Son Upset

He will adjust. I would not talk incessantly about new baby. So e times the less focus on the new baby is better. New baby is born and just incorporate him into the family.

Of course he is upset..... things are going to change, and he doesn't know how to react to it....

Just be patient, love him, and don't stress about it. He will get used to the idea.

It's time to ease up on talking about the pregnancy and the coming baby. He's not excited about it because he knows that things will change, but is anxious about how and isn't looking forward to the changes. He DOES need reassurances that he'll still be loved and needed and important, and that his place in the family is secure. He needs to know that he won't be displaced by the baby.

Let him come to you with questions, and give him the opportunities to be part of making the house ready to welcome the baby. Make sure he sees that there will be space made for the baby that isn't your son's space. Make sure he knows that his toys won't be the baby's toys.

Try to be careful about how much you are talking about the new baby when it is possible he will overhear you. And also be aware of WHAT you say when you do talk about the baby, whether it is to him directly or when you "think" he isn't listening or able to hear you. For one, you might be wrong about whether or not he is listening; and two, it gets easier if you practice using the same language and avoiding the same language all the time, rather than switching back and forth.

You really don't want to focus with your son too much on how much is going to change in the house or for you and Dad. You will want to spend your time talking more about how exciting it will be to see your son get to be a big brother, and all the cool stuff he is going to get to teach his baby sibling. Don't dwell on the baby getting/using son's old things (clothes/toys/packnplay/crib, etc). Ask him to help you choose new things for the baby (when it is feasible).

And really do try to not talk about it all the time. As Flaming Turnip pointed out, he is not even 3 yet, another 8 months is going to seem like FOR-EVER to him. Just tell him it is a long way away yet, no reason to start worrying about it yet. Just tell him you'll let him know in plenty of time.

Be careful how you act around him, too. I was very ill with nausea with both my pregnancies. So when my 2 year old son wanted to climb on my stomach to watch movies (since I couldn't exactly do much but lay on the sofa) I had to find a way around that. Do not EVER say "you can't ___ because it might hurt the baby," or "we can't ____ because of the baby," or anything negative "because of the baby." Go ahead and figure out alternative ways to achieve the result you want without using those kinds of phrases. All they will do is subconsciously teach your son to blame every disappointment on the baby. You reaalllly do not want that.

"Mommy doesn't feel like sitting in the floor right now." Works just as well (even better actually) than "The baby makes me feel yucky so I can't play blocks right now." See the difference?

"Mommy doesn't feel up to playing trains, but you go ahead and set up the track. Maybe I'll feel like it in a few minutes." You might surprise yourself just how fast 5 minutes (of misery) sitting in the middle of the floor with your kiddo goes by. And for him, he has no idea how little or long. Just that you spent focused time with him. And know this: The minute you finally do get settled down onto the floor in all your glorious excess size, with no back support, the telephone will ring. So be prepared. ;)

I always referred to our second child as "our baby". My son called his new baby sister "his baby" because I always talked to him about how we were all getting a new baby. But the child was "his baby sister" and included him in every decision...so you think "your baby sister" would like the purple one or the pink one?

He wasn't losing the nursery/crib. I played up on how he was getting a big boy room, he got all the new things, bed, bedding, stuff for his new big boy room.

But mostly I made it about ownership...she was "his"...and when she arrived, he was very protective towards her and helpful because she belonged to all of us.

I think the best response would be to say, in a tone of gladness and relief, "I'm SO glad you told me!" He's telling you about his feelings, which is really important. It's a skill many men never master. So he should get positive reinforcement, just for that.

And then, follow up with, "A lot of kids feel that way, but being a big brother is really special and important. In fact, it's so special that we should celebrate." And then do one thing -- a bowl of ice cream, a small toy, to make it officially wonderful that he's going to be a big brother.

After that, you have 6 or 7 months to build this up as a good thing. But try to make it about your son's role, not just about the baby. So when he does some random thing like run or jump, be sure to say "That's so cool you can do that. The baby won't know how to do that. He/she is going to look at you and say 'Wow, I wish I was just l like my big brother.' You're going to be a *leader.*"

Just remember that your son is at an egocentric developmental stage. It's all about him, as far as he's concerned. That's fine and normal and appropriate. You just need to make the new baby be about him in a positive way.

I was worried about my son (then 1) when I had my second, he did not like other babies any where near me, but when he saw his brother for the first time he said "my baby" and kissed him. Try not to worry too much, sometimes they just need time to process. I also really pushed the "big brother" angle, made him a special big brother shirt and talk about how it was his job to teach his little brother how to do things and play nice.

Why does your son know well you are pregnant. You only found a week ago. Have you done nothing but talk about the new baby because that would bother any child.

We never told a two year old until a month before because a month to a two year old is about ten years to an adult. No point in making them wait what feels like forever.

I think there are a lot of good points here. Mira has some great ones especially.

You can also stop talking about it for a little while. If you have another 5+ months to go, that's an eternity in a 3 year old's life.

Do tell him you are glad he expressed his feelings and remind him he can always talk to you and Daddy. What he says now and what he does/feels when the time comes are totally different things. Kids often say they don't want any changes but that doesn't mean they can't handle it and it's not necessarily really connected with not wanting a baby sibling! He's just saying he likes things the way they are and he's nervous about changes in any area. Kids also say they don't want to go on vacation or to Disney World or the beach. So try not to take this personally. He really can't imagine what it's going to be like when a baby is really there.

You can consider having him help you pick out some baby things, but some kids don't like that ("How come I don't get anything?") also be sure you have a big brother gift set aside so he feels special. Some kids do okay with the science part of it - going to an appointment and hearing their own heartbeat and then the baby's heartbeat, looking at an ultrasound, etc. Only you know whether that would freak him out or involve him more. Some hospitals offer family tours so the older siblings know what it will look like when they visit, where Mommy will be when she leaves for 2 days, and so on.

I think just an occasional reference to it at this point is a great thing but daily references are just too much. While you are feeling well, just continue with your daily lives and don't make everything too baby-centered.

Make him part of the process letting him make some of the decisions concerning his new sibling. Have him help prepare where the baby will sleep and his/her clothes and toys. Then make a huge production out of making preparations for your son being the big brother. Make sure his room is updated a bit (maybe getting a book shelf because all big boys need that).

Point out happy siblings you two see together and tell him how much that little boy loves his little brother or sister. See how they play together? It's so nice to have a play buddy! Then say something like, of course, at first baby is very little and can only eat and sleep and cry, but when he gets bigger, you can play together.

Leave it alone other than that. Don't talk about it or try to convince him too much.

Buy a gift for him, a toy (not a keepsake - kids don't care about keepsakes) that you know he wants. Wrap it up and keep it hidden. If he comes to the hospital to see you after the baby is born, have it there and tell him that his new sibling loves him so much and is so excited to be his brother/sister, that he/she got him a special gift. Let him open it and tell him how wonderful the new baby was to give him this gift.

After you get home and his sees the baby being fed, diapered, etc, pull out his own baby pictures with you and show them to him. Make sure you tell him that this was HIM when he was really little. See how you loved him and took care of him? And all he could do was cry and sleep and drink milk? Now he's a big boy and can do fun things like run and eat ice cream. Remind him that he's a big boy and his baby will think that he hung the moon.

Do all of this so that you can possibly mitigate jealousy. It will help.

I'd ease off the baby talk around him, you don't look pregnant yet if you are only 8 wks (or around that) and he's not going to really understand it anyways. Give him a break and let life go back to normal for him. When it's closer to time for new baby to arrive, then bring it up again. Congrats on your new little one!