Son with Behavior Problems

J., I too understand what you are going through. Shortly after my dad died my son started "acting up." My dad and my son were like two peas in a pod so when he died it rocked my son's world and he was only 3. My husband and I had only been married a year ( and he inherited 3 step siblings) then the move into the new house. Shortly after dad died we almost lost my mom, then I got very sick (potentially fatal illness), then a few years later my 20 yr. old niece was killed in a car accident...so in saying all that my son's world was very unstable for him (I was told that all of this can be a root cause for the ODD.) He worries a lot about losing someone else, especially me, which causes him to suffer from anxiety which only increases his moodiness. He was diagnosed ADHD & ODD a few years ago. We have gone through some horrible rages with him but we haven't had those in quite a while, thank goodness. He too likes to irritate his siblings and he lies a lot and gets angry when we say no...that is part of the ODD. We have to send him to his room when he gets to be "too much" with his siblings and won't listen, that seems to help him calm down (he usually throws things on his way to his room and slams the door a few times but he does calm down.) He's on medications that seem to help a good bit but we do still deal with the defiance...his is worse in the morning when I'm trying to wake him up. I'm looking for behavior modification programs in our area but in the meantime he sees a psychologist & a counselor. I tried holding off on meds for a long time but the defiance & ADHD was getting worse and worse and I decided that I wasn't helping him by not getting him the meds he needed. When he doesn't take his ADHD meds he's unbearable to be around (hyper, loud, & irritable.) So for him we had to go with meds but I keep praying that he won't have to take them for life, that he will learn to control his challenges & use all that energy to accomplish great things in his life. Hang in there you are certainly not alone and it looks like there are a lot of moms on here that will listen whenever you need...that's why I am here too.

My 5 year old step daughter was just diagnoseed with odd and they are still trying to find the underlying issue that caused it since odd is sooooo often accompanied by something else and everything so far is leaning heavily toward bipolar disorder so i understand how you feel. a child who is symptomatic of odd at a young age can have symptoms reaccure when things get stressful and change at home and it sounds like a lot of changes have been happening lately so while your son might have odd or some other disorder int eh long run i would opt for a good outpatient psychiatric program that focuses on behavior modification and get him involved in things to help build his self esteem and give him some control over his life, and while medication migh be a last resort, i know it was for us, sometimes it is the best way to stop the outburts and aggressive behavior and allow them to see what life would be like if they didn't act that way, it has been wonderful for us, she is still teh same sweet happy excited little girl she always was on a good day but now when we say calm down and tell me what's wrong or calm down and we'll do this or wahtever she is in control enough to stop and listen, we hope to be able to have her off medication in the next 5 months, she's only been on it for a month right now so it isn't osmething that is a long term commitment and it is giving us all a chance to see what life is like without the ODD. so good luck and i hope it all works out for you there is nothing worse than trying to raise a bothered childm it is very stressful, and i know you've already heard this but a journal is a wonderful thing and if you include what food is eaten all day and how you handl;e different things involving your son it can help the doctors rule out possible food allergies and help them teach you the best possible way to help your son.

Hello J.. It sounds like you are going through alot right now and your little one is too. With blaming his brother, he might be feeling left out or looking for attention. Same thing with the lieing, but I do think all children go through that stage and need to learn it is not okay. With blurting things out, he might feel left out in class or so proud of himself for knowing the answer he just can't hold it in. As for medicine for ADHD there are alot of things to try prior to meds. Keep a food journal and see if diff foods (not only sugar, natural or artificial, but possible Red Dye) make a diff. A friend of mine used Fish Oil from a health food store to replace ritalin and it worked for her child, but they are all diff. I babysat for a 1st grader once who had ODD and it was very trying. The most effective thing I did with him was his punishment for misbehaivor (he had a mouth on him); he had to stand against the wall with his arms in the air. Regular time outs didn't phase him, but the arms in the air got tiring and worked for him. Hang in there, it sounds like you are trying all that you can. Best Wishes!

It sounds like food allergies more than ADHD, honestly.

My oldest daughter was hyper until we put her on the Feingold program.

Another friend with a boy similar in age and behavior to your is having some amazing results with her son on the program as well. His teachers were all insisting on ritalin and other medications, but after a week, he's like a totally different boy.

http://www.feingold.org/pg-overview.html

Hi J.. I understand your frustrations. As previously stated, the most important thing you can do is listen to and observe your son; He may not be able to express exactly what he's feeling and thinking but observation is a great way to step towards figuring this out. I would suggest keeping a journal for a couple of weeks on his behavior, activity, moods, etc. Also, I would call and make another appointment for a developmental test and also talk with the school on options they offer. I'm not sure how great Children's developmental clinic is in Columbus, but the one in Cinci is in the top 10 for the nation. My daughter goes there and the doc's are WONDERFUL. I too was first met with a doctor that suggested med's right away, at Dayton Childrens. When I went for a second opinion at Cincinnati Children's it was like night and day. Don't leave the appointment until you're fully satisfied with the explanations the doctors give you and if needed, go for another opinion. The school can do a lot to help as well. I'd talk with your son's teacher, both from this year and last, and see what the school offers as far as evaluations. They should have a psychological evaluation and IQ evaluation at the minimum and should offer other benefits to you as well. It can be an exhausting experience but very beneficial to your son and to your family. The journal I suggested earlier, would be used at the developmental appointment, it helps the doctors get a better understanding of your son's daily behavior and really helps with a diagnosis. Keep your chin up. I hope you can find some support and help through the doctors and the schools. No matter what, don't give in! Keep going until you're satisfied with the outcome.

J.,
I feel for you. You sounded like you were frusteratd (to say the least) in your e-mail.
My advice to you is to listen to your son. If he is doing what you said he is doing, getting angry, lying, and acting out...then I would say in his own way, he is trying to tell you something. 8 years old are very much like pre-teens, they feel so much emotion inside and don't know what to do with it. Maybe he is hurting from your grandmothers loss, moving, having a new brother, or something in school. As hard as it is, take time specifically for him. If you've done the intervention specialist visit and she ruled our a medical issue (which I don't know why she would offer him medicine if she couldn't find anything wrong) then you have to believe it is something that is, perhaps, weighing on his mind. I know it may sound trivial because people are usually so open to putting their child on a form of medicine, but spending one on one time with him would probably help wonders. If he thinks that you took him to a dr. or specialist to find out "what is wrong" with him, maybe that makes him feel badly. After all, he is 8, he would understand you taking him somewhere to get "fixed." That may make him act out even more. I would take a alotted amount of time everyday just for him to spend with. I'm not saying you don't do that already, but I think he is crying out for more (positive) attention. He is already getting attention by talking out in class, but I would consider that negative.
The problem won't go away over night. You know as well as I do that raising kids is a forever job. Best of luck to you. At least you are taking action and that is the first step. Help him now before he gets in middle school when it is really hard.

Wow! This is almost identical to my situtation. The only difference is I didn't have a baby. I have also taken my daughter to a specialist and he said the exact same thing. I have thought about taking her to a psychologist, but I worry that she will just tell them what they want to hear. She is known to do that. I am interested to know if you hear any comments that are useful on this matter.