Son W/o Many Friends

Hi Jamie
I know us Mamas want the BEST for our children.
I think, it seems to be bothering you more than it is him.
I suppose it is your job to be the best parent and support him but let him make his friends naturally and at his own pace.
We all have our unique personalities and this is to be celebrated. I think he shows a strong character by not going with the gang mentality and can be comfortable to be his own person. This leads to a far more independant adult.
Maybe he will make a few friends that are good kids and will be true friends to him for the long run.
All the best
B. k

As I child, I preferred having only 1 or 2 close friends, and I'm still like that at almost 40. I'm very happy this way! It sounds like your son might have a similar personality. My mom would try to make me take ballet and girl scouts, etc, but I only wanted to read or play with my stuffed animals or legos. As long as he's happy, I wouldn't worry.

Youou know it isn't quantity of friends that matter but quality. Would you want him to be friends with everyone even if half his friends stole from you and him and cursed? No. If he has 3 friends and they have manners and behave well what does it matter. He M. just be showing that he can tell a good egg from a bad one.

Hi Jamie,
I could have written this about my 6 y/o!! I have even called the teacher and talked to the school counselor b/c I was so worried about him. They both keep an eye on him (he was bullied for a while, so he is under their radar now) and they both check in with me every couple of weeks. They have assured me he is fine and that none of the boys in his class have really bonded to any other boy in particular. The counselor told me it was totally normal at this age for boys. Hope that helps!
I know how hard it is and how much you want him to have those "friends" and he will! hang in there :)

Well, my son was always the "quiet, observing type" of kid. He is now 8 and he knows EVERYONE! He has about 2-3 "good" buddies but he is popular because he is kind, funny, sensitive and has lots of empathy.
Your son is fine. He'll find his "friend niche" -- someone just like him and I'll bet he'll have a friend for life.
I would say if he expresses interest in getting together with a particular kid, by all means, arrange something for them to do!
I'm sure it bothers you more than him right now.
Boys ARE different than girls in that they're not as cliquish and clannish. But they're also not as mean!
Does your library have a Lego Club night? Any other things he might enjoy there?

Does your son feel like he's missing something by not having more friends? If your son is fine with the way things are, then you may just have to accept that your son isn't going to be, doesn't WANT to be, Mr. Popular. There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating lunch alone, drawing or playing with Legos.

My mom spent most of my K-12 life pushing me to be more social, to make more friends, to be more involved, when, at heart, I'm a shy person who prefers my own company or that of a very few trusted friends. It took me a lot of years to realize I was not the one with a problem. The problem was my MOTHER'S for not accepting me and my personality which was very different from hers (and my sister's).

You can't force friendships. In my opinion, and I'm likely in the minority here, by pushing the issue, you non-verbally tell your son something is wrong with him because he DOESN'T have more friends. I think your son sounds just fine. There's really nothing better than being your own best friend. When he wants to find a friend, you'll be there to help, if he needs it.

Good luck.

Some kids are loners. He does have a friend so as long as he isn't sad about it try not to worry about it too much. Your daughter might just be more social. My oldest is 8 and last year he got his first friend that was actually his friend. He played with a couple kids outside of school in kindergarden and first grade but only a few times each year. His bff is at my house or my son is at his or they are always trying to get together! He also says everyone he associates with is his friend. Kids just do that. Now my 5yo has one little buddy and they have gotten together a couple times but it's hard when they are that little. Are you sure he sits alone at lunch? I know all schools are different but at my kids elementry school the kids eat with their classmates. He will find a buddy that he clicks with.

Sounds like he hasn't found the right friend yet. Maybe you could try to set up some play dates with different kids and have them at your house. Hopefully your son will pick up a friendship with one and will make a best friend. Sounds like he just needs a little help.

Oh my heart goes out to you. I remember when we moved to our town. My daughter was 8 and all the kids here had known each other since pre-school! And had already made their friendships...And little girls can be so mean and catty. When she went into Jr. High she was looking forward to a new start with new friendships. It broke my heart when she came home from the first day of school and wanted a best friend so badly. We prayed about it and the next day she came home saying not only had she made one good friend she had made three! Later that year she met her best friend who remains close to her today as adults!
Sooo I sooo understand your heart! In seventh grade she saw a boy who was eating alone the first week of school and unbeknownst to that lonely little boy.... she asked one of her guy friends to invite that kid to eat lunch with his group and they became buddys and that boy never ate alone again. So sometimes the lessons your kids learn are far greater than the pain they endure for the moment.
What about church? Do you attend a local one near by? There are KIDS groups & events usually offered weekly at many. Perhaps some of the kids who go to that, might go to his school and create a bond. It sounds like you are a caring mom but it kind of sounds like you are waiting for someone to invite your son on a playdate. How about you initiating some?? Maybe you could seek out an art class for him and :"friend" another mom and plan to meet at a Chuckee Cheese or have lunch at a McDonalds with a play area. Even kids who are strangers seem capable of bonding in a play area with a few tokens!

My son didn't have that really good friend until his freshman year. He is now 22, and he and his friend have kept in contact, through different bootcamps and duty stations, being stationed literally across the world from each other since junior year.
I had all sorts of play dates for him and all sorts of kids over when he was little. He played but never made that connection until "my other son" came into our lives. My son was just that kind of kid, not very social. His friend on the other hand was the homecoming king.
Then there's my little guy who is best friends with everyone he meets. He is very social and we have someone over every weekend.
I think it really depends on the child.
Have different kids over to play. One day he will find that buddy.

Just go by him.
He is him.

Kids this age, do not have BFF's. It fluctuates. It changes everyday who they play with or not. Who they like or not.
Its fine.

When they get older, they get more 'regular' friends. If they have the same kids in classes/homerooms each year.

Go by your son's personality and level of happiness.
He seems fine to me.

Not all kids are big extroverts or friends with everyone.
My Daughter is like that.
She CHOOSES her friends. And is also fine playing by herself. Nothing wrong with that... BECAUSE, my daughter really really knows herself well. And she goes according to herself. Not just a follower nor doing things just because other kids are doing it.
She is 'wise' that way. For a young child. I am proud of her. She is very self-assured.

If your son has 1 friend or 2, sure you can have play-dates at your house.

all the best,
Susan