Is Being a SAHM Becoming Obsolete?

Yes, I feel like that, too. Most of the time it's my husband that makes me feel like that. He's not a bad guy...just doesn't get it.

Hi K.!
I to am a SAHM. Yes I do feel that way and there are times I feel so out of place that I feel like going to work but then I look at my babies ( 8,3,and1) and I think not! But yes everybody I have meet or know think well it must be nice etc.

Way to go to those SAHM!!!!!!!!!!
S.

K.,

I was a working career woman until a couple years ago. I was in an A-track career and am on leave for 21 months now. And being at home with my 3 kids, is by far .. by far, the hardest job, period! Fortunately for me, my husband did a stint of WFH with our first child and he knows how hard that was.. so he gets it. But the world does't. But that doesn't matter. Your kids know your worth and it will be years before you hear it but they will be benefitted by your being at home. And my husband tells me he has total peace of mind because I am at home to handle any sick kids, school stuff, after school events, etc. It is hard and you have to work to get your adult time but don't let anyone let you it is not a hard job. It is the hardest job I know. And no one but a mom could do it. So coming from a career gal to recent SAHM (who is still trying to figure it out), you rock! Period.

I love your post! I went to the ER one time and I the woman in triage asked me if I worked and I said "Yes, I am a stay-at home mom." She laughed and informed me that I what I do isn't work it is a luxury. I told her that if she thinks that is the case I would pay her salary to live at my house full-time for a week doing what I do. I do work far more than I ever did when I worked outside the home! I don't get alone time driving to and from work, lunch breaks, much less can I remember the last time I went to the bathroom by myself! We are on call 24-7 and there is an expectation that because we are working that we should host more family functions, run more errands for others, etc. I have less free time now! I want to know who is perpetuating the idea that being a SAHM is easy??? It is hard work with the FABULOUS benefit of watching my children grow up!

i have to say that i don't think society views being a stay at home mom as a "real" job anymore. BUT i think there are plenty of moms out there still who KNOW that it is the ultimate job! i also always wanted to "just" be a mommy. i've just always wanted to get married and have babies and raise them =) i'm not the perfect mom by any means but i personally think it's pointless to have children if they are going to just be carted off to daycare and raised by someone else 10 hours a day! what's the point in having kids then? i think it's our responsibility as parents to raise our kids to become responsible adults and upstanding members of society. and that job starts at day one with that precious little baby you bring home from the hospital.
my house may not be perfect (far from it most days!) but my kids, young as they are, are learning valuable lessons that i doubt they could learn at daycare and i am DAMN proud to say i'm the one who taught them!
BTW i know there are some cases where you really can't be at home with your kids, but i also think that there are a lot of times moms think they need that second income when they could really live without it.

ABSOLUTELY! AMEN! I adore my husband, but since I became a SAHM my needs are less imperative ("your tired- well at least you don't have to work..." ) I wish I could make him understand that I do work- nonstop with only 4 hour streches of sleep at a time and never a lunch or bathroom break alone. I am finally exactly where I want to be in life, but am terribly dissapointed that I no longer matter to anyone but my child.

When I had my first child, I continued to work 50 hour weeks outside of the home. After having my second, I decided to stay home. I can tell you this is much harder work than when I used to have a paying job. I now have 3, ages 5, 3 and 1, and I am always doing something (usually 2 or 3 things). You are absolutely correct. When people ask what I "do" for a living, I feel like I have to get defensive about it. I have a degree in Anthropology and I know that women around the world have always worked hard as mothers and that is the most important job there is for society. Anyway, you are not the only one who feels that way. Hope this helps.

I am a SAHM of two and most of my friends are SAHM as well. I really don't know anyone in my close circle who does work. I think that it much more the norm to stay at home than to work.

I work outside the home - I'm one of those that feels like I'm a better Mom when I work. I just want you to know - staying at home is not at all obsolete. It's incredibly demanding, emotionally draining, rewarding work...don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

Isn't the whole point of the gains we've made as women that we get to choose how we want to live? And shouldn't we celebrate that by supporting each other's choices, even (maybe especially) if they're different than ours? Gotta stick together, ladies! This forum is pretty great for that!

I have been a SAHM for 9 years and I understand how you feel. We work hard at keeping our home in tack and people who have not been in our shoes just need to mind there own business. We are more then mothers; we are wives, house cleaners, teachers, councerlors (sp) mechanics (compters and other wise) and on top of all of that we make sure the water, gas, electric, cable,and phone is paid and we have to make sure we have food and cleaning supplies in our house. Like you said we have to work full time, we can not take a day off becuase we had a bad day yesterday or stayed out to late partying. Really some people just feel better if they have something to complain (not really the word I wanted to use) about. Sounds like you are doing a great job and if you and your husband agree, don't worry about what other people think. Most mothers would love to be able to stay home with their children all day.

I'm a Work At Home Mom, and I know my friends are just as busy as me. I do volunteer but they can volunteer more often. There's alot to do as a mom, between appts., groceries, cooking, paying bills, helping with homework etc. Now, I can't do everything my SAHM friends do because I work, like their houses are cleaner than mine and their gardens look better... just to name a few things.

But SAHM is very important. If you need something more for yourself, volunteer for PTA. I love PTA and they always need help and they have great training for PTA Board members.

But don't let anyone tell you that a SAHM is history. It's very trendy and very important!

Don't give the people with that attitude the power to make you feel this way. The job we do, as SAHM's canNOT be replaced. I worked for many many years and just quit about 6 years ago to be a SAHM. It was not easy financially but we made it and we all love me staying home. God willing, I will NEVER leave me kids again. I was lucky for the years that I worked - that I dropped them off at school and got off when they did, to pick them up. I also worked from home a lot to make up the hours. NOTHING can replace you beeing home with your kids. I think it is an honor to be with my kids 24 /7. We homeschool so it is double nice for me.

I am a new SAHM and have found it to be rewarding but what I miss the most is ADULT interaction. I sometimes feel like I am less of a mom as well because my youngest stays home with me. What is the deal with that. He loves me!!! He is, however, going to start mother's day out because we just moved to a new town and we both need to get out more. I miss working a lot - the pay and the socialization but I love being where I am now. Hopefully pretty soon, I will have a new job but it is working from home so I can still be here when needed. I see pros and cons to both sides.

Hi K.,

I am a first time SAHM to a beautiful 7 week old baby girl..I would not trade going back to work for anything. I chose to be with her instead of putting her in daycare and letting someone else take care of her for 8-9 hours of the day. The majority of the people who do work wish that they were in our shoes.
I just thought that if I went back to work I would not have been as productive because I would have spent all day worrying about her and thinking of her. So I chose to be with her. Yes, It will be hard for me without the extra income but I feel she's more important than anything else!
SO WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK! I KNOW I DON'T!!!!! As far as I am concerned being a SAHM is a full time job!

Yes, i do agree. I have been a sahm for 9 years. I have 3 wonderful children ages 14, 8 and 6. I have been married to a wonderful man for 9 years and we have 3 cats and 2 dogs. - lol :)

I have been a SAHM for 6 years & just now got a part-time job while my youngest is in preschool. I sit here & think how in the world do working parents do it with laundry, taking care of the kids, household stuff, etc?? I'm only working 6 hours outside the house & I'm falling behind on my household chores each week! I love being a SAHM & treasure the fact that I get to be one everyday. But I love my paying job too (since that is paying for our summer vacation which we haven't had one since I was pregnant with my now 4 yr. old). But how do working parents work things out??? I consider myself a single mom since my husband works outside the house more than 50 hours a week so I take care of everything here. No matter what you do you're a mom & should treasure every second of it.
Don't worry about what others think. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs around!

It's not obsolete in my world. I could care two hoots what society thinks. I know what I do...and so does my THANKFUL husband and my other SAHMom Friends.
That being said... Being a SAHM is a choice, if you don't like it... make another choice. Not to be harsh, but that is how it is...There is NO shame in changing your mind.
COme over, I'll poor you a cup of coffee and help ya feel good about it.

Keep your head and chin up!

You ladies have the received the benefit of us older mothers who pushed many frontiers for you to be able to say at home and not feel like you are not worth anything. When I had my first child (adopted at 5 wks old) I continued to work but found a child care center close to home that I used and since it was a chain, I could drop him off at any one of the centers which came in handy when shopping at night on base. When we received orders to move and I became pregnant with the second I stayed home for 4 solid years and enjoyed the stint. When we retunred to the states (Las Vegas) I knew that I would have to work because of the location. My main priority was mother, then secretary. Sometimes that clashed when the boss feels you should be at his/her beck and call but that may be the price you pay and stay at home. When we went to Germany, I stayed home for 8 years and enjoyed it. I did have a job outside of the home but it was a different atmosphere and I went on many class trips to Munich, Salzburg, Luxembourg, London, Paris and the like. I helped with homework, made cookies and cakes for fund raisers, was a scout mom, football mom, seamstress for a living. The point being, you can be home and you can organize your life to include some outside time and time with adults. Right now it's a peer thing with a lot of young first time moms and many of the people they come in contact think that it is not an important career not job. I am back in the work force now for something to do and to earn extra funds to do my crafts. My children are grown (in their 30s)and on their own and live in different states but nearby. So hang in their and enjoy. I wish they had many little SAHM groups when I was home but this is the new world and new things come about.

I WANT to be a SAHM. My daughter is 21 months and every day I drop her off at daycare I feel as though I'm missing out on the most important job in the world. Being a full-time mom. I do get to spend one day at home with her and of course the weekends and evenings. I KNOW how hard that job is. Sometimes coming to work can feel like a "break".

Feel proud about what you do and know that you are contributing to the development of our future!

K. - and other mms for that mater :)

I just want you to know that I am a working mom...and only wish I could be in your shoes! I am able to have some flexibility with my job as I am a sales rep - but....if I don't work...I make no money....and rigt now we rely on 2 incomes.

God bless you and all other moms that do stay home!!!! It is - as another said - becoming something you see more now than you did 10 years ago. It seems to be becoming more "popular" - as it should.

KUDOS!