Sticky Situation with Family as Sitters

I can still feel the same knot in my stomach. I went through the same thing, and it just caused more stress. The help comes with a lot of fklexibility,m and we're the ones that have to bend in every situation. I almost forgot about the week to week stress of who was going to do what at what time. I say just go for the hire help, and tell them after the fact. Tell them you can still use their help on certain days. Good luck to you. I think people don't really understand the stress of unorganized childcare, and though they are helping, it causes more pain than anything.

Speak with your husband and do what you feel is best for your family. Your mil wants to enjoy herself which is totally understandable but that's making it difficult for you to count on her for child care. You can tell her that you think it's best for her to just be grandma instead of being a babysitter.

I feel your pain as my mother in law sits for one day a week (at her house) and has proven to be unreliable some weeks. If your MIL is anything like mine, expect a guilt trip. Gently (if you can) tell her that your son needs consistency in his childcare. While it is great that she has offered her babysitting services it is not healthy to have too many sitters who have different routines. Children need schedules and to be shuffled around so much is not good. If she rants about how family always makes the better childcare and how can you trust your child to a stranger (mine has said this) explain that your son will be going to school eventually and it is virtually the same thing with the cirriculum many day care centers have. Plus he will get the added benefit of socialization with other children and believe it or not the exposure to more germs is healthy (kids never exposed to germs are more likely to get sicker easier when exposed). Tell her that she can see her grandson at anytime but for now you feel that this is the best solution for your family. It also doesn't hurt to have your husband back you 100%

Hi D..

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I would go to her and tell her you are tring to make plans for child care and you want to make sure everything is set up well in advance so you are addressing this now, If she would like to watch the baby 1 2 3 days per week what ever you feel comforatable with just ask her for the dates she wants or is avail and the ones she is not, then I would giver her the date you need them by. If she does not give you any by the date required you are free to hire full time. Then if she gives you a list you can pick and hire now a babysitter for 2 3 4 days / week with poss time to be picked up when needed. Be open and honest with her but tactful. She has a life of her own to live and you want herto be free to do so but you need your to be covered and run smoothly with out unneccessary added stress. She will understand if she is a reasonable person to begin with.

Good luck and I hope this has been helpful

Hey D.,

I can understand your concern,

It is a sticky situation, since you don't want to offend her or your husband, plus you might need her help in the future.

I would look for someone to do the job, who you feel comfortable with.

Once you've found some one, Then say, that you've found some one who'd be willing to care for him, and who you feel comfortable with, and then ask them if they would meet with the girl and for her opinion. This way she gets a say so,
and is involved.

Don't ask her how she feels about it. and if something is said, just say O I didn't realize. and I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you.

But considering she is a snow bird, and wants 3 weeks vacation. We are talking 4 months of no babysitter.

I think she wants out of the deal aswell.

Just my opinion.

Good luck

M

Day care might be a better option than an in home nanny. With the unemployment rate - day cares are hurting. So I am sure that you can work out a come and go arrangement. This way, you'll save money when your MIL is in town and you'll know that you will have coverage when she is not. The good thing is that if she is sick one day and it's an unplanned need, you can run him over to day care.

I started my daughter in day care around 20 months and she loves it. She gets to interact with other kids and it's very structured and safe - and flexible.

Good luck!

Oh, and don't worry about her reaction - you're the mom. And she can help you choose a day care center or a nanny and if you choose a nanny, she can be there too and/or come and go as she pleases. She might really like that!!

I would simply say that you think it is time for the baby to start interacting with other children. You could also suggest she visit some childcare centers with you and assist in finding a center you are both comfortable with. This will help her to feel a part of the process and shouldn't hurt her feelings in anyway. You can also say that you appreciate all that she has done and the commitment she has made to you and your son but you think it is time for her to enjoy her time in Florida and not have to worry about sitting. She may feel the same way as you and not know how to get out of it without hurting your feelings. This age is a tough age for grandmas and can be exhausting because they are starting to walk and getting into everything. She may not mind the break. If you think she will be upset you can do a few days in childcare and still give her a few days. I think just being honest is the best way. I own a childcare center and have just gone through this with one family. They have had both grandma's babysitting and neither one wanted to let go. The parents said their child had no schedule or structure and thought it was time to put their child into a center. Both grandma's have visited twice and I spoke with each of them to reassure them that their granddaughter would be fine. I think including her in the process will help her to understand your situation. Good luck!!!