I have been watching my friends 10 months old child now for about 4 months. I ONLY watch him to help her out since no one will watch him. He is a very spoiled baby. He EXPECTS to be held 24/7. If I do not hold him he will scream till you pick him up. I go thru this every week with him. I watch him M,T,W & F for about 12-14 hours per day. By the time Wed afternoon comes around I have gotten him to stop crying to be held all the time. Then my friend is off Thursday & now Fridays we start all over again. I have tried to talk to her about not holding him ALL the time, she swears she doesn't but I see different & so do other people. I don't know what else to say to her. I will not sit around & hold this child all day & don't like to take him out in public very much because he's getting heavy to carry around the whole time. I put him in his walker or on the floor & play with him that way instead of holding him, but he still wines. My friend guilts very easy & I think that's why she holds him all the time. I also think it hurts her feelings when the baby wants me while she is around & has called me mommy. I always correct him when he does this. Sometimes I just want to quit watching him because of how hard it is with all the expecting to be held & cries when I don't. I love this little baby. He has grown on me. I am the oldest of 4 sisters & 2 brothers. Babies crying don't bother me, but I know it bothers other people when I'm out in public with him. He has no medical problems, he's just a hold me baby. What else can I do?
Hello,
Babies cry because they are trying to tell you something. He is not crying to manipulate you, he is trying to communicate with you. He might be missing his Mom's comfort and smell, he might be bored, uncomfortable, gassy, tired, a list goes on and on. Pick him up and hear what he is trying to say - you'll both be happier for it. I don't beleive you can Spoil an Infant.
Have you told her how you felt? You should.
That being said....
My child had colic and was pretty high needs until he could crawl. He still wanted to be held alot but now at 13 months doesn't care so much about being held. Also, keep in mind that seperation anxiety really starts to peak around this point and babies need the extra security and reassurance.
I am a little disturbed about the whole spoiling thing you mentioned.
I pretty much wore my son in an infant carrier the first few months. He crawled early, took first steps at 9months and is a happy confident toddler. Some babies just have higher needs than others. Sounds to me like she needs to find a better fit since it's not working out for you.
Refer her to a few groups in Tampa such as babywearing, high needs babies or attatchment parenting. She can do a google search these type of groups. Perhaps someone can refer her to a sitter who has the same views on parenting.
Here's the thing.....if you want to watch the baby...then do so. If you can't handle the way she chooses to parent HER child....then don't watch the baby. She is a mother who has to be away from her child ALOT of the time and when she sees her child she has every right to hold him as much as she wants and give as much affection to him (or "spoil" him if that's what you choose to call it)as she wants. That baby will only be able to be held for so long and then she will not be able to hold him at all. That is a call she has to make...not anyone else. I don't understand the "old school" way of thinking that says if your baby wants you to hold him and have affection from you this is bad. Doesn't that mean she is bonding with the child and the baby craves that nice-good Mommy love? I would certainly tend to think so. If this mother doesn't see anything wrong with her baby wanting to her to hold him, and is not inconvenienced by it...then it is just fine. You are the one who cannot handle it, not her. So...if you can't handle it...don't watch the child. Do not enforce your parenting beliefs on her. You are not the child's parent...merely a part time babysitter.
I'm probably not the one to answer this BUT
I held my little girl whenever she wanted me to. At the slightest coo I'd pick her up and show her I was there for her needs. Everyone (including my parents) thought I was spoiling her. I told them research shows that children held all the time as infants become very independent and confident at a young age. By the time she was 6 months old and crawling, she was very independent..because she knew I'd be there when she needed me to be. By 10 months she was very sure of herself (and that her mommy would be there for her when she did need me) and glad to be cuddled but also loved to explore. Maybe this infant isn't spoiled..but ignored by mommy at home and needing it from you?
A sling is a fabulous idea! I firmly believe that a need met is a need that becomes outgrown. It's not unusual for a baby that age to need to be held a lot and the more he is held and lovingly attached to you, the less he'll need you to hold him. It won;t happen overnight, but it will happen if you are consistent. In the meantime, a sling will make meeting his need easier. Good luck!
REdirect him....when he wants to be held, say to him you wanna play, you want a bottle, just when he does this give him the attention but only positive not neg. attention and that way he will learn! sometimes it is better just to go about your daily routine so he gets the idea well she is not gonna hold me so i need to be independant and do my own thing. he'll learn but this is patience.
My daughter is a "high need" child...she likes to be held, likes to be played with...I bought a sling & I "wear" her when I have other things to do. Check out some attachment parenting sites/ groups... I found one by searching on groups.yahoo.com "attachment parenting"
Ditto to everyone that said you can't spoil an infant. I attachment parent and my fourth baby was high needs. He isn't spoiled. He's just needy. Now that he can walk, he's off on his own!
I agree with the others. It sounds more like a you issue, than a baby issue. I have a hard time watching others children unless I am ultra close with the parents. Do what's right for you! :)
My now 16 month old always wanted to be held at that age too. Not only is not good because it decreases the time they have to explore and learn to walk, but is tiring on us!!! What worked for us was that every time he wanted to be held we would just get in the floor with him... it took a while, but he finally got it!!!
so maybe every time he wants you to pick him up, get down with him and start playing by yourself... hopefully he'll get the point
Good Luck
C.
I don't think he is spoiled, it sounds like he is just a very high needs baby, and your friend is just using her mother instincts if she is picking him up and holding him all the time. It sounds like she is just naturally doing attachment parenting (a type of parenting that is supported by medical experts like Dr. Sears). Perhaps you should get a sling and carry him around in a sling while you are caring for him to help him feel secure. I really don't think it is your place to determine how this child should be parented, it isn't your child.
I had the same situation with an infant in my home child care. He cried and screamed from 6 months to 9 months if he wasn't held. I was about to let him go because it was stressful to the other children as well as to me. (His mom is a child psychologist- he he). He was waking up at home very early every day 4 to 5 AM and they were getting him up. I gave her a book about sleep solutions. It was amazing he showed up that Monday a new child. No one could believe it. I think it was a combination of being held too much and sleep deprivation. I don't know if this helps. I understand your frustration. My own mother thought I should dismiss him and now he is a joy.
M.
It's perfectly normal for a child to want to be attached at that age. Find yourself a good sling and the your world will be a much happier place.
You cannot "spoil" an infant by holding him. You cannot give a baby too much love & affection. He is probably very needy because he misses his mother. Spoiling is what happens when you give a child too many material things or don't set rules or boundaries. Affection does not spoil a baby.
Having said that, have you or his mother considered wearing him? This would make him happy, being held, and give your arms a break. There are some great baby carriers for an infant his age and older. Try a Mei Tai, Papatum, or Ergo carrier.
P., mom to 9 month old Kate
It seems you really have a lot going on in your own life right now. Don't quit watching the child unless it is a strain on you and your family. Your family must come 1st if you can handle it continue to watch him and continue working on not holding him all the time. but, the mother needs to open her eyes and realize taht this behavior is bad on everyone. Try to show her the difference not just tell her but somehow SHOW Her. Also on the days you have him (on a good day) try to take him to a play group or something somewhere he can be around other babies his age or other children at least. I don't know what else to tell you to try but, It seems the mother may wants the baby to cling to her at all times or depend on her.. If so that is where the problem lies.. GOOD Luck please don't give up on him if it is possible (he needs you) Concerned, B.
