ok so my cousin who i havent seen in a few years is having a baby shower the saturday after thanksgiving..we were very close when we were younger, spent alot of time together at her grandmothers shore house during summers as kids, shes only a few months younger than me. i have a few close cousins my age, but she does not. i talk to her pretty frequently on facebook, especially since i got pregnant and now that shes also pregnant we talk alot more.. ive known for about a month maybe a little more when the shower would be and told her my mom and i would go and i would bring my little girl also per my cousins request (she'll be 4 months by the time the shower rolls around) my mom n dad see her grandmother quite frequently also so theyve known we are definatley going for quite a while. This morning my mom was shopping and happend to buy my daughter a really cute thankxgiving outfit and it got me thinking about how we are going to split the time between my family and fiances for the holiday, this will be the first big holiday for us now that we have the baby, as everyone does not get together for halloween. my parents do thanksgiving at our house, actually on thanksgiving so thats not a problem. when my fiance called me on his lunch break he mentioned that his family the past few years has done thanksgiving dinner the saturday or sunday after thanksgiving so that everyone could make it. The baby shower is from 12-4 i believe. his aunts house that they always have dinner at is about an hour and 20minutes away-with no traffic, and the past few years they always say dinner will be around 3:30,4 but most times we dont eat until 5. I should also mention that the sunday after thanksgiving is the greenbay/giants game which we are going to, but a few members of his family are also going so if i had to bet id say thanksgiving dinner will be on the saturday. Now my dilemma is , there is absolutley no way i can cancel going to the shower, i would not even consider doing tha, i couldnt dothat to my cousin. i have to say my best solution would be to leave the shower a little early, but we'd still be late for dinner. id feel really bad and feel like its really rude if i only stared at the shower until 2 and then left to get to his familys house only to get there and find out no one is in a rush to eat anyway. i was considering leaving the shower at around 3, if i had all the babies stuff packed and ready to go and had my fiance pick us up right from the shower we could get up there in time for dinner, keeping my fingers crossed that as usual theyre eating late(i should mention that they wont start eating until everyone is there).... i know i know this is only the beginning, im going to have to get used to splitting time between the familys now that we have a child, but i just hate making anyone feel bad or keep anyone waiting... and now that im typing this i havent even considered what his fathers family will be doing for the holiday (this is his mothers family im talking about- theyve been divorced and remarried since fiance was very young) ughhh so what do you think? .. anyone else have difficult holiday schedules, im sure u do lol
Just get used to saying no, and having people be upset. Im only partly joking. You will never make everyone happy for the holidays, and you have the right to enjoy them as well. I would just let his family know ahead of time that you have other plans this year and will look forward to seeing them for Christmas.
I would tell him to let him family know you can come but around what time you can make it because of other family obligations. That way they are not just waiting for you for hours. I am sure they should be ok with that!
That was really long and not broken up so I skimmed it. The long and short is that you can't be everywhere and sometimes you need to speak up and say, "We can't make plans as originally arranged". Either they understand or they don't, but you can't be everywhere. Don't feel bad and put your household first. Then everything else can fall into line behind what your immediate family needs.
Okay, well I get where you're coming from, but since you know about all this now, I'd talk to your in laws about it now. Just call them up and say hey, I just realized that my cousin's baby shower is on Sat and I'm sure that is when dinner is planned for too....blah blah blah.
Just put it out there and work around it. Tell them that you are comfortable leaving the shower a little early but still won't arrive until 5pm. Hopefully they will wait for you and if they don't, they will at least know you're on your way.
And yes, now that you have a child, holidays and in-law relations become WAY more complicated I'm afraid. :-/ But, I think you have a better chance of making everyone happy if you just lay it out there now so they have time to talk it over and plan it out.
I don't have to deal with this because my family lives in Iowa and we live near my husband's family in Ohio. So for us it is one or the other, but, I thought of a solution for you. Let your fiancé's family know you have this important shower to go to and when it is. Ask if they can help you go to both events and would they schedule their dinner later like they have done in recent years so you can stay at the shower for as long as possible. Being up front about it now almost 2 months in advance is showing that you want to be with them. Let them know you will plan to leave early because you want to be with them. I think being open and honest with communication will help diffuse any problems that could come up if you wait to discuss it until it is planned. Good luck.
its simple you tell him to mention to his mom that your close cousins baby shower is saturday and you rsvp's a while ago and he can tell her you cant make it until x time. she might push it back for you guys if not she'll know and understand. you'll be ther for desert and most importantly family time so relax. anyway tons can happen between now and then
I agree with Tori and Kelly. HONESTY! You have a bit of time on your side. Call them up and lay it all out. Let them know that you have these SPECIAL plans for the shower, and you will NOT cancel out on that. You DO however want to spend part of the holiday with them, so how can you all make that happen? I am sure that with the extra time, you can all come up with a solution that will work out for you. If they are unwilling to work with you even with this much advance notice, then they are very stubborn people, and you know ahead of time that you need to be in charge of your life and keep holiday plans short but sweet. They don't sound stubborn to me though, they actually sound quite laid back and relaxed since they all eat late and wait for everyone to arrive. I wish you the best and hope you enjoy the holiday season! Oh yeah, keep in mind that as your child gets older, you may want to change things up a bit and have family start coming to you and your home instead of running all over with your child. It worked out that way for us, and in the end it was much better. We did my family one night and his the next day or night. Our kids didn't have to be dragged around everywhere, and on Christmas they got to stay home in their own house to get to bed on time and then Christmas morningg they could enjoy playing with their toys and not have to pack up and be on the road all day. Plus, I love to entertain, so I got to decorate and have the company here and entertain everyone at my own home. I even included some friends who had no family to speak of, who to this day are part of our "family" so they act as a buffer with our own family members if they overlap and we are worried about everyone getting along. Works out great! :)
