Sooo Frustrated, Please Give Me Advise Ladies

What about hormones? My husband finally got tested and discovered that his testosterone level was very low. Discuss this and go to a doctor. A simple blood test could be the answer. Good Luck.

I agree with the others. You need to date Bob. (battery opperated boyfriend) All kidding aside, don't point fingers. Communicate in a loving way and tell him it is just important that he is being satisfied as you. I guarantee you it is bothering him too. Good luck.

There are some guys out there that REALLY don't know what sets women off. You might have to walk him through what turns you on and gets you to that high point. Don't be embarrassed to tell him and "show" him what feels good to you. It also can be lots of fun exploring each other and sharing things you might not have known about each other.

K.,

I am curious if he was sexual every night before you were married. If so, there is more going on than him being fine being with you only twice a week. I am suggesting that perhaps he is more stressed out now, due to job or family obligations. Some men like sex more when they are stressed, but some like it less, feeling like it is just one more obligation. You need to find a way to resolve this quickly because the resentment that will build can be devastating to your marriage! I married a man who had virtually NO sex drive and it is impossible not to feel like maybe it has something to do with you. That is not the case! So I hope you don't internalize this.

I would suggest finding a sex movie and watching it with him. Men love the visual and it includes both of you. You can tell him that if he would do "that" to you, you could do "that" to him in return. If anything, it opens discussion to what you BOTH like, instead of putting it all on him, making him defensive. If that doesn't work, by all means buy yourself a toy and learn how to please yourself. Like the others have stated he may not like that and step up. Use the toy when you are with him or let him use it on you. Once he sees what he IS capable of, he might want to do it a little bit more;-)

Hope this helps!

How do I say this tactfully? I'm assuming when you say he doesn't take care of you, you mean you're not having the big finish that he does. So, if that's the case, if he's not going to do it, you need to take control of it. Invest in a "toy" that will help you get to that point, with or without him.

Also, you may want to try counseling, either marriage or sex. If you're newlyweds and this is already an issue, it's not going to get any better as the years go by. You both need to be happy with your sex life or you're going to be resentful.

Obviously, I'm a mama, not a sexpert, but I have always been told that we don't hit our sexual prime until we are in our 40's, and theirs peaks and fizzles out when they are about 18. LOL! Not fair is it? It sounds to me like you just have to spend more time getting to know each other in that area, and it should work out if you don't stress, and just go with the flow. Take some time to find out what really stokes his fires, and run with it. Just don't get too upset while you are trying to find it. I have been married for 13 years, and we went from being animals, to being happy no matter where the night takes us. I'm sure that our maturity levels than and now have something to do with it, too, but when you are married for quite a while, you get to where the physical pleasures are just one facet of the whole marriage. We can have sex, or not. We might be too tired and just want to snuggle and go to sleep. It's all special and loving just the same.

Have you considered the possibility that he doesn't know what he needs to do to help you "finish"? You'd be surprised the number of men who know good and well how to help themselves, but are clueless as to how to help their partner achieve the same. Of course, they won't dare TELL you they don't know how. The biggest part of helping this is communication... talk to him. It may help for you to talk to him about what gets you going. Guide him in the right direction. Even if you are in the middle of foreplay, you can use your hands to guide his to where your most sensitive parts are without saying a word. Eventually, he should understand that those are the things that you like.

You have to remember that every woman is different and any previous woman he may have been with may have had different sensitive spots. He won't know unless you tell him or he stumbles upon it by accident. Hope this helps.

My husband and I went through something very similar. He wanted it all the time and I wasn't getting satisfied all the times he was, so, even though it's about the intimacy, you still want the gratification in the end or after the fourth time in a week, it's almost a waste of time. Or at least that was my jilted view of it at the time. So, basically I got to where I was backing way off and it landed us in marriage counseling because he thought I didn't love him because I didn't want to be intimate. Well, he finally got the big picture and we are both VERY satisfied now!!! You just have to communicate (and make sure he understands how important it is to you) your feelings, before you start to punish each other for your differing needs. Good Luck!!

K.,
Keep talking to him, especially when you are not craving sex or tied up in knots because of lack of satisfaction.

It is a 2-way street.... you might have to be graphic.... but talk when you are both comfortable and happy and no one is upset.

There are multiple ways to have fun and you can suggest something.

A loving relationship is about all areas of the marriage, including the physical part. So if your needs aren't being met, you both have to find a way to meet them. You'll have to comprise too. If he's too tired, maybe parts of him aren't... like maybe his hands....

K.,

I say it is time to take things into your own hands!! Get a vibrating "helper" and bring it out the next time you two are between the sheets.

I understand that you two just got married, and you really want to be "with" your husband, and only your husband... but if he is not going to take the time to pleasure you - then it is time to pleasure yourself. Maybe he will be jealous and get the hint, or maybe he will enjoy it too and want to have more sex!

Win/Win all the way around!

K., I see big problems here... How old is your husband? Did you guys have sex before getting married? Is this new since the marriage? What does he mean by he is fine with only twice a week? And if he doesn't care to please you or for you to go over the edge that is a huge problem! If this is all new to you, you do need to talk to him about what pleases you. You need to be the "go getter." Ask him what he likes and anything he dislikes. Have date nights, get a babysitter away from home and explore at home without any kids around. Listen to him, hopefully he'll ask you about what you like. If not, tell him playfully, guide him, but above all don't get resentful. What does he think about you wanting it every night, I mean, does he care? Or does he put you down for wanting it? You shouldn't have to "live with only twice a week". You are no longer individuals, you are supposed to be soulmates. Like some others suggested, he may be stressed out, or doesn't know what to do, etc. There are times that affect people differently, but it can't be an "all the time thing," or an "I don't care about what you want thing..." Ask him all the questions and get to the bottom. If it's not something that can be worked out, then may be you married the wrong guy... Best of luck!

My DH is like a horny teen...he wants it every night. He's also like a boy when it comes to showing affection...he'll tease, pull hair, throw things at me, etc. So at night after all that, he wanted to have sex, & I couldn't stand the sight of him. I've been trying to tell him that what happens during the day will spill over into the night...where men can separate the two. My DH just equates sex with intimacy where I need the intimacy outside of the bedroom in addition to the sex. We've been really trying to work on intigrating all of this.

My point is that once we talked about what we needed then we could work toward helping each other towards we need & want. If that doesn't work, get a vibrator. Then tell him you may start liking the vibrator more than him. :) Good luck!!

I think you need to do some education with your new husband about how to bring about your climax. It appears he is unsure of just what to do with you and he is avoiding the issue. Talk with him in a non-pressured way, such as on a long walk or someplace else that won't invite sex. Then show him what to do and talk him through the motions when you do make love.

Hi, my advice would be not to push him into doing it more often than twice a week, like he said. And if he isn't taking care of you, then you need to go buy yourself a little something that you can use when you are having sex, that way you both enjoy it. Lots of women do this and if it works for you, then that's all that matters!

Definitely check the testosterone. I had a similar problem with my ex-husband. He never seemed interested which became one of several issues eventually leading to a split. He found out this year that he has low testosterone which may have been the cause of several of the issues. Encourage him to see the doctor about it.

This may be embarassing to some but I reccommend you get your self some toys girl friend! not only for your self but for you and your husband to play with together. I have been married for 12 years and even after 3 boys in less than 4 years we still have great sex at least 1-2 xs a week. AND it gets better and better as we get more comfortable with ourselves and each other. but We use toys and role play, take baths together, go on dates all that stuff... it keeps it exciting and never gets old. my honest advise is to talk to hiim be open and honest. communication is the key to a great marriage. good luck and I wish you the best!- A. J

A few suggestions -

1. He needs to talk to his doctor. A testosterone patch is a wonderful thing, and even "young" men can have low levels.

2. Talk to him about getting a sex board game or get yourself a vibrator. Show him how you like it done.

S.

The best advice I can give is to tell you that you need to be honest with him. I know this is difficult, especially if you don't want to hurt his feelings, but some times men are really just that oblivious. Tell him flat out and blatantly that he stinks in bed. Tell him you don't enjoy it and that it's a constant disappointment. Chances are he has no clue what is going on, so don't be afraid to teach him what you need. Even if you two are having a great time between the sheets it's nice to find out exactly what your partner loves and it brings you closer together. Tell him you want to experiment and that your bored, but do be careful with his feelings. Some men can get really upset when they find out they're not the Don Juan they thought they were.
Some times all it takes is a little extra foreplay and taking it slow with more teasing. Just try it. What have you got to lose? A bad sex experience?
Hope this helps!

Oh K., keep your chin up! Remember marriage is about compromise and communication. It is very encouraging that you are talking to him and letting him know what your needs are and vice versa. Keep working at it, don't give up. But don't put all the pressure on his shoulders either, what can you do to make it more enjoyable for you- don't settle, but don't make yourself crazy and ruin your relationship.

I agree with one of the girls comments, if he seems to have a low sex drive, it could be testosterone. My friends husband had himself tested and by the test standards he was very low. They got him on testosterone and things changed. Also, keep in mind that bad sex habits can be carried over into a second marriage. He may just need to be reeducated. He knows you are a different person of course, but some habits are hard to break, especially if it involved rejection. Communication is the key to all of this. Toys can help spice up a sex life, but they can't make up for bad habits and hurt spirits.

I really believe in my 30's sex was my mose active prime time where I think men in their 20's. I really feel your frustrion. I guess you did it the right way by not having sex until after marriage. I guess just keep traiining him. My second hubby could go over and over. My first hubby I was never satisfied. The first one is the one I had the kids with. After only a few weeks he wanted to not have sex as much. Life goes on. I was not happy and we divorced. If only we could have had some sort of therapy. But also finances no matter how they ware handled where not enough to pay bills and that was frustrag too. Alone I had the same but at least I hac the onctrol over them. You have to communicate how hurt you are and that you both ned that release. It is when people are unhappy they then evenually will seek someone else. So make sure he is happy. When youget what you want he will also get what he wants but also if you do not you could do down another road. I think the best book a man can read is POINT MAN by Ferra. By being Christians and having that praying before we all face the world with temptations. These men really love the women in their lives. What they do works. Take Care and maybe there is a therapist that can help. I do not know of any but praying can turn a marrage in the right direction. G. W

Hi K.,
I know how frustrated you must be, but there are ways to work it out.
I suggest you get yourself a toy (you know what I mean), and when you have your moments twice a week, when it begins you take out your toy to take care of yourself, since he won't, and when you have finished then you take care of him. I guarantee you he won't allow that to happen more than once....or he might want to incorporate some of that into your moments and it just might go from twice a week up to every night like you want it to be.
It's worth a shot isn't it?

Peace & Blessings,
M.

I know how you feel. I'm kinda on the same side as your husband. I just don't want it as much as he does. Maybe it's bc I work myself too hard & I'm so tired by the end of the day, maybe it's bc I'm not happy with the way I look. Who knows. All I know is that you need to be paitent with your husband. See if he's uncomfortable with it, see if it's not pleasing him bc if it's not that's definately one reason he won't be interested. That's another reason I don't want it too often; it takes alot to, I guess, make it work for me. I have learned that it's a give & take. If only one person it putting in all the effort & not getting anything in return it'll be a problem. Just be sure to talk it out & find a common ground. Good luck!!