Speaking of Things We Tell Our Husbands...

I don't tell my husband (unless he specifically asks) how much I spend on my children's shoes! He would feel comfortable with me spending $10 on shoes at Payless, me not so much!...Ha!

I would be sure to share the facts, but not the conjecture. "There's a guy in IT who had gastric bypass ..... etc." You don't know if this guy actually has a crush on you or is interested in promoting a healthy lifestyle change. A lot of people who successfully undergo some sort of overhaul feel a moral obligation to help others with the same.

Disclosure of facts is always a good idea. Your guesses really serve no purpose.

Now, if you spend some time thinking about it and come to some sort of realization that you were hoping this IT guy had a crush on you because you aren't feeling appreciated by your husband.... that might be something to work through as a couple.

I don't tell my husband every time I hear from my ex. We managed to stay friends and share the odd e-mail every six months or so, just to catch up or say Happy Birthday. No super-personal stuff you wouldn't share with a new acquaintance. Just friendly hellos. Hubby knows we're still in touch, but I don't feel the need to cc him on my e-mails.

It is very likely he could have been testing the waters. And, if he wasn't, who cares! Take the compliment and run!! You had the perfect response to his question. You kept it business and gave him an opportunity to walk with the group, heavy emphasis on 'group'. If he really is a nice guy he is not going to be pressuring you or making it awkward anyway.

Congrats Girl. You've still got it!

i wouldn't think anything at all of that email. he probably just wants to walk and chat with someone who's going through something that he's been through. but a walking club sounds official. perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable talking about what y'all talk about (weight loss, lifestyle changes, etc) in front of people he doesn't know all that well yet. and me, i much prefer talking to one of two people rather than 5 or more in a work setting. i'm ok at parties (because i kinda psych myself up for them), and i can do public speaking. but i don't really feel able to be myself on a "normal" basis with lots of people, especially work people.
i don't think there's anything TO tell your husband, to tell the truth. i know my husband doesn't want to hear every single little communication with every single person i come into contact with. it'd bore him to tears. (not to tears...to crossing his eyes and asking how jennifer is....his way of reminding me to go talk "girl talk" with her). that makes him sound bad---we love to talk. but about actual "stuff". he'll totally listen if we're discussing politics, money, art, a joke, something to do with the kids or an event that happened in the day. but just "hey do you want to go for a walk?"....."a bunch of us are going if you want to come"....and no answer....jeremy would say guys don't even want to hear that, so you're "off the hook" on that one.
However, as Beth mentioned, you did GREAT by making an emphasis on going as a group in a very easy, casual way. That way you're making a point that you're married and up for group conversation in a way that is natural and not embarrassing if he was thinking anything. You handled it fine, whatever it was, on your own.

I can't think of anything I have not chose to share with him. I can think of many things I have forgotten to tell him.

If either of my husbands knew how much I spent on shampoo, haircare products in general or shoes I think I'd be a widow instead of a divorcee.

And the price of a haircut or my coach bag would have sent either of them into apoplectic shock.

Other than that...... (and the nasty things my sister said about both of them), I'm an open book.

My husband has a "work girlfriend" that we joke about. Her office is next to his, they are good friends, and they go out to lunch regularly. This doesn't bother me at all because 1) I trust him but 2) he doesn't hide anything from me about his relationship with her. There are no attempts to conceal anything, and therefore I know nothing is going on.

I think if you are open and honest with this man at work, you two could be friends. If you sense a flirtation (I wouldn't base it off of the lack of an email response, though), then keep your distance. I think by debating whether or not to tell hubby, you are giving this much more importance than it really has.

The only things I try to keep from my husband are my regular thoughts about his parents, since he already knows my general opinion of them, but he doesn't need to hear me running them down every time they do something hurtful or offensive (especially since he is usually the offended party). I also hide a couple of my ablutions that I do to keep myself beautiful (where is the mystery if he knows every step I take?) ^_^

The fact that he didn't respond? Not weird at all...IT works constantly. Maybe let him know that the walking club goes every day at lunchtime....meet by the xyz by Abc:00 if you want to go.

If this is the only time he's been in touch like this then, yeah, I think you shouldn't put too much emphasis on it. If he does it repeatedly then I think it might mean more.

If you're concerned he's getting the wrong idea, you might start talking about your husband & letting him know you are NOT available or interested.

I may or may not mention it to my husband but if this guy starts becoming more flirtatious, I'd probably mention it.

BTW -- good luck on your weight loss! Soundslike you're doing really well!

I agree that you shouldn't talk to your husband about this because (if he's anything like mine) he'll worry that as you become a more confident "slimmer self" you'll cheat on him! I have a brilliant hubby whom I love dearly. He's my best friend and usually I share everything with him but (after 21 years of marriage) I've learnt that some things are better not shared, NOT because they're "big dark & dirty" but because they're totally innocent and there's no point in him getting riled up for nothing!

Now, regarding your email - did you send it with a "read receipt"? If not, are you SURE he got it? It happened to me with a friend of mine. I was starting to feel all hurt & rejected and it turned out there'd been some kind of glitch and she actually didn't get the mail! Another possibility is that he just happened to be free at lunch-time and thought it would be nice to walk with you. He might not be comfortable around the other people you walk with or he might be feeling too unfit to keep up with a whole group.

My advice is to keep talking to him as a friend and colleague and don't worry about "ulterior motives". I'm sure he knows you're married, but (if he doesn't) casually mention your hubby & kids in conversation. Odds are that as a "nice person" he wouldn't put you in an akward position. Let us know what happened and congrats on your "healthy" weight loss!! :)

The most I dont share with him is how much the groceries cost, though I am sure he can figure it out, he makes the money. I also sometimes dont tell him how many guinea pigs I have in my cage at one time, cause he hates them and doesnt go to look at my "Rats".... I usually tell him if some guy is flirting with me. He doesnt care cause he trusts me pretty much. I dont really trust him, and that's something I dont tell him either.

I wouldn't base anything off of his lack of response. Maybe there was a big IT crisis, and he didn't get a chance to reply to your email? Maybe, as some other ppl have said, he just doesn't feel comfortable walking with/talking in front of a bunch of people. I think your response was great, and I think you're smart for not saything anything to hubby about it. I would probably just tell him how there's a guy at work who just had gastric bypass and that you've had some conversations with him.

As for something I chose not to tell hubby at first (and he got really upset about when I did tell him) wasn't a BIG DARK DIRTY secret....but it may be TMI. After I had my 2nd baby, I was passing some really big clots and my OB was getting a little concerned. They had to scrape a couple of times, and they asked if I wanted to call my hubby (who I had sent home to get rest). I told them no, because I figured he'd just worry and there was nothing he could do about it, and it wasn't so serious that I needed a tranfusion or anything. I told him 2 days later when he was wondering why they kept checking and asking. He was pretty mad that I didn't tell him. :)

I don't tell my DH what I spend on clothes for our daughter - I like her to look cute and have pretty things (she is 4) and I don't mind spending a little extra on good-quality stuff. He has no idea what they cost, he just thinks she looks cute. She also gets the better quality shoes from Stride Rite, rather than cheap ones from Walmart. I figure I earn money too, so it's coming out of my paycheck. I also don't tell him what I spend on myself if I want to - he knows I don't go crazy, and he knows when I am going for a pedicure, but he doesn't need to know how much it is. If he said something, I would just ask him how much he has spent on cigars over the past few years.

I highly doubt there was anything to him not responding to the email. He sounds like a nice guy! And good for you for losing the weight, I know how hard it is!!
So, things I have chosen not to tell husband....I have not told him about a guy that was flirting with me when I was working, in fact I never tell him about guys that flirt with me! He doesn't need to know because *I* couldn't care less about those people. I love my husband!
I noticed that when I was losing weight (I dropped 100lbs) my husband became a bit more "protective" of me when we would go out. Holding my hand more, caressing my butt (in public!!), wrapping himself around me more. Guess he felt that he needed to mark his territory. I don't want to make him feel any more threatened.
L.