Step-parenting - Lincoln,NE

sounds so familiar. quit pushing if you want them to accept you this is normal step kid behavior. they all do this. I also went through the "my mommy says I don't have to listen to you " also. but they were 14 and 16 at the time. my response was (what my dad used to say oh I am turning into my dad scary) as long as your in my house you do have to follow my rules. The one thing I did to make them start listening but my step kids were old enough to do this with they asked when supper was my response was if you don't have to do your chores I don't have to do mine fix your own dinner. Your response has to be age appropriate though.

They are seeing it as you are the reason mommy and daddy aren't getting back together. as logical adults we know this isn't going to happen. they don't. If they don't pick up their toys put their toys in a trash bag and stash them away. When they tell daddy have daddy tell them well you should have done what you were told and this wouldn't have happened.

When mine refused to clean up after themselves and chose to treat me like a maid (remeber the age diffrence though) I sent them out of the house so I could clean up their messes. I cleaned it up and dumped it on thier bed dirty dishes and all. (alot of parents won't agree with this) So they had to pick up thier stuff so they could go to bed. after that I never had to tell them to pick up anything or do chores it was done before i asked. just remeber the age diffrence here. It has to be age appropriate.

This too shall pass and this is normal it is thier daddy and they see you as interefering with their time. just back off they will eventually start wanting your attention.treat them like you would your own they will come around.

I have 5 kids and only 1 of those 5 is actually my biological child. fortunetly the oldest 3 are mine meaning they have no other mom, my husbands 3 year old on the other hand has a very difficuly mom (Brooke) from my experience I have found to let her deal with it on her own terms the first day or 2 we have her I am M. to her, but by the time she goes back with her mom I have become mom/M.. When she is with us I dont act like "the step-mom" I treat her like I would my own flesh n blood, if she is naughty she gets punished by me and if she crys for her dad he backs me up 100%. I dont try to get her to like me I just go on with my buisness and it seems to be working pretty well. Good Luck :)

I am a step-mom of an 11-year-old. I was lucky enough to join his family when he was only 19 months but can understand what you are going through. You did a great job letting them know that you're "their Angie". That's really cool.

It is not cool though that the ex is manipulating the children's minds though. Just keep at it. Just by constantly being there, the children will learn to accept you and as they get older, hopefully they will be able to develop their own opinions about you and start asking mom why she was always lying about you and saying bad things.

My step-son has wanted to live with us for years, but every time he tells his mom, she manipulates him into changing his mind. She's even gone so far as to tell him that if he ever leaves her she will never speak to him again and he will never speak to her daughter (his half-sister) ever again. It scares him. So your hubby's ex is probably afraid of you so she's still trying to control things through the kids. Just hang tough. It's hard to do it, believe me I know, but it's worth it.

Being a step-parent isn't easy no matter the age of the kids! You didn't say how long they knew you before you married their dad...or if you were living together before, but that changes the dynamic too if you moved in after you were married.

You and your husband could consider making a list of "house" rules. For instance:
1) Everyone cleans up after themselves.
2) Bedtime is...
3) Treat each other with respect.
Keep it short, but pertinent to your household.

Write them out and have a little family meeting to have a discussion about what each rule means to everyone. Husband needs to very clearly say that this is OUR house and you have to follow OUR rules.

Stay laid back about it and consider that in other families where there is no step parent that this can also be a problem at times.

When I married my now ex-husband...I got kids and grandkids! One of my step daughters actually used to call me her wicked stepmother as a joke...though it wasn't in the beginning. And one of the grandsons called me his mean grandma A....mean in that I made him do his homework and eat healthy meals (unlike his other grandparents). Our relationship developed over time, but I am still close to most of the kids after the divorce. Let them have some activities with their dad alone, but don't apologize for family time!

Check out "Stepmonster" at your local library. It's an amazing book focusing on you, the stepmom. I married my husband and got a 3 year old, and while she seems to have taken to me more than yours are, it's still hard and still very frustrating at times. This book was great- and made me feel like it's OK if things aren't perfect and if the kids aren't completely liking you yet.
That said, I think what needs to happen is your husband needs to start backing you up. If you say something needs to be cleaned up or ask them to wash their hands or god forbid say "please" or "thank you" and they ignore you or say no, your husband needs to step in and say something to the extent of, "_____, your stepmom/ Angie asked you to do something and you need to listen and mind her".
The main thing I learned in the book was that if this is going to work, the children MUST know that above all the marriage and YOU come first. They might refuse that at first, but it will help them and your family so much down the road.
Good luck, I feel for you completely. My stepdaughter is 6 now and we're kind of experiencing the same thing. :)

Time is essential here - you have to give the kids time to adjust to their new family life. Just let the little things happen day by day. Stay consistant in your involvement and the kids will adjust to you.
You can approach your new family by reminding yourself every day that you are a caregiver who is patient and willing to wait until the kids come to you. Trust that it will eventually work out as long as you remain consistant and even in your behavior. You can't force them to accept you with talking and reasoning, but you can be there when they need you.
You husband can help you by standing behind you in your decision to join the family. It is important your husband remember to correct any disrespectful behavior to you. He has to let them know the adults are in charge and the children will respect them.
Very Important: I know it is tempting to blame the Mother and have a go at her, however this is a HUGE mistake. Do not go down the road of blaming the Mother for manipulation, this will make you the devil in the children's eyse. No amount of talking will help you win that fight - if you choose to engage in the fight, you will lose. Remember this is their mother and no matter how right you feel you are, if you cooose to make it about her side and my side then you set yourself up to lose all respect. Children will always take the Mother's side. Instead be the bigger, better person and treat everyone with respect and give them the benefit of the doubt. Please, for you own sanity and peace choose the high road.

I am not a step parent but I am mom to a 1 and 4 year old. The 4 year old can be a real handful at times. But he is old enough to understand that we have rules in our house and they are not the same as at grandma and grandpa's house. So they should be able to understand what is expected at Mom's house vs. Dad's house. I would suggest you and your husband sit down and discuss what you want the rules to be in your home then sit down with the kids and explain it to them. Ideally their Dad should take the lead in discipline but he may not always be available. You both need to get across to them that they need to respect an adult in authority (teacher, babysitter, etc) and that includes you (and it is not about you being a step parent vs a parent). If you feel like you have been thrown in the deep end as a step parent there are numerous good parenting books and some on step parenting. If it is still unmanageable you can always look into family counseling. Good luck.