Hi....I am so sorry for your troubles...i am currently in the same situation as you are, but the only difference is that I am a Step Mother of a 16 yr old son. Raised him for 11 years now. But am going through exactly what you described. THe medicines, the bio parent thing...the behavior...We have finally sought out counseling from a licensed counselor in our area. My son is doing somewhat better....Learning to control his anger and his faults...Of course that is going to take a lot of time. You have to learn as well patience, yes I know a very hard thing to do. You have to learn to turn the fault up on them..if it gets to heated between you, then you say time out I am not gonna talk to when you are like this and put the blame on them. You have to learn as a Mother that it is not your Fault....it is there, they choose their behavior, you don't..Yes this is easy to type now. I have had to learn to deal with these things myself....NOT EASY. Since I am the type to just blow off the handle. Say things I shouldn't, will argue till the end. So you have to teach yourself and your child. ANd I will tell you, it is not easy.....No way no how..The hardest job I have ever done in my life.But the key to it all is, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT....And all the ADHD diagnoses..A bunch of hog wash...I don't believe it for anything....Just another name and label on a child. I believe it all has to do with the other parent leaving and not having anything to do with them...It is called Trauma. Some kids it affects them and some it don't. I am a Step Mom of 3 oldest is 18 and he is in the Air Force now..the 16 yr old son and 14 yr old daughter and then we have a 10 yr old daughter. So if any of this has helped you, or if I can help you anymore please let me know......Thanks Another Mom Who cares