What if your child never asks? My child has not asked, and he's at the age where I think we should be talking about this (almost 7). He even has a brother almost 4 years younger, and all the time I was pregnant, he never asked how the baby got in there.
I'm been waiting for a related conversation to bring it up, but it doesn't happen (all my son wants to talk about is baseball, and I don't know how to work it into that LOL). It would seem strange to bring it up totally out of the blue, but I'd rather he hear it from me than friends.
What would you do?
Sorry to be so blunt here, but a wonderful woman I once knew -she passed away but not before she gave this wonderful answer. Did I say it yet?
Babies come out through a tunnel between the woman's legs. Ok, if they want to know more then they are probably ready for more. Otherwise they usually just walk off.
I think it would be wise to ask him what he knows now. That would give you an idea of where you need to start, if you need to clear up any misunderstandings, and what his comfort level/curiosity level is like.
Sorry kiddiepshrink but I couldn't disagree more. My oldest son is now 15 and despite my having babies when he was 6, 8 & 11 he NEVER asked a single question about where the come from, how they get there, how they come out, or anything. And I was ready and waiting for the opening, I swear! I researched answers, read books, and figured that at some point, a question would come up and we'd be off and running. Nope. Never, ever happened.
I know that my oldest son has had a comprehensive education on all of this in school. I only know this because my friends who have kids in his grade talk about what their kids thought of this class or that movie or whatever. I started bringing some of this up when I know that he was having these classes that talked about puberty, development and later sex, protection, etc. and he would quickly shut down the conversation and tell me that he knows everything. We were usually in the car so I would say what I thought was important with him yelling "OMG mom stop!" So...I know that I am the last person on earth that he will come to with questions or concerns or seeking information. I just hope that what he learned in school has sunk in and that his girlfriends have brains.
With my younger sons, it's been a different story completely. They were just curious and are not shy. They were 3 & 5 when I was last pregnant, as a surrogate. My 5-year-old (who is now 9) wanted to know everything. So he learned about uterine cancer, what a uterus is, what ovaries are, egg harvesting, egg fertilization, embryo transfer, ultrasounds, and how babies are born - as a Kindergartner! My youngest, who is now 7, made up a song that goes "van-gina, van-gina, if you have one you're...a girl..." and they are not at all squeamish about asking questions.
If I were you, I would hit the library or book store and see if there's a book you like on development in general. I know that for girls, there is the American Girls series - I don't know if there's something similar for boys. Then just casually introduce the topic. Maybe just go ahead and ask him something like "have you ever wondered where babies come from?" and take it from there. I really wish that I had stopped waiting for my oldest son to ask and had just gone ahead and started up this subject when he was younger.
Near as I can tell I educated my older daughter's class. It got to the point where she was bringing home written questions.....
So yeah, apparently your child is more comfortable getting his info from his classmates. So you either bring it up yourself or hope the mom that is getting all the questions knows what she is talking about. :)
I think you could start to introduce him to the idea that boys and men are different, that in a few years his body will start to change and he'll become more like Dad. (Or Uncle Joe, or whoever is a male role model). You can ask if he ever noticed that his Dad has a deeper voice, or adam's apple, or hairy arms, etc. Or maybe, since he's into baseball, something like "Wow, those guys are so much bigger and really muscly. Did you know that when you get older your body will change like that? And other changes will happen, too." Then once he's thinking about how his body will change when he gets older, you can start to go down the road of what that means, etc. I think you have plenty of time, you don't need to hit him with everything now, but I'd just start planting some ideas and open up that avenue with him.
I do this with my daughter, which is admittedly easier, since my body is clearly different than hers. She is 6 and I say stuff like "When you get older, between 10 - 14, your body will change and you will start to look more like Mommy. Won't that be great?" I'm also lucky that I have a son, so its easy to talk about the differences there. At this age I focus on calling things by the correct anatomical names, identifying what/where are private areas and what kind of behaviors can be done with these areas (and where... aka, in private). They both know the correct names for both genders' anatomy.
From what I read, this is kind of "priming the pump" for the more specific details you'll need to get into later. If you can normalize this kind of discussion now, hopefully it won't be so weird to talk about the other stuff later. (That's what I'm hoping... at least!)
Good luck!
Wait until he asks. It's not really a common topic among the early elementary crowd, especially if his "baby brother" isn't a "baby" anymore. If someone in his class has a new baby, he may ask.
Otherwise, there's really no need to have this conversation until he brings it up to you. If he hears it from his friends first (very possible), then you "correct and clarify" whatever version he gets in a factual way and move forward.
At 2.5, he probably assumed you "swallowed the baby" or some other literal method and didn't really care what the "truth" was! My son was 3.5 when we got pregnant and he was more concerned about how the baby was coming "out" than how she got in there. His version involved "pooping her out" and he often asked me to open my mouth so he could talk to the baby (literally thought she was in my stomach). If he was 2.5 I doubt he would have asked much at all!
My oldest son is 15, and he had tons of questions. We spoke very openly about everything, and when he was 9 or so, I had a very frank discussion with him about sex. From that point he and I had (and still have) many discussions about sex and relationships. He is comfortable talking to me about anything. I teach high school, so I come home with stories that often open the door to conversations.
My youngest is 9, and he is a different kid entirely. He has never asked about anything related to babies or sex. Well, he hasn't asked me or my husband (his dad). He has asked his brother a few very general questions which he answered honestly and then reported back to me. My oldest son told me that he thinks I need to talk to him this summer about everything because if I don't he will probably be getting misinformation on the playground. I agree. So, we will be having a talk, or a series of talks, this summer.
I also have a book that I can recommend; it's called The Boy's Body Book. I like to talk to the boys first, and then give them a book for a reference. Then they can go through the book whenever they want to, and can come to us for information, too. Here is a link to the book on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Boys-Body-Book-Everything/dp/19...
I'm sure I was 8, in third grade, when I came home and told my Mom I had heard a "dirty word" on the playground. My friend knew what it meant, she said, and I didn't, and she wouldn't tell me! I think my siblings and I were trying to take a nap with her (there were 3 younger than me at that point), so she just told whoever was there a little "bedtime story" about "where babies come from!" I can picture it like it was yesterday, and it is probably one of my fondest memories of childhood! A friend of mind told me about how her older child was 7 1/2 when her 2nd was born, so she explained about the Dad fertilizing the egg inside the Mom. After the child was riding in the car with her Mom's friend, the friend said, laughing, to her friend, "I don't know what you said to her, but she just had all kinds of questions about how did the Dad wear his gardening boots to help the Mom have a baby!"
I haven't read the American Girl book, but Dr. Ruth has a very interesting one that my cousin passed around at a family get together last year. It was a riot for the embarassed adults but such a good book and so educational for kids.
I have the opposite problem. My 3.5 year wants a little sister and is waiting for the day she is in my tummy so she can come out soon. We are done having kids unless something divine happens.
