Strokes

Strokes. Rey often change the persons personality and unfortunately, usually not for the better. It seems the filters are gone. Went thru this with my MIL. She used to hit me!

Strokes come in all shapes and sizes. Two people can have the same kind of stroke and have different outcomes. Strokes can affect personalities, cognition, and physical abilities.

My husband had an unexpected massive and severe brain hemorrhage 2 years ago at 43 yrs old. Our son was 8 at the time. I am his full time caregiver. He is now tube fed 4x a day, can't walk, can barely talk, does not have full use of his left arm and leg and the other side is about 80%, he can't blink in one eye, uses a power wheelchair, and is not able to shower or go to the bathroom on his own or dress himself. We are blessed that his personality and cognition are in tact. He probably wishes he didn't know what was going on. Right now I am just waiting for his last tube feeding to finish so I can give him his meds and do the nighttime routine and go to bed so I can get up and do it all over again tomorrow, and in between I am trying to keep it together and keep things as normal and happy as possible for our son.

No one warned me about this either. Hurt doesn't even begin to describe my feelings.

My dad had same type of thing happen a couple of years ago. The doctors did say that both the surgery and strokes could change his personality. And it has to some extent. He is different and treats my mom different than he did before. You might check out a support group through the hospital he was treated at. But first you need to talk to his doctor and let them know what is going on.

I am so very sorry for you. My dad has had several small strokes (TIAs) and they have altered his personality. He has absolutely no edit function & pretty much blurts out whatever pops into his head, among other things. At times, it can be very difficult to cope with. I have NO idea how his wife still lives with him!

Please try & keep in mind that it's his damaged brain speaking, not the man you've made a life with. Definitely tell his doctor -- and try to treat yourself with a little kindness, too. Hug to you.

I'm so sorry, C.. It's a real shame that you didn't have any counseling about this. They really should have provided counseling.

Your husband has neurological damage. Does he see a neurologist? If he doesn't, get him in to see one, specifically one who works with stroke victims. You should tell the neurologist what is going on with your husband and how he treats you.

Ask the neurologist if there is anyone your husband can see to help him understand the pain he is causing you and his family members. I have to say that if he doesn't act nice to your grandson, you shouldn't have the child around him.

It's very sad when someone's mental faculties start to go, C.. Alzheimers does it, a stroke or a series of strokes does it, other forms of dementia do as well. The best thing you can do as the spouse who has to manage things is get your LEGAL ducks in place. That way he cannot derail your efforts. You need to be able to direct this process medically and financially so that your finances aren't ruined over his altered mental state. I urge you to get to a lawyer who deals with elder issues and talk this through, and get your husband to sign papers to allow you to manage this. That's INCREDIBLY important if he gets to the point where he needs to go into a rehab center. Medicare will not pay for him to be there if he tells them that he wants to go home, even if he is not able to handle being at home, C.. You could get stuck with the bill, even if he doesn't understand this.

If he refuses, then you have to go to court and have him declared incompetent. That's sad and hard to do, but necessary. Meanwhile, hide the car keys, the checkbook and prevent him from handling the money so that you don't one day wake up and you have no money left. And C., make sure that you get some respite if you cannot leave your husband alone. You need to have a life too. You can talk to the hospital's social services if you need to. They can help you find respite care.

Good luck,
Dawn

Please talk to a doctor and find out what's going on. Part of his brain has broken and if he wasn't cruel before and this is a personality change, it needs to be medically addressed. This isn't his fault or your fault, it's the stroke's fault. And the people who told you to get over it were clueless. Something is wrong in his brain, and you need to contact a professional to figure out what's going on.

You may find some helpful links by googling Stroke and personality changes

[hugs] Life can be baffling and hurt so bad. I am sorry this happened to you both.

My brother-in-law had a blocked carotid artery that caused a swarm of mini-stokes before it was diagnoised. They fixed that but he had some brain damage. He's just like your husband, sometimes nice, at other times mean as h*ll. We had relatives visiting and they were having a family BBQ. I was asked to stop and pick-up dessert on my way there from work. When I got there he started yelling at me, saying I was late, and poured a drink over my head. I heard he did the same thing to his daughter. He's just changed.

I don't have any advice for you, I think the brain and injuries are different for everyone. I hope your hubby gets better over time.

My grandfather had mini-strokes for years and nobody knew about it. His behavior and personality really changed, and he began doing things that were totally out of character. He would become totally irrational and angry, and then a few minutes later seemed to remember none of his outburst. He stopped taking care of himself - he had to be reminded to shower, brush his hair, brush his teeth, etc. My grandmother thought he might have dementia, but she took him to the doctor and the doctor said that wasn't the case.

Anyway, fast forward a few years, and he finally had a major stroke. At that point they did a brain scan and realized about all the mini-strokes he had had. Of course, after the major stroke, he did not speak anymore and lost the use of the right side of his body.

In any case, do you have a social worker for your husband? If not, please ask for one. That person can help arrange occupational therapy for your husband and that may help with some of his issues. Also, and I know this is going to seem like an odd suggestion, but you may want to have a consultation with an estate planning or elder care lawyer. I say this because if your husband has any further strokes, it can get very expensive very fast to pay for all of the care, even with medicare and/or supplemental insurance. A good lawyer can help structure your estate so that your financial needs are protected. Strokes are really hard to deal with. I'm so sorry you're having to face all of this.

This happened to my Dad after his second stroke. He called me the "the warden" and told people not to tell me certain things he did or I would get mad, threatened me, tried to hit me once as he was cussing me out, and was verbally abusive about 85% of the time. It wasn't him, it was the neurological damage from the stroke. He was very confused much of the time, which resulted in frustration and anger. He felt that things were out of his control and he hated that.

Their were certain meds that helped, talk to his doctor. To help you, look for a support group for spouses and family members. I know it's hard, and it hurts, but it isn't personal, it's not something he can control. Explain this to your grandson, too. The grandkids in our family were confused and hurt until we explained what had happened to Dad's brain, they were very loving and understanding after that, and since he passed a year ago they only remember the good things about him.

Hugs.

How old is he?
Ask the Doctor, about his change in behavior. They need, to know this.

My late Dad, had a stroke.
Strokes REALLY vary, in intensity and in the damage... it does to a person. Some people are permanently paralyzed because of it. Some regain some mobility. It can really vary.
The thing you need to do is to talk to his Physician and tell him/her about his change in behavior. They don't know this, unless you tell them.
It may be related to the stroke, or to things like Alzheimer's or dementia etc.
You can't take all of this personally.
He had, brain surgery. And a stroke.
Did the Doctor/Surgeon explain with you and inform you, about the ramifications of the surgery before they did the surgery????? Surgeons typically do do that.

Sometimes, my Mom would get frustrated and snippy with my Dad. He had had a stroke. But she would just expect him to be like how he used to be.
We all, including my Husband, had to do care-giving for him.
Sometimes, my Dad, would say that he didn't want such and such around. Because they stressed him out. But he wanted, me, there. Or my Husband. Talk about resentment from my siblings. They hated me. But that is what was. Everyone else, just would talk at him, or like he was deaf and mute because he was partially paralyzed etc.

If you have already had feedback like this, my apologies; for some reason I cannot see the previous answers to know I'm going over old ground. I had a stroke in 2009, and fortunately had relatively little personality change, but that was the first thing I was told during treatment and rehab, to not be upset if there were changes in my reactions and way of dealing with people and issues. It is dependant on what areas of the brain are damaged. Mine was mainly motor issues which I was able to recover with rehab, via re-patterning, training different brain cells to handle those tasks/functions. Personality issues/changes are harder to treat and do not always respond to repatterning. If your hospital offers a "Nurse Help-line", I strongly recommend that you contact them and ask for guidance; some insurance companies also offer this service. The physical aspects of a stroke are difficult enough to deal with, either as the patient or the caregiver, without trying to cope with the personality changes as well, especially in additon to your own health issues. I hope that you are able to find help and guidance, and that things get better for you both in the future.