My 9 year old son stole $30 from our family friend (who is 10). After questioning him a lot of where the money came from, and not settling on the continued stories he was telling, in tears he finally told the truth. He was scared he would be punished, so we did not want to punish him because he did tell us the truth. He will return the money and tell them what he did. Do you have any suggestions on what else we can do to further teach him why he should not steal (other than talking to him and explaining why we don't steal, because we have and keep doing this). I just wonder what more we can do.
Thanks,
I'd take something he likes and hide it for a while. When he is finally frantic he can't find it say I stole it so you would know what it felt to loose something. Then have a nice rehash of feelings and other people's feelings.
To be sure that he understands what you're telling him about why we don't steal, I would have him write about what he did, in GREAT detail, how it resolved and how he feels about what he did and why. That makes him take time to really consider and think about what he did.
BTW, I still think he should have been punished even though he EVENTUALLY told the truth. He apparently lied several times before being honest; IMHO he should have been punished for the lies and for stealing. The world does not forgive and forget just because someone EVENTUALLY tells the truth. You have missed an opportunity to teach him a life lesson.
Here is the issue I have with how he acted. He stole, didn't tell the truth and was pushed until he realized he better tell the truth. His actions show he did understand what he was doing.
I think he needs to write a letter confessing that he stole, repay the money and yes you should give him some sort of discipline. Sorry he lied before confessing. Sure he was scared but he wouldn't have had any consequences if he hadn't have stolen money from a friend. He is responsible for his actions. He is old enough to be held accountable.
Um sorry but I totally disagree with you, he should be punished cause he did steal and he eventually told the truth AFTER he knew he was caught. So he lied to you over and over. I would have him give the money back and apologize and then have him do extra chores to pay off $30 bucks(keep tabs and don't let him off easy) so he can learn how hard it is to work for money and how it must feel to have someone just steal it. JMO but there is nothing wrong with being scared to be punished by your parents. There was a lot of things I didn't do cause I knew if my parents found out I would be in for it! And no I never got a beating or anything like that.
so this isnt his first time stealing? If not then I would punish him and he did lie. Granted he finally told the truth but he did lie after telling stories about how he got it. I mean returning it and telling him what he did is punishment (I would make sure you are there when he does it so you can make sure he did tell the truth) but like I said if this isnt his first offense with stealing then there needs to be more done.
He told the truth, he was in tears, I think you are done. Punishment will do nothing other that encourage him to continue lying to avoid getting caught doing whatever he is doing wrong. I assume he has apologized to the family friend - if not he should do that.
Sure he told the truth, but only after he realized that holding out wasn't going to work. I say he needs a further consequence. He needs to know that this is a big deal, and that he's not going to just get off easy by telling the truth. In addition to returning the money and writing the apology, I think he should do extra jobs around the house every day for a week.
I think he needs to return the money and confess in person, then apologize.
The consequence will be how it affect their future relationship, and that will likely be enough for it to last.
Let him know that any further stealing will carry a further consequence. This may be loss of privileges or extra chores...whatever you feel is appropriate. Stealing and sneaking are never okay and there's never a reason to do them.
Reasons not to steal: simply put, people stop trusting you and it ruins relationships. One thing a wise woman I know did with her older child in a similar situation was to show him what it felt like to not be trusted; he had to shadow her, wherever he was, whatever she was doing (besides toilet and shower) for the entire day. His desires had no real precedence, so he could only switch out activities/toys, etc. when it worked for her. He could not be out of view, period. He learned that it is really boring to be tied to mama's apron strings for the whole time. This would be a powerful lesson on why it's so important that people are able to trust you. And if your son repeatedly lied about this, maybe it would be a good thing to have him spend a day with you, doing spring cleaning.
Let him earn money doing work in your house. Not his usual tasks, but any 'above and beyond' stuff. I do this with my son, as well as allowing him to sell toys he's grown out of (garage sale), etc. My son is six and knows that when he turns down a job, that's one less dollar in the piggy bank.
I would have him write an apology letter to say how sorry he was for stealing. That's not a little thing. Yes, it was good that he told the truth, but it took him awhile to do it and lying about it. He said he was "scared he would be punished" Well ya, of course. To me that shows that he definitely knows what he was doing was wrong but he did it anyways. Kids do this, yours isn't the first or last but I dont think he should go completely without punishment.
So therefor if it were my son, I would make him write the apology letter, and then extra chores on top of that.
And in your other question just posted, NO I do not think you should be giving him an allowance.
I suggest that is sufficient. Good job, Mom. Unless this is a pattern of stealing I would not do anything else. I would expect that this was a one time occurrence from which he's learned and express my confidence to him in his ability to not do this again. Giving him positive reinforcement for doing the right thing works much better than negative consequences.
See what "I love my boys" said.
He should be punished. He should also have to do extra chores.
I always gave my kids an opportunity to earn money by working. That way they learn that you work for what you want. If they wanted to earn money for something special, I would tell them would match what they earned towards the big toy (like a bicycle). The idea is that you work and save and don't buy on credit.
I taught my kids to work and pay for what you want, not overbuy on credit. A credit card is a tool, just like a hammer and screw driver are tools. But each tool has to be worked correctly. If you try and use a hammer on a screw or a screwdriver on a nail, you are likely not find the end results satisfactory.
Good luck to you and yours.
