We just moved to the Triad area in July for my husband's job. He quickly was let go (um, one week after we moved here from GA!) and now he is working slightly over an hour away from our place. We had previously planned to only temporarily be in an apartment, but now it seems like there's just no end in sight. With gas prices the way they are, we just can't get ahead when he's having to fill up every three days.
Let me make one thing clear: niether of us have a college education, so the job he has, it pays well, and basically it's the whole 'gotta do whatcha' gotta do' type thing. But he works in the car business. That means he works weekends and they do not close until (at the earliest) 9:00 every night. That puts him leaving work at about 7:30 each morning and not returning until, on average, 10:45 p.m.
It has really put a strain on us.
He's always been in the busniness, so the hours are no surprise to me. The drive makes the hours a little longer, and the being-new-to-town-not-knowing-a-soul makes it quite tough for me. Right now, pretty much, the majority of my human interaction is with my 5 year old daughter and my 3 year old son. It's very tough.
In Georgia, we lived in a nice home, with wonderful neighbors/friends, and were only a hop, skip, and jump from my parents and siblings. So although his hours were the same, I was able to get some adult interaction elsewhere.
I am spent on what to do. He is doing everything he can and putting in these ridiculous hours trying to provide for our family. I am trying endlessly through gyms and my children's extra-curricular activities to make new friends. But sometimes the lonliness is just so hard to bear.
My children, luckily, are young and resilient and happy as can be. They have never known Daddy to be home any more than he is now (one to two days a week). I want the best for them, though, and sometimes I feel like I'm not giving them the best when I'm feeling so down.
Any insight or advice would be really great.
I guess I should ask, more importantly, does anyone else's spouse work these types of hours? I mean, I think the problem for me is not just that I need to get more involved in different clubs/groups, but that the bottom line is that he's NEVER around. It's just now been more exposed to me since I've moved out of my 'comfort zone.' How do I deal with this without feeling resentment towards my husband? I mean, I am ALWAYS alone!
L.,
Where in the 'Triad' are you.
I am in High Point, and have some ideas. But if you are in another town, perhaps another mom in your area could help.
As with gas prices being what they are, it may be to far to drive to get here.
C. in HP
hi L.,
i joined a moms club when i moved here and it really helped tremendously. they have a ton of activities for moms and kids during the day and evenings too. i joined when my oldest was a toddler. he is now 5 and still plays with the kids from the same playgroup and those moms are my best friends here. go to www.momsclub.org to find the chapter in your area. hope this helps. good luck!!
It can be difficult to move somewhere new and it sounds like there has been even more stress added on top of that. Once you get to know some people, though, I'm sure it'll get better quickly. I agree to join a mom's club. There are several to choose from. If you join one with an online community, you'll be able to 'talk' to other mom's from home and get to know them. The one that I am part of is called Triad Mommies (www.triadmommies.com). It's an awesome group with people of all backgrounds and personalities. It's a very active online group and I'm sure you'll be able to find people to connect with. We have all kinds of discussions online and also have events in-person. Even if you don't join Triad Mommies, definitely join something. It'll help to get to know people and make friends quickly.
Hi L.,
I can see how resentment would build quickly, and isolation. Are you and your husband able to find time to talk to each other about important issues like this? (Difficult enough when you are both in the same location.) Does he know how you've been feeling since you moved? Do you have other local support (church or something/someone) with whom you can talk?
Is your 5 yr old in Kindergarten now? Depending on the school, you might be able to bring your little boy along with you to her school, where you could get involved and meet new people. If the school has a website or newsletter, you could insert a comment like you did here about being new in town and wanting to make connections - I'm sure you're not the only person new to town.
Years ago when I lived in Guilford Co, I was active in La Leche League. I know you're probably not breastfeeding, but they are still a great resource for where to find other mothers - even mothers of older children. You might want to look up a local group and see if someone has some ideas for you.
But I guess you're looking more for empathy and suggestions as to how to deal with the seemingly endless lonely times. I've not been in the situation, but I bet so many wives of active duty military spouses, wives of long distance truckers, spouses who travel extensively, etc could help you out with good advice. Maybe if you posted a note (here, and on any number of internet groups) with something to that effect in the subject line, it would draw attention from those in similar situations? Just a thought.
I wish I could help more....I just wanted to reach out to you and wish you luck with your situation.
