Staying Home - Better When Kids Are Babies or Older and in School?

I didn't have the oppty to stay at home until my son was about 7 years old... by then, ok I missed many breakfasts and incredible amounts of "moments in the day" However, it's been great to be at home since he is older. one, it allows me and or my husband to attend more school functions (esp all his field trips) it allows us to volunteer and or pick him when he gets out early or has a holiday... it also allows me to be as I say a more "apparent" parent.. when I was wking all day long by the time I got home I was so dead tired.. we'd spend some time together but by 8pm I was so tired from getting up at 3:30am that I needed to get to bed.. NOW.... I am no longer chasing sleep and feel that I am an even better parent. not only do I feel more rested but because of it, it allows me to spend more quality time with my son... We do his homework, hang out, make dinner , play music and just have great quality time... therefore, if you can do it when a bit older, I think it's just as good as when they are younger...
In my case, I consider all the time with him special, therefore, trying to discern as to whether it seemed more important when he was younger vs older.. it's tough..... it all passes so quickly... my advice, grab what precious moments and time while you can and make the best of it all.....

good luck to you

I've been a SAHM since my first child was born. So like 9 years now.
But once my kids were BOTH in school, I have a part-time job now.

Anyway you decide, I think it is important... and meaningful.
It is a personal decision.

I have been home the whole time with all five (soon to be six) of my children. My oldest daughters are 14 & 13 then i've got a 11, 8 and 4 year old.

It really does depends on the kid. I'd say its 50/50. I wouldn't hesitate to say that my two middles benefited most by me being home at the beginning, but I also wouldn't think twice to say my oldest and middle need (NEED) me in their older years, while when they were young, I think they would have striven with me not home.

I would have to vote to stay at home with my kids as babies, if I HAD to choose. Just because I cannot bear the thought of missing all the milestones that come soooo quickly when they are young. Not to say it wouldn't drive me nuts to miss all the soccer games and projects and good stuff with my older kiddos, but I get so "baby-fanatic" that I couldn't handle not being there why they still want you LOL

School-age. Staying home when they are young and home all day is draining and our interactions were less than wholesome. School-age, they are gone a good chunk of the day. I have time to get the house in order and cook, so I can be a better, less-harried mom when they come home. When they are young, they are so full of energy (and not great at entertaining themselves) I feel a daycare center is more appropriate. The workers are paid to care for, entertain and educate, and do it with a smile.

I stayed home a little when she was an infant and toddler. But my absolute favorite was being able to pick her up from school and find out about her day. Getting to volunteer at her schools and see her with her teachers and friends.

I feel extremely privileged to have been able to be so present during all of her school years. We have thanked my husband so much for working so hard all of those years..

I did take on work when the opportunities occurred, but never full time during all of those years. We did not take vacations, we drove old and used cards, we were very frugal to make this happen.. Totally worth it to us.

I mentioned on here before that an old employer of mine, told me once that staying home when they were older really helped you to guide them through issues like bullying, on and off again friends, ethics in school like no cheating, partying, peer pressure, dating, anorexia, depression, cutting etc etc. which if i can explain it right, might be more specific to you and your family, while
use your words and share are pretty universal things everyone teaches toddlers.

In that sense, I think she meant anyone can read a story and give a snack but learning how to be an adult is tougher and might not be what i want a daycare/ type place teaching my kids.

That said, Oh oh Oh how hard it is to turn over your precious baby to a stranger or even a family member and not be there with them after you have carried them in your womb. and I truly feel that smaller intimate child care is best and alot of people cant afford one on one care so their infants are with 3 other infants and instead of the schedule being set by the child the needs of all four need to be balanced which means alot of time that you baby isn't getting what he/she needs when they need it, so great they are learning patience, but at totally the wrong time in their life.

so myhead says older, heart says younger

All of me says if you can do it, and aren't stir crazy go for it! If you feel unfufilled or to strapped for cash PART TIME rocks!!!

For me, I think it was when they were older. I went back to school when our son started kinder our daughter was in 4th grade. I was home when they got off the bus and I dropped them off at school. I went to work in 2000 and was laid off in 2001. I was off work until 2005.

I would say that given the choice again, I would stay home longer. I should have been home with our son when he was in middle school. Our daughter had that benefit and it helped her tremendously. Our son didn't and I think that hurt him.

Should have, could have and would have. Looking back is sometimes hard!

I feel it is more important when they are older to be home when they get home from school. More for the social aspect and the doing homework aspect. What I mean by social aspect, they can't get into trouble if you are home. Oh, the things I did as a teenager from 3:30-6:00 when my mom wasn't home :)~ Yes, they need you when they are young but I feel being there during the critical teenage years is much more important. Plus, we have a rule that all homework is started right when they get home. If they need help, have papers that need to be signed, email a teacher with concerns etc, it's good to be there after school instead of trying to help when dinner needs to be cooked.

Being home when the are tweens and teenagers is critical for me. I have a part time job and am home before they get home from school. Kids really need you just around during that time in their life. You can go to their sports games, talk to them after school, drive them to lessons, just be "around" for them. (Note I was SAHM for my first 3 until they were in grade school, and worked part time for my 4th since she was 6 months old so I have covered the gamut.)

i dont get why when they are in school it is important to be a full time stay at home mom, someone please enlighten M.. i mean part time work would get the same bennefits wouldnt it? I'm not saying if that path was chosen it's not an awesome one. I would love to clean, cook, and relax a bit before my daughter got home from school and then be charged and ready to play but I would consider that a luxury=) i only have one though so i'm probably way off

When they get older you spend most of your time helping out with the school, taking them to events, things like that. You really don't spend that one on one that you do as a baby.

I think it makes no sense to stay home with kids once they are all in school.

What does make sense is if one income is now financial gravy find a job that allows you to be there for the few times they do need you. Find a flex job.

Jill, yes I was busy all the time. I worked out, cleaned the house, made meals, and volunteered at the school....and my child was involved in this how? That is the point, if you are staying home for the kids then it is pointless to do so after they are all in school. Just because someone is busy doesn't mean it is necessary.

I've been a SAHM since my children were born with the exception of about two years during my eldest daughter's babyhood when my MIL watched her so I could work and save up money. I've been home for ten years until I started a work assessment last week so that I can go back to work starting now.

My eldest is in 7th grade; middle is in 4th grade; youngest is in 2nd grade. I work only when the girls are in school. I'm home when they're home. I'll be present for important meetings with teachers and PPT meetings. I maintain contact with teachers.

It's equally as important for their entire school career. Children whose parents are home and involved get in less trouble and do better in school and have a higher tendency to do their homework. Those families tend to be closer knit.

This is what we feel will work for us.

I think that's a really tough decision... and a personal one too. Some people aren't cut out to be a stay at home parent when kids are babies. I think it also depends on what kind of work you do. If you need to keep your foot in the door so that you aren't completely out of your career by the time you come back when the kids are in school, then it's good to at least stay on part-time.

I know it's not your question, but I think part time is ideal if you can do it. It gives you time away to talk to people and maintain your sense of self in your work (given that your work is rewarding...) and it gives you lots of time to be with your child and enjoy those sweet years.

My kids are now in elementary school and I have adjusted my work schedule to try to find a better balance than working full-time. I find that they need me more now... helping with homework, negotiating ups and downs with friends, dealing with school issues, dealing with their bodies changing and different emotions, and helping with recreational stuff. There's sooo much more to deal with as they get older than there is when they are babies...

As much as I loved the baby stage with my kids, I would have to say that being a SAHM when their older is more important... IF you can find someone that you trust implicitly to watch them as a baby.

Really tough choice... so many things to consider.

Good luck!

I have stayed home since my kids were born. They are now in school. I am still home -- why? Because I am able to get all the house keeping and cooking and shopping done while they are there and be able to give them my full attention when they come home -- I am available any time they are sick or have a field trip and I volunteer regularly in their classrooms. I'm available all summer and whenever they need me. And I think it's a huge fallacy that kids don't need you once they're in school -- when my niece was 10, she hung out at a neighbor's house after school -- they would go on shoplifting trips. By the time she was 12, she was smoking pot. By the time she was 14, she was drinking heavily and having sex. By the time she was 17, she was doing heroine and had her first abortion. Her mom knew none of this until she was 20 and completely at rock bottom. Obviously, this doesn't happen to every kid whose parents both work -- very few, I'm sure -- but my sister was never available to her daughter when she needed her. Because that is such a close person in my family, I take it pretty seriously and intend to stay home with my kids as long as we can afford it.

Most important when they are little. But still awesome when they are in school! Then you can volunteer at school from time to time. Have time to get them out the door in the morning and be there for them when they get home. Have time to do chores and errands during the day so when the kids are home you can really be there for them. All in all - just less stressed!
That's my opinion. I was SAHM until my youngest started preK. Now I work part time from home with a flexible schedule.

I wonder about this too as I keep planning to stay home. One thing to consider, looking at the replies below, is your school's schedule. ie: my kids don't leave the house until 8:25 and are to be picked up most days at 2:45, 12:30 one day a week and other random 1/2 days. Kids who take a bus and leave at 7:30, dont get home until 3:30 really are gone longer and lots of schools don't have 1/2 days like we do. We can walk too so the walk too and from is a nice experience. I feel like between that, all the 1/2 days and vacation days and sick days, they're not in school all THAT much... My kids also LOVE for me to volunteer in school and apparently the kids whose mothers don't are sad about it. I'm very curious about this question too so hope everyone who answers qualifies with what they have done vs what's really just their opinion. ie: I have no direct experience staying home... I will say though that so far I don't really regret working. I think it's bc we've had the same nanny since the birht of our oldest and while she's not perfect from my POV, she is very loving, consistent, and playful/silly in a way that I never have been and I think my kdis having her in their lives has been a good thing. If our childcare situation had been a large, institutional type care situation with lots of turnover, I'm not sure i'd feel the same way. My sister has older kids and has always been a SAHM and tells me, for what it's worth, that being home when they're older is more important. Right after school is often when they're the most ready to talk about what happened, more meaningful decisions and guidance are needed etc. Personally, I feel like I need to be home more now than I did when they were little. But like you, I wonder if I'll be home thinking "I coudl just as well be at work!" Likely yes though I also would welcome the chance to relax some so when they get home from school, I'm not tired and burned out...

ETA: Also, the moms I know who stay home with school aged children complain they're so busy all the time. So either they're complainers or they must be doing something necessary...

Well, I think its most important when they are little. I personally worked full time and only in the last few years have I been home full time (work from home as I please). My kids are now 12 and 9 so they are gone to school from 7:30 -3:30. So I'm home when they leave for school and when they come home. I guess I'm not clear on your question. To me, its more important/fulfilling/necessary as you put it, to be home for them and care for them yourself when they are younger. When they are old enough to be in school full time, what is the point of you sitting at home all day when they aren't even there? I dont' see that as being important/fulfilling/necessary as you put it. Good luck.

I didn't have the luxury of being a SAHM when our daughter was little, but I was lucky to work M-Th, 20 hours a week until she went into kindergarten and the recession hit. It's my personal opinion that it's more impt. to spend the time with them while they are very little and before they start school, but that's me. I think they 'need' their mothers/fathers more when they are in their very young formative years.

i glad i didn't/don't have to choose. i have been a sahm since 2001. it was great to be home with my son and not to have to take off work to take him to any appointments(he was born with a breath problem) and then when he started school i was able to volunteer in his classroom and get to know the kids in his class. and now he is in 5th grade and i'm involved in the pto, i'm a chair person for the bookfair, i have volunteered for the same teacher for now 3 years. i know most of the kids in the school. i'm on a first name bases with both principals. i do have time for myself and to do lunches with my friends. i love being home when my son gets home from school. i like being able to go in and talk to his teacher either before or after school. i'm thinking maybe next year when my son is in jr high it maybe time for me to go and find a job....but for now i love being that "stay away from home mom"!!!!

This is a no-brainier. When they're litte. What would you need to be home for when they're in school?? Not saying it's good to be away when they get home from school. Ideally it would be nice to be home when or shortly after they get home to be able to help with homework, hear about their day, and prepair dinner.

That is an excellent question... I'm glad you asked this question!
For me: as a mom of 4 little ones... 2 in school and 2 at home... I would say... When they are babies... Because you are your child's first teacher... You set the foundation that they need before they even enter into the world.
What you do from birth to age 5 is the most important, necessary, and fulfilling time of there lives. But, is just as important into adolescents.

I think it is more important to be there once they hit about 5th grade. That worked well for me. Those middle school years and early high school years
can be tough. Deep down inside I think kids, even the big ones, like having
someone home when they get there..

it benefits kids al ages. when they are young, you care for them. you know they're in safe hands. you potty train them, you teach them to talk.
when they're older, you have homemade dinners for them, you do homework with them, you organize their playdates etc. they develop with your help.
now if you asked me when is it better for moms to stay home? never :). it's hard

I was home off and on during some of both time periods and feel it was more fulfilling and better for me and my kids while they were little, not in school yet. I have been fortunate to have a pretty flexible work schedule or understanding boss most of that time though. I do have to say the two years that I worked out of town and and had to have someone else pick up my kids if they got sick or needed anything were pretty miserable.

I think it is more important to be home with them when they are babies. Of course they need you when they enter the tween and teen years for all the issues that come up, but the early baby and toddler years are when you begin the relationship and trust that is needed for them to know they can come to you in the later years. Without that foundation, it will be hard. I stayed home with both my kids until preschool, though I was in graduate school so they had a sitter a couple times a week for a couple hours at a time. I have worked full time since they were 3 or 4 and I STILL manage to take them to most appointments (my husband and mother help for routine ortho or dental appts.), volunteer at their school, see all of their games and recitals, help with homework, help them with their problems, host sleepovers, clean the house, not so much on the cooking but that's more of a preference :) I do have a job I love, and an awesome boss, which allows for some flexibility so that has been very helpful. I have given up opportunities for advancement and earning more money so that I can maintain the flexibility that allows me to "do it all" so to speak. But I am happy to make that sacrifice and know that there will be plenty of time to advance myself when they are in college or move out :(