Stop Sleeping W/baby

Updated on May 27, 2009
S.L. asks from Desert Hot Springs, CA
5 answers

ok...IM BACK...Here's the deal, I've been sleeping w/our 9 month old son! I've started putting him in his crib and he SCREAMS! He's in there now screaming. I need him to sleep in there. I need to get stuff done. PLEASE tell me he will stop crying and go to sleep. I go in there and pick him up and rock him. What should I do?

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V.C.

answers from San Diego on

Wow, no one responded, however I personally would go pick him up & not let him scream. If you have to work & he needs you, get a baby carrier--my fav was the sling, but by 9 mos a back pack can work great. I used to type, clean, shop, do all kinds of things with a kid on me, some how. good luck.

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D.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Love Susan's response.

In my opinion there is never a good reason to let a baby scream and cry. I wore my son for most his baby months, but when he got bigger and needed to sleep on his own I had to work on transitioning him slowly.

I started by rocking him to almost asleep and then laying him down almost asleep and rubbing his back while explaining what was going to happen. Mommy was going to get up and do some stuff, but I was close by and would be back if he needed me. Over three weeks (I know it seems like a long time) he was sleeping on his own, but on my bed...which I set up so he would be safe. When he was crawling and stuff, I would put him down on a mattress on the floor. My son has never used his crib, and I had to come to terms with that being okay. Now, he uses his bed occasionally, but I just have to make sure that everyone involved is happy and healthy and adjusted with no issues.

I know it seems tough now, but this too shall pass.

You might even want to introduce a lovey, as some call it and have it be something you can both place your scent on and have him cuddle with instead of you while he's sleeping. This has worked during times of distress for my son, too.

Reallly he's just going to keep screaming because he doesn't understand what is happening and his needs are not being met. At this point, his needs have revolved around being cuddled or having Mom sleep with him and that need is now being changed without warning.

Like Susan said you need to move towards a new pre-nap routine and be consistent, but by patient and loving while doing it.

Good Luck!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

It takes time to create another pre-nap routine for him...
he misses you, and so he cries. He's used to co-sleeping...

Do you put him down for naps at the same time each day?
Do you nurse/feed him before hand?
Do you let him wind-down first, before putting him in the crib?
Do you make everything quiet, before nap?
Does he have a 'lovey' to sleep with? or does he take pacifiers?

For me, this is the way I got my kids to nap when they were babies... it takes me about 1/2 hour of winding-down my kids before I actually put them down. We have the SAME routine everyday, before nap. My son knows it like auto-pilot. He at his age will even tell me sometimes when HE wants to nap, when it is time.

But the thing is regularity... and routine. Everyday the same. Then, the child "knows" what to expect.

My daughter was not as easy to put to nap, so I'd lay down with her... she'd nurse, then fall asleep, then I'd get up and go do whatever I had to. Other times, I'd put her in the crib... and I had baby safe toys in there, and she'd play around in the crib first, then slowly she'd fall asleep on her own.

My son, is more flexible and easier to put to nap... but mostly because I did the SAME routine with him since he was 6 months old. So now at 2.5 years old, he STILL naps and we have the same pre-nap routine. But at night only, we co-sleep. So before nap... I tell him verbally "Nap time soon...." then I get him ready, we watch a Little Bear video or I read to him, I change his diaper, give him some milk, I let him just wind-down, I tell him "quiet time..." and then I tell him "okay let's go..." then I put him in the crib. He plays around with his toys first, talks to himself, then falls asleep. He also has a 'lovey' that he sleeps with. It's his pal.

But each day, I do the SAME routine with him. And when my daughter gets home from school, the afternoon is ALWAYS "quiet time" and they know it... then my son goes to nap, and sometimes even my daughter will fall asleep.
But the MAIN thing being, no matter what your "routine"... do it the same everyday, the same time, the same sequence... and then the child gets used to it.

I never let my kids cry it out... but just got them into a routine.

At the age your son is... what I also used to do with my son, is I'd sing him the SAME song as I carried him/rocked him before putting him in the crib. So he got used to that... the same song, then he goes in the crib. And then I'd turn on a fan on low... for white noise. So now, if I even forget to turn on the fan, my son will tell me.

So it's a pattern and a routine... that helps the child get into a nap "habit" and then less protesting.

Anyway, just some ideas on what I do.
I know it's hard... getting a child to nap... but keep trying... a baby needs to nap, it's healthy for them. See what routine will work for your baby... then keep it the same everyday.

Al the best,
Susan

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi S., He will eventually get used to this new routine, you didn't say so i am going to assume that you had your son in bed with you for the past 9 months, if so that habbit is going to be hard to break, If you go in there and pick him up and rock him, you will be creating a new habit, my advice to you is is make sure his tummy is full and bed time rock and sing him to sleep, lay him in his crib, and leave, if he wakes up screaming, don't go in there and pick him up, if you do the next night and the next will be more of the same. I am 52 and my youngest is 20, back in my day we were told to never put our baby's in bed with us, for many reasons, I know the new thing now is co-sleeping, and i only have 2 issues with that concept is, they don't learn independance that way, which you are experiencing now, not only that, but it's hard to be spontanious with your spouse with a baby/child in bed with you. You are doing the right thing now, be cosistant and patient, and know this baby's/children use crying and screaming to manipulate. J. L.

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V.L.

answers from Honolulu on

I agree with all the other Moms. Don't let him scream and cry, he is used to sleeping with you and you just took it away he doesn't understand! If you need to get things done, get a sling. Or, get him completely to sleep (ie: his arms and legs are floppy) and then gently lay him in his crib to sleep for his nap. If he wakes, do the whole process again.

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