Step-child Discipline

Updated on July 01, 2009
W.R. asks from Houston, TX
4 answers

Hello Mommies! I have received really great advice from this website, so here goes again...I will try to keep this short. My 11 yr old step-son is coming for the month of July, as he has done since he was 1yr, however, this year we will be spending a lot of time with my husbands parents and brother. My step-son feels as though he does not need to listen or follow our family rules when he is around them. He already has issues with behavior, his mom tells him I am evil, and not to listen to me, we also have two girls and his mom calls them his bratty half- sisters, yes she is awful and that is putting it mildly. Anyway, I really need some advice on how to handle this months situations. Last weekend we were all together, my husband is working a lot and is not always around, I tried to explain before we were around the family that he needed to listen and not talk back etc. He agreed but the minute we were around them it started. I reminded him of our conversation and he said"whatever, I dont remember." My husband backs me up but it just turns into a meltdown, I try to say that he needs to be a good example to his sister but that does not work either. The girls do not talk back and have a great amount of respect for authority, my step-sons mom is ok with her child talking back at school and allows him to treat adults like peers, we do not do this at home. So my question is do you have any advice on how I can use positive discipline for next month to get my stepson to listen and follow the rules of our family when we are with my husbands family? Thank you in advance!

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D.A.

answers from Houston on

This is a very difficult situation to be in. You can avoid the "whatever, I don't remember" response by writing down a behavior contract which he, you, and your husband sign. He agrees to the rules of the house. In return, you agree to give him something he wants - TV or computer time, choice of dinner one night a week, a favorite activity. He loses privileges as he misbehaves. Negotiate, and give on the minor issues. Don't get upset; just calmly enforce the rules. Tell him how he behaves at his mother's is between her and him, but you are responsible for how he behaves under your watch, that you want the best for him. Build relationship, and try to get past the "evil side." This is a little kid whose mom is acting like a two-year-old. Try to rise above that.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Since you and your husband agree but he is not around much your next best is his family. Before you get with them, communicate with them what you and your husband are trying to do and what you are up against and request that they assist in your efforts of make this child easy to be around. If a grand-parent, aunt or uncle will correct/chastise him when he acts up maybe he will get the message that what he's doing is not acceptable.

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N.S.

answers from Houston on

You do have a situation on your hands - not only a step-son but a boy going into puberty.

The only advice I am able to give is to make sure your husbands family is on board with the discipline and respect factors. If you are around them and they support the decisions made within your home and family unit it may help.

Good luck.

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J.M.

answers from Houston on

I agree with Debra. Discuss what behavior is exceptable and expected and then write it all out in a contract and have him sign it so that he knows he is accountable. Also, be sure to give lots of reminders. It's going to be hard for him since he is not used to having rules, being respectful, etc. Also, I would most definitely work off a reward system that rewards him on a regular basis like every day: computer time, tv time, extra dessert, favorite soda drink, whatever you think he would work for. You might even ask him what rewards he would like for cooperating. Also, be sure to give him positive comments when he is doing well to show your appreciation. Positive reinforcements is MUCH more effective than negative so stay as positive and loving as possible. Prove his mother wrong. Good luck!!

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