Struggling W/ 11 Month-old- Not Eating and Wanting to Nurse/be up Constantly

How long have you been remodeling/how old is the house. You say you have been sick forever. is there Mold? or something else that might be causing you to get sick. This may be what is causing the problems. Just a thought.

Please trust your insticts & DO NOT put him in his room to cry! My baby boy needed to be fed frequently until recently & he's 19 months old. It's just who they are & we are there to feed them & love them. Do not try to nurse less, he is clearly asking for more. My baby needed to nurse so much because he wasnt' eating solids because he wasn't ready. If he is getting sick, nurse him more...he gets lots of antibodies from your milk. He needs to sleep with you so he can nurse more often & so you can all get more sleep. Sounds wierd, but try reading Dr. Sear's books on sleep. Please don't feed your baby Gerber, tons of preservative & dairy...if you're kid is getting ear infections, dairy s the last thing you want to give him. Eventually every picky eater begins to eat real food, but don't force it on him & make good dietary choices for him. If sounds like he's particularly sensitive. Good luck.

Some great advise for the sleeping and eating. I wanted to
add to the idea that there maybe adverse effects from the remodeling. Are you using non-toxic materials? About 10 years ago, we rented a brand new house for a year. Beautiful hard wood floors varnished with toxic products. There wasn't any carpet, yet there was paint and all the building materials seemed to be off gassing. After we moved, it took me 4 years to get my health back and even
today, 10 years later, my nose starts to run after being in a new house. I developed spring allergies after that year.
Just think, even harder on developing nervous systems.
If you haven't painted, get no VOC paint. Portand and Seattle have an environmental supply store.###-###-####.

Hi K., I just joined the site and was checking the ?'s on here.

My 2nd born had an extreme appetite. My 1st did not. My 2nd born, is alot like my sister's son. He wanted to eat and eat and is a big boy! I put him on the rice cereal w/watered down apple juice. The pectin in it breaks down the cereal good. May want to try that. It fills them up! I would do this before bath, then get him ready for bed.

I also wanted to mention the being sick, pink eye, fluid in ear thing. All that will affect the lil ones appetite of course. Couple things that I wished someone told me when my lil ones were fussy: Give them a blanket or shirt with your smell/scent on it. It may help to put a rolled up towel under the crib mattress to elevate the head (relieve pain if fluid in ear). That fluid can make feeding painful if I remember correctly.

Hope some of this was helpful. Both my boys were good sleepers at first and then after about 6 months, well my hubby and I learend to live on no sleep for a while and then slept in shifts. It does get better. They are 2 and 5 now. Sleep good most of the time.

First, I agree with Margo. You and your son may be sick because of your house, the remodeling that stirs up mold and other allergens.

I also suggest that if you're wanting to get this done that you may be feeling tense and stressed which decreases your body's immunity making it easier to get sick and less able to heal. Your baby feels your stress whether it's caused by pressure you put on yourself or caused by lack of sleep.

My most important suggestion other than checking out health issues related to house is to not expect your son to eat solid food while he's ill. You could try soft foods such as applesauce, banana, cereal and/or diluted fruit juices. None of us feels like eating much when we're congested.

I also suggest that he wants to nurse all the time because he needs the comfort of being close to you. He doesn't feel good. And the chaos of remodeling may stress him also. Your anxiety about eating and remodeling and everything else prevents him from having calm and quiet soothing time with you. He has to have you all of the time because he's trying to get reassurance from you. You could try "wearing" him with a front or back pack, at least part of the day. This has worked with many mothers and babies. I think, tho, that you also need to provide some quiet restful time with him. He'll need more of your time until he gets enough of what he needs.

I suggest working on becoming more relaxed. Expect less from yourself and your baby. You're tired, the house is a mess. Develop a "so what" attitude. Do only what is absolutely necessary. Nap when the baby naps. Set up a limited amount of safe space in which your 3 yo can play while you nap if she doesn't nap. The space can be in the same room in which you're napping or close by so that you can hear her if she needs you.

It may take awhile for you to be able to sleep. Plan just for down time even if you don't sleep. Drink a cup or two of warm relaxing herbal tea. Read or listen to music. Or just zone out without expecting to sleep.

Try cuddling with your baby while in bed instead of trying to get him to nurse less or sleep more. Focus on calm relaxation for both of you. Not easy! In fact quite difficult but it's worth working on. Accept "what is, is."

You may not be feeling stressed over housekeeping. What has helped me when the house is in a turmoil is to fix an organized, clean place in which I've put some favorite things just for me. Our therapist recommended that one room, even when used by other family members, has to be kept neat and clean. That means having a family rule that everyone must leave the room in as neat a condition as it was when they entered. You can have a 15 minute family time pick up at the end of an evening during which everyone has been using it.

My kids were older but still mostly unco-operative. Next rule was no toys in that room. Kids played in their own room. The only rule there was that I could see the floor. I provided bins in which they could toss their toys.

Knowing only what you've written and if it were me I'd halt the remodeling, clean up and organize the house. Start with one room at a time might make it more doable.

I definately would not put him in his own room and let him cry. He's got enough to deal with already. The CIO method only works when the parent is rested and calm and has the time to work gradually into it. Give your husband information on how to use CIO in an effective way. I know the CIO method used by many parents would add to my stress and would not help me get any more sleep.

Note: I've seen several families living mostly stressfree in a messy, dated house. They focused on their own needs, their children's needs and the families needs which then helped them arrange their lives in a manner less stressful for them. They discovered that they needed a calm home in which they could get enough sleep and function relatively stress free while they provided food and a sanitary home for themselves and their family. Health and happiness came first.
Relaxing together as a family was a high priority.

Starting a goal with a focus on getting it done NOW caused a great deal of stress for me. Sometimes the project was as small as baking cookies or as large as having the living room clean, free of clutter and the floor vacuumed.

My daughter often pushes herself to complete housekeeping tasks and calls me because her kids are wild. I go over, watch TV with them while each one leans against me, and they calm down. But they stay calm only when their mother agrees to stay out of the room. Staying out is frequently impossible for her. So I bring them to my house which is always a physical mess now that I've finally accepted that a "clean" house is not as important as being calm for the babies/children. When I say a mess, I mean there is no visible surface except for parts of the floor. The space is safe but extremely cluttered and dusty. Wish I'd been in that space while raising my daughter.

I expect that you are quite frustrated as well as being sick and tired. Do what works to take the pressure off you. It's OK if your baby doesn't eat solid foods for awhile. He may even eat them sooner if you're not pushing him. Do give him multi-vitamins to help make up those he's missing by mostly only nursing. And casually try soft easy to swallow foods. They have the same nutrition as apple slices and carrot sticks.

Our pediatrician told us that by 12 months, they should be eating what we are eating for dinner (with the exception of choking hazards like steak). You can mash or puree almost anything you make if the isn't ready for chewing. Just add milk or water to the meal and blend it up. Let him play in it and make feeding him fun with airplanes and silly faces and noises.

Hi K.,.
I have sooo been there :) and understand!!
while I should probably read your other advice first,.so I don't copy or contradict....

here are my initial thoughts.
If your son is slightly ill or teething - he may be looking for the comfort boobie more so than the nutrional milk. he feels soothed in your arms and on the breast. Try to give him the comfort now and later you can work on decreasing the night time feedings & bedtime place.

I would not suggest this long-term,. but if both you and your husband are loosing sleep - try trading off a few nights in different rooms so each of you have a chance to catch-up on your much needed rest and give your bodies a chance to heal. I found my sons liked sleeping with daddy for stetches at a night & of course no 'boobies' there to milk on so they don't fuss to much about it.
On the same subject, sometimes two heads are not better than one, no sense in both parents loosing sleep over a sick child (although I love he is supportive). if you don't trade rooms - take shifts, worked out in advance.

finally,. the food mess,. yep. it's a pain but he is just exploring (have you heard this a million times).
I only give my kids their favorites when they are ill - it betters the odds with consumption & their overall mood.

hope this might help,
mk

Marda and Margo both mention the possibiltiy of an environmental basis for your health problems, and I hope you will investigate this. You might need to keep a diary of what symptoms family members experience and what remodeling activities preceded the problems. I have environmental illness, and lots of different exposures make me ill in various ways, including making it hard to sleep decently. This can contribute to both physical and behavioral problems in children, too.

I also think Marda's suggestions about stress are perceptive. Babies connect with their surroundings primarily through feelings, since they don't have much by way of language, and they do indeed notice their parents' moods, stress and anxiety, perhaps more immediately than the parents do, because they haven't yet learned to reason away what they are feeling.

Finally, if your little guy might have an ear or throat problem, he will be more interested in nursing frequently. It's soothing to swallow, and it's soothing to connect with his mama, upon whom he is so deeply dependent for both physical and emotional nurture. Try to surrender to the situation, and realize that it's temporary. If you don't harbor thoughts that it "should" be some other way, you'll be calmer and happier, and so will your baby.

Good luck. It is so hard being sleep deprived. If only parenting could skip that part!

he wants to nurse, let him nurse! he obviously needs it, he needs you, needs your comfort at night. don't listen to the people who tell you you have to wean him. kids wean on their own when they're ready (mine were 2-1/2 and 4-1/2). as long as you're nursing him, you don't need to worry about what else he eats, just offer him a choice of good healthy foods and he'll eat what he wants, don't make a big deal about it. as far as getting enough sleep, maybe your husband could sleep somewhere else for a while, so he can sleep well during the night, and then he can get up with the kids while you sleep in the morning or else take them later in the day and you can take a nap. and you should sleep whenever you can, when the kids nap etc. i'd also encourage you to accept that your house will be a mess for a while, try to relax about it, and consider that the remodel may be causing health problems and see what you can do about that.

Take him to the doctor and make sure he is is well before you try to ween him. Only then try. Develop a plan with your husband's help--because you will need his help. Then follow through, don't give up and don't change your mind.

Good luck.

Is there a reason you haven't given your son a bottle (or cup) with some rice cereal mixed into the formula/milk before bed? I know how physically draining it can be to nurse so much when you are already sleep deprived. Your husband is right to be thinking about moving your son to his own room. I think moms tend to worry about CIO method, but your son needs to learn he can calm himself and go to sleep without you. Even if he wakes in the middle of the night, he might not wake you up so easily. I would get him a comfort item (blanket, toy, etc) and start getting him used to it.

My daughter went through the same thing, and what I did was try to reduce night time nursing so I could get more sleep, but it was a long slow process marked by exhaustion and frustration. But consistency was what won eventually I think. She would (and still does sometimes) refuse to eat at night, then want to nurse all night because she was hungry. So I started by telling her no more nursing at night, and if she cried for the breast I would lay there with her and try to snuggle her back to sleep, which usually worked because she was half asleep. I had to wear a button up shirt buttoned up all the way so she couldn't find the breast. Then if she woke all the way up I would get her a bottle of milk, and she learned to take a bottle when she couldn't have the breast. I am not a fan of the CIO method either, it is just too hard to listen to your child cry, but as long as I was there with her, comforting her in other ways other than the breast, she would eventually settle down and go back to sleep.

As for the packaged foods, my advice is to stay away from them. Anything that comes in a package is the least quality ingredients, and often genetically modified ingredients because they are cheap. Those little sausages are full of nitrates and nitrites and very bad for us. I would advise you to make your own finger foods by cutting up fruit or cooked veggies, or small pieces of toast, or even tiny pieces of meat you are eating yourselves. My little one loved pancakes or waffles cut into small pieces. I avoided syrup because she doesn't eat sugar, but put applesauce in the batter so it tasted slightly sweet. I would put more applesauce on the plate for her to dip it in. There is going to be a few messes when he eats because he is still learning, but if he likes to throw his food, only give him one piece at a time. If he throws it, don't give him another, just tell him, all done. If he cries for more, tell him he can only have it if he eats it, if he throws it he is all done. You may have to follow through and get him down a few times before he gets the message, but if he is hungry, he will want to eat more and soon learn to not throw his food. My daughter loved salty things too like steamed broccoli with butter and salt cut into small bite sized pieces. Just keep trying new things on him and find out what he likes, but still keep trying new things. Variety is so important, otherwise he will get stuck in a rut on one thing, then tire of it and not want to eat anything. Commercial babyfood has the highest incidents of food poisoning and or contamination of any other commercially packed food, so I got a baby food grinder from Target and just ground up what we were eating. My daughter even likes spicy foods, even chips and salsa. :)

I know it's hard not to want everything clean, but remodeling is messy business, so don't expect too much. The reason you and your husband are both sick all the time may be from lack of sleep, if you are both being kept up by the baby. So my suggestions are up to you, but this is what I would do. Try bumping up on antioxidants like vitamin C, E and especially Vitamin D! Some experts say we only get sick in the first place because we are low on vitamin D so taking 2-3000 mg a day will boost your immune systems greatly. Drink a lot of water too, that helps cleanse your system, and avoid sugar and caffeine if you can, they rob you of your real energy and just give you false bursts of it, then drop you lower. Try getting some frozen blueberries and snack on nuts and berries instead. Regular exercise also is fantastic for you immune system. I know with small children that can be challenging, but your body will thank you if you can find a way to do it, even if it is just a short walk in the evenings. And taking the kids and getting out of the house will do wonders for you all. Winters are long cold and dark, so getting as much real daylight and fresh air does wonders. I know it is wet out, but putting them in a snowsuit and rain boots and going to a park will improve everyone's mood. :) Good luck and good health to you.

I agree with the others that maybe you shouldn't be trying to cut back on nursing at this point. It seems like your son is letting you know that he needs the comfort, and possibly the calories. As for food, I would try offering a variety of foods, but don't give up if he doesn't like them right away. I'm not a huge fan of the Gerber toddler foods, but if they work, go for it. Also, can you just give him some of whatever you're having? Then you won't have to make a special meal for him.

Babies no longer need to night feed after the first 2 weeks. They do it because we condition them to do it by feeding them every time they wake up. I stopped night feeding my boys at 1 month, and they are big, happy, healthy boys. Your son is older, so he will fight the change, but he has to learn that you set the rules, not him. If you let him run the house now, he will continue to do so. You are the parent, you have to teach him what you expect from him, and stay firm and consistent. I agree with your husband, but don't just let him cry non stop. I always used the 5 minute rule for CIO. I would go in after 5 minutes and comfort my boys WITHOUT feeding them or removing them from bed. I would just rub their belly and sing or talk softly until they calm down, and then would leave. If they started to cry I would wait another 5 minutes and repeat. This will be a long hard process for you since you have waited so long to teach your son to self sooth. I started this at 3 months and never had to go back in after the first 5 minutes.

Best of luck and blessed be.

My son is just getting his 3rd tooth and he is 14 months old. My daughter had a mouthful at this point and was eating everything. But, what I found he would eat and it filled him up pretty well: avocado, oatmeal, banana, cheerios, toast in small pieces - he gums it, yogurt, mac and cheese, strawberries, blueberries. I've tried relentlessly but he won't eat eggs, cottage cheese, light white fish or chicken (i put in food processor), tuna, salmon, stirfried veggies and food processor but those would be good options.

Do you think it could be having a reaction/allergy to any foods he's eating or that you're eating? Does he take a bottle?