I have a very spunky (for lack of another word) little boy. He is a very good kid for the most part. My husband works nights and I work days so we hardly ever need day care, about 1-2 days a week . So today he pushed a baby into a toy and the baby got a big bruse. I was warned that if things do not improve the next time he at the daycare (in days) he might get kicked out of her daycare. I was so shocked because I am always good about asking how he did at daycare and her son tells me that he was a bad boy, but she always says he did just fine and that he is just a normal 2 year old. So I really have not getten a chance to talk to him and try to make things better. He had an older brother as well and he used to hit him when he started daycare (the daycars ladys 5 year old hits a lot so this is where he picked it up), but I put a stop to that right away so he has been good about that for a while now. One more thing to think about is we recently found out we are having another baby so we moved the two boys in together so that he would be used to it and then when we told him he was getting another -----(brother or sister) and then it would not be to much news at once (we learned from last time:) we did tell our older child as he is 6 and he told me he would not tell his little brother so I'm just asuming he still does not know. Maybe we put to much on the kid and this is his way of acting out?? I'm just so shoked. Can anyone please offer me a quick fix solution :) I kind of thnk it is unfair that she is only giving me one more time when little kids can take a while to figur things out. I also think that when they are little like that they need to be disaplined right away and other then talking to him at home about not hitting I don't know what I can do at home?? Thoughts anyone?
Thank you for the advise! I feel much better now after reading the coments! I felt like such a bad parent because I had the hitting kid, but I just could not figure out what I was suposed to do about it hours later!! I guess it may be time to just have him at home with dad again. We liked her preschool program and him mingling with orther kids other then his big brother. O well i guess he get enough of that at the park and my hubby and do a preschool program with him. Thanks again everyone!
Update- We talked to her again to find out more of the story. The mother of the baby that my son pushed said that if my kid did not get thrown out of daycare she would pull her child. I puled my son out of daycare so that she would not lose any of that full time income. I just wish that i would have been given more time to try to fix the problem. Oh well!
Looks like you've already figured it out, but I agree that he sounds like a pretty normal 2-year-old. Some are "spunkier" than others. A book you might find helpful is "Raising Your Spirited Child."
a daycare that expects you to "fix" a problem that is happening AT daycare doesn't sound like it has a strong background in child development. The daycare I used would WORK WITH the parent and give advice and materials to help - not say fix it or else.
Your boy is using body language to convey his feelings or needs. You've now started on a long journey to teach him how to use words instead of feelings. (people are way more open to a civil conversation than being shoved, LOL) Being well spoken and good at working out conflicts are great skills to bring into adulthood. As cliche as this sounds, use these events as learning opportunities and help your little one find better ways to communicate. It's time well spent.
I don't know that I can offer a "quick fix" but I might be able to explain why your daycare provider isn't giving you much of a chance to solve the problem - it is probably as simple as money. Part-time kids provide way less income than full time kids and little kids provide more income than 2 yr olds. So, if he pushed a full-time baby and she is worried that mom will pull him/her out, she has lost a great deal more income than asking you to leave at 1 or 2 days a week.
Overall, 2 yr olds are "pushy" kids - they cannot verbalize as well and tend do to before they think. They also cannot formulate cause and effect very well (if I push the baby, the baby might get hurt) and are typically impulsive. Your daycare provider should know this (if she is worth her salt) and I agree that it is unreasonable to ask you to "fix it." Her previous comments of "he is a typical 2 yr old" are much more in line. I also agree with you that waiting until you get home is pretty useless since that age group needs immediate reinforcement of these kinds of behaviors.
Overall, I would talk to the daycare provider and find out if she is actually trying to get your son out so she can place another full timer and is over the limit or if maybe the baby's mom has taken issue with other things and the daycare provider is worried that the bruise is the "last straw." It almost feels like this is really about something else and not your son's behavior.
Good luck!
I am a daycare provider and have been for 17 years......I have been in your providers situation many times and from experience I can say she probably had a very bad day when this happened....I have a very bad child in my care at the moment and some days I tell you! LOL But each day is a new day and a fresh start. The best advice I can give you is work with him at home.....If both you and the provider are following through with things he will get it....It is hard when a parent doesn't help and we as daycare providers are the only ones intervening when behavior is unacceptable..You have to also remember that your son is with more kids at daycare and has to learn to act with lots of other children then his older siblings. From a daycare standpoint it is much harder to care for a child that is in daycare only a couple days a week or parttime. Adjustment is harder for them especially if your schedules are not the same...This behavior is normal for a two year old and things will get better! I don't what kind of daycare you have but I would hope that he has good supervision because at my house a two yr old would not be playing with a baby unless I was right there!
It's hard to see how your day care provider can go from "normal kid" language to "last straw" warning after apparently only one incident. I think Starr may be right – she might be looking for a reason to dump you. I would also be concerned that she expects you to correct your son hours after the fact. What is her job, then?
Have you considered a center where he would be with kids his own age? That might be helpful?
The first think I thought when I read your post was that she needs to give your spot to a full time kid.
There also may be some conflict between her older son and your son, and because he is being pushed around by the older one, he did the same to the baby.
Look for a new place for him, it sounds to me like you will need it soon, and his "problem" will go away.
M.
