Step Daughter? (Blended Family Problems)

Are there any clubs or sports that interest her? Is she signed up for them? If she hasn't asked, have you asked her if she wants to join?

What about some of the book club or other activites through the local library or local parks and recs?

Any neightbors close in age that maybe you could take with her to lunch and manis/pedis once in a while?

Have her father take her on a father/daughter "date night"...dinner and a movie or something.

Maybe when the boys have people over, you could let hubby handle the boys and you take her out.

I don't really see this as a problem. They key question is does SHE see this as a problem or is this her personality. Trying to "make" her do stuff she's not interested in because it's what other kids do will backfire and would probably make her feel like she isn't ok who she is.

Considering how loud and cliquish cafeterias are, the library lunch may be a break for her. And what if her friends ARE the "not so cool kids". That's a judgement that needs to be nipped in the bud if that's how your sons feel. I WAS a not so cool kid, and my friends were other not so cool kids. Because sometimes the "cool" kids are a-holes.

She is 16 so college and adulthood are pretty much right around the corner. Treat her like a young woman. I like AV's ideas re. goals & dreams and working from there.

Welcome to mamapedia G.. I was bracing myself for a horrible family situation to read. Your family sounds lovely and your stepdaughter sounds great as well.

I don't see the problem. There is a great book that explains introverts and extroverts (what they need, how they differ). It's called RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. You could probably pick it up at your local library. There are 2 chapters (or 1?) dedicated to this topic and it was eye-opening for me.
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Spirited-Child-Sheedy-Kurci...

My son is an extrovert. He gets re-fueled by being social, seeing friends. If he doesn't have that time, he gets cranky. He NEEDS people. Loves groups, etc...

An introvert, after being in a crazy, busy, hectic, large public school (and overwhelming cafeteria) will rush home and go to her room to escape and take a deep breath. Re-calibrate. Get centered again. They NEED alone time. The "not-so-cool kids" probably keep to themselves (like her) and respect her physical boundaries (which she needs). She doesn't need some loud-mouth messing with her, even if they think it's playful.

God bless her for not acting out (being impossible, outbursts) because the house is filled with people all-the-time. I myself am a mix of both. I love having a car full of kids to drive (my kids friends) but not everyone is like that.

Introverts typically have 1-2-3 really close friends and that's about it. Extroverts know the world and the world knows them. My 13-yr-old son is well liked and very popular. Sometimes I wish he was a bookworm/homebody!

I really like the suggestion of you getting closer to her. Figure out activities you can do with her. Try to "mother" her. Be the female she can count on. But don't make her feel bad about herself, like there is something wrong with her. There isn't, she just has a different perspective.

If she's ok with this situation, let it be. She may not want to be around all these people.

Hey Stepmom! I am a stepmom too. I would try and deepen your relationship with her by hanging out with her in an ongoing way. Maybe have a mother/daughter Starbucks run once a week. Perhaps sit on her bed with her and ask her to play her favorite songs. Bottom line join her in her world best you can and eventually she will open up. Introverts don't like a lot of questions so it might be a lot of quite time together. Does she like to read? If so, you guys can share a book together. My step daughter and I do this. We pass a book back and forth. She reads a chapter and then I read a chapter. Blessings!

She just might be more introverted - some people just are, they are not social butterflies and that's ok. Or maybe she just has not found her "crowd" yet. Honestly, I didn't have a lot of friends in high school either and was never part of the popular crowd. I did finally become friends with one girl my senior year because we had one class together and we hit it off - I didn't even know her before (it was a pretty big school - 400 kids in my graduating class!). We both happened to be going to the same college and decided to be roommates. We are still friends today. My friendship with her extended into friendships with some of her other friends and now that we are all 40, we try to get together on a semi-regular basis. But really, I made better friends in college, and especially in vet school. It is my vet school friends that I am closer with and consider more my "bunch". Probably because they are more at my "level" and maybe your stepdaughter is in the same boat. Maybe there really isn't anyone in high school right now that she really connects with but if she goes to college (especially a smaller one) it might be a different story. It might be a matter of finding people with similar interests.

In high school, I did do marching band and for a little while, drama club - we were the more "geeky" kids, but maybe that's the kind of group she needs. Unless she seems depressed, talks about being lonely, or mentions any kind of bullying, I'm not sure I would really worry about it.

I would talk to her about her goals and dreams. Maybe put it in the context of "what would you like to major in in college and are there any volunteer or school activities that you would like to try that might help you decide?" She may be an introvert. She may be shy. She may be not very popular. None of it is entirely horrible. I had a heck of a time when I moved to a new school in 6th grade, and it sounds like that's when she moved, too. It is hard when you are jumping in mid-stream. Theatre was my saving G.. It was not a goal to be popular (they were obnoxious kids). It was a goal to have a few good friends. My sister is a shy introvert and has a few good, but very close friends.

I would also ask if she wanted to go out and do some girl time things. Or even "hey, I'm going to x town. I wondered if you wanted to come with me and maybe stop by that bookstore in the shopping center."

And don't forget to tell her, "I'm proud of you. You don't give a lot of attitude and you're a good kid." She needs to hear that from the adults in her life.

By the way, the other kids could help her, too, if they wanted. Like say, "Hey, Jen, want to join us for lunch?" or tell their friends, "Yeah, Jen is really quiet, but she's really good with computers."

Or maybe Jen eats lunch in the library BECAUSE it's quiet and she can regroup in there. I rarely ate lunch out or in the kitchen at work. I preferred to eat at my desk, shut the office door and check personal email. Ask HER how SHE feels. She might say, "I like it where it's quiet and I can read." An introvert can be entirely happy in their own space.

I was that kid who literally walked between classes while reading (great peripheral vision). I graduated college, got married, had kids, have friends....maybe she just hasn't found her niche yet and whatever that niche is, make sure you're viewing her on her own merits and not by what the other kids do/don't do.

What are her after school activities?
Is she in school clubs?
What interests her? Is she up to doing new things or is she happy just being herself?
My son never had kids over. He liked his alone time.
He is social to a point...

Send her to an all girls school