Sons Closest Friend at School Moving Away

aw, that's so tough. i remember dealing with this several times myself as a child, and then my boys experiencing it too.

the temptation is to try and fix it, to jolly them out of it, to persuade them not to be sad. it's hard seeing our kids sad.

but in a weird way, trying to cheer 'em up also minimizes their emotions. so do be careful not to do that.

i think the best things to do are to listen to him and not try to say 'but....' with silver linings. if you need to respond at all, validate him. 'it sure sounds as if this is making you really sad. i'm sorry. it's hard to have a friend move away.' and then, if HE seems to want to more, ask him what ways he can think of to stay in touch.

and it's also okay to store up a few treats to help him cope when the sadness sweeps over him. a favorite video with treats, a trip to a park, an extra bedtime story.

you can't and shouldn't sweep away the sorrow. help him learn through undergoing the experience that it does get better with time. there's no way to internalize that through words, only by chugging through it.

khairete
S.

First of all, validate his feelings and let him know it's good to cry. Celebrate this friendship and help him be glad they had these years. And remind him that this great foundation will help them stay friends at a distance.

Kids have FaceTime, and it's also great to encourage real hard-copy letters too. You might let the news settle in a bit, and then help them come up with a plan. Perhaps they can work together to compile a couple of "pen pal kits" with stationery, envelopes, stamps, pens, colored markers and maybe some fun things like stickers or other things they can enclose. You can get a couple of those "if it fits, it ships" boxes from the PO and pre-stamp them. The kids can put in candy or notes or small toys or other collectibles they come up with on their own.

I always suggest books - ask the librarian for suggestions. Aside from current titles, some historical novels about some of the great friendships maintained through letters might be encouraging and inspiring. One thing about letters: the writer gets to keep "talking" without interruption, and the listener (reader) has to (and gets to) take it all in without responding right a way. A good lesson for life.

Truthfully, in time they will probably both move on, but I wouldn't dilute his affection and his sorrow by saying, "Aw, friends are easy to replace." Keep supporting this great friendship,and remind them that it happened precisely because each of them knows how to be a good and loyal friend. They can duplicate that with others without diluting what they have. Hears expand. Just as parents can love each other but also their first child, and their second and third, friends can like and love each other. There's no limit. It's not pie.

I think listening and being there is great. Also might make him aware of FaceTime and other methods of staying in touch. We travel a lot and so my son doesn’t see his friends as regularly as a typical teen. He does play online with them, FaceTime some and texts all the time. He’s older than your son, but it is so much easier to stay close even when distance is an issue.

One thing I would not do is minimize the situation. I wouldn’t say you’ll find another friend or something like that. He’s hurting and it’s hard. I think telling him I understand you’re hurting and I’m sorry she’s moving. I’m sure she’s upset too and wondering how she’ll make friends in her new place. You can be an encourager to her as I’m sure she’s sad to leave. I’m so glad you’ve been such good friends.

I love the Winnie the Pooh quote “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard”.

Kids are pretty resilient. From your post, it seems they have been friends for a year or so. New school year will start and he will hook up with someone else. All you can do is listen. Summer will bring new and exciting things.

We're going through this too, for the second year in a row. Try not to say too much, just offer hugs, let him know it's ok to be hurt and cry, and remind him that you understand how much he'll miss her. Set up specific dates and put them on the calendar for doing something special for the friend. Write/send a card, maybe include a $5 gift card for ice cream, call, send a text, skype, just little things to remind him he can still keep in touch. The hardest part is that the friend who moves away stays busy with a new life, while your child is left with a void. Just be there for him, and make sure to take pictures of them together to print out for her before she moves. Good luck.

This is what makes life life. Unsettling, unhappy things happen. He will deal and learn that he can deal. Let him have his sorrow. It will pass. Just takes a little time and distraction. Teach him to write letters (a lost art) and remind him that a friend is still a friend even if they move away.