Stealing from Parent

The mistake I made living with my mom (with my boyfriend and son) was feeling like a child and not holding my end. I payed for the cable and water, but I still felt like a child. In my situation I should've been paying at least $25-50/week for rent and then paid for most the bills since I was home the most.
My mom let me use some money here and there for last minute garage sales...it wasn't a good idea though because it was like using a credit card. I still feel like I haven't fully repaid her, but she says I did.
When children become adults, but still live at home with their parents...boundaries really have to be set, especially when their are younger siblings. It's so easy for us older siblings to get jealous (well in my case it was).
Communication is the key to all relationships!

Some baby birds need a boot on their butt and a SHOVE from the nest.

I am 28 years old. I would be ashamed if i was living with my parents and not even paying for food! I am married, have a 6 year old daughter, and we bought our first house this year. 28 is plenty old enough to have real adult responsibilities.

Like the others said, lock up your money and expect more from her.

I think I'd let the missing money drop but I would begin expecting something from her. First, I would be sure to make my money difficult to get to. I suggest that she needs to learn responsibility and accountability.

After the holidays, I would tell her that it's time for her to start paying her way. I'd start by requiring her to do certain chores. I'd give her choices for what she wants to do. Then I'd ask for a small amount in rent, based on her income.

I'm guessing she has a minimum wage job and is therefore unable to live on her own. If that's the case, I would start talking with her about how she can improve her skills and get a better job so that she can live on her own. Unless it's OK with you that she lives with you forever.

If you don't want to change your expectations of her then I would tell her that I knew she stole the money and that you expect her to pay it back. No argument. Just a statement of fact. Walk out of the room if you have to so that you don't get sucked into an argument.

After your SWH: So, what are you going to do to make what you want to happen happen. Sounds like you're just waiting for it to get better. I urge you to take control and set some boundaries for your daughter. She needs them so that she can mature and take responsibility for herself.

28? Girl? No she is a woman. By 28 I was married for 8 years and managing a dept. for Macy's I did not even have a degree.

Time to have a renegotiation.

She can continue to live with you if she pays, some for rent, electricity and food.
Her responsibilities are.. Clean her bathroom, do her own laundry, clean the den.. Whatever.. If she does not.. She will need to pay for a housekeeper.

She may need to search for a second job if she is not interested in looking for a better paying job..

Speak with your husband about setting an ending date..that she has to move out.

Lock up your purse, piggy banks and money jars.
You don't put temptation in front of someone who has problems with it.
Don't keep a lot of cash around the house in general.
She needs better than a minimum wage job and what ever she earns, she should be paying you some sort of rent.
And doing some house work needs to happen.
If for no other reason - some people can make a bit of money scrubbing other peoples toilets - consider it job training.
You need to figure out how long you want her living with you to go on.
A year or two?
A decade or more?
She's not maturing anymore and that's the problem.
As long as she stays with you she'll be in a stagnant holding pattern and never achieve independence.
You are her safety net and she knows it.
You've done this song and dance 5 times before (moving her out and letting her move back in).
The show is getting old (and so is everyone else).
Will she still be living with you when you are 70 yrs old?
You have a 2 yr old to raise - you have taken the 28 yr old as far as you can.
She's not too old to join the Army - the upper age limit is 35.
Take her to the recruiters.
Her move out date is when she goes to boot camp.
Then change the locks and do NOT let her move back in!
Send her all the care packages you want but she has to stand on her own two feet.
And if she ultimately decides she wants to be homeless - she's an adult - it's her choice to make.
You have to stop feeling guilty for the choices another adult makes.

Your daughter is a women. She needs to get a bank account , she needs a life coach. She needs councelling to get her started on own life. She needs to be saving to move. Put your change and money where she cannot get it. If she is stealing four dollars she needs help. Make a plan with her with a time limit for everything. Life coach, give her two days to find one, councelling appointment give her 2 days to make it. A goal of 8 weeks to save money to get a small apartment. She may need a second job. Let's not hold this women back by taking care of her at 28, your not helping by doing this. She is a women and needs to step up and act like one.

28 year old...girl?
Is she special needs or something?
I guess if I were you I'd start using a debit card, keep my cash someplace weird (like a hallowed out lipstick tube) and instead of a piggy bank open up a savings account for the little one.

you're talking about her like she's 16. sounds like you're treating her pretty much the same as you did then. she is TWENTY EIGHT. this is not a child.

she needs to move on - she is using you just like she used the drugs. she needs help, she needs to grow up, and she needs to take responsibility for her own life - none of which mooching off you, is doing for her. sorry mama. it's tough love or nothing at this point. it's past the point of "helping" - you're not.

time to get tough mom. she's treating you like dirt. being her doormat isn't going to change that. stand up for yourself, your husband, and your child. both of them, actually, because you're harming them both by allowing this situation to ferment.

An adult 28 yo is not a girl. Why is she living with you and has no responsibilities and no requirements to contribute to the household? I don't think you should drop this. Set the ground rules of what is expected from her being in your home and a deadline for how long she will be allowed to continue to live with you. Sorry, but I have several people in my family that moved home as adults and do nothing to help out or pay. They are all spoiled and their parents are not helping them to be responsible.

You may suspect, but you can't prove it. Lock up your purse and the piggy bank. Problem solved.

You shouldn't have to do that, I get that. It's your home and it should be respected, but until/unless you can prove who did it then it is better then creating a scene.

Honestly a 28 year old girl should be taking care of herself especially since she has a job. Unless there is a reason she cannot care for herself that you have not mentioned if I were you I would let her know that her time living free is up and she needs to start doing things for herself. A 28 year old woman is plenty capable of taking care of herself and should be. Get her out of your home seeing as it is obvious she cannot be trusted.

If she were my child I'd be finding her a studio apartment or one room rental somewhere and I'd give her 30 days to get over there. I might even be tempted to pay one month's rent in advance.

Otherwise I would stop enabling her.

And I wouldn't have another adult, even my child, in my home who steals from me.

By subsidizing her you're inadvertently (not on purpose) telling her she can't do it herself. That's not good for her. She needs to learn the lessons of life, now rather than later when the stakes get even higher.

Try to avoid feeling guilty. What's done is done and now it's time for her to function as a full-fledged adult.

Good luck.

First of all, hide the money from her. Second, if you are SURE she took it, tell her that you know she took it, and that you are ashamed that a grown woman would steal from her own family, even if it's only four bucks, and then drop it.

If you are not SURE, let it go.

Time to take your foot and put it down on this 28 yr old woman. Not a girl a woman. If she lives in your household then she's responsible to contribute to it. Not paying rent, doesn't pay toward utilities, or contribute toward food? Why are you allowing this? All that will happen is you'll end up stressed and resentful.

Sit your daughter down and tell her that the situation is not working out. Money is missing and she isn't helping out around the house putting the additional burden of having more people in your house. Tell her that right now you two will list out what responsibilities belong to who. Make sure it contains everything including rent, utilities, cleaning, food purchase and prep, etc. Your daughter isn't seeing the big picture of everything that is falling on your shoulders. By listing everything it should help drive the point home that she needs to step it up.