Son's Behavior - Binghamton,NY

Consider having a meeting with the school counselor and the teacher. Many times the counselor can work with a child on a behavior and assist the teacher in implementing tools in the classroom. If this is lately, what has changed?

I don't want to minimize this, but I will say everyone I know with boys, including myself, got calls at this stage from their teachers.

In grade 1, I freaked out because I would get these calls about my typically docile, soft spoken sweetheart kid (who would never harm a fly). He was being disruptive, wouldn't sit still, had pushed another child ...

I thought they had the wrong kid. Then I was at birthday party and one mom asked if we'd ever had a call from the teacher.. turns out the teacher had called all the boys' parents at one point or another about 'bad' behavior.

I think kids these days don't get outside enough during school and are expected to sit a long time, and it's so common for boys to get rambunctious, chatty, distracted .. that's why so many of them (mine included) come home and just unload ... and let it all out.

So I don't mean to minimize this, but if he doesn't have a history of this and it's just recent - provided he has a nutritious snack and lunch (low on sugar) and is getting plenty of sleep ... just keep an eye on it. Six years olds are still so little and we expect so much of them.

If it does continue or and you have concerns, I agree - maybe a counsellor at the school would be helpful to get a second opinion. Then if they feel (and you agree) that an evaluation would be helpful, you go that route.

I have a chatty child too - chatty in grade 1 and 2 and then he seemed to have had his fill :)

Good luck :)

Just another thought. Especially in the cold weather, schools can be very dry places and some children get dehydrated. Many do not drink their school milk because they are in a rush to get out to the playground. This has caused many a child to have trouble paying attention and to get headaches. So try to get him to have a good drink in the morning and ask the teacher if he can have a couple of breaks during the day to have a drink of water. Best of luck!

Hmmm. Well the first things would be is sleeping and/or eating enough? I think that all things are exacerbated when those things aren't happening. Also, a headache can happen when hungry or tired too.

Does his teacher say if there's a particular time of day when these things are happening? Maybe that has something to do with it?

What happens at home when he's told no or doesn't get what he wants? I'm surprised that he has tantrums at school and not at home when things don't go his way.

he sounds tired and overwhelmed. poor little guy.
what does the teacher suggest? how does she handle it?
the overarching theme is to work together with her, and while she's the one who has to have immediate responses on hand, you back her up and reinforce it at home.
the devil's in the details, though. i mean, he COULD have some sort of processing issue that will require special handling. it could just be that he does this toward the end of the day when he's running out of his stores of obedience and compliance. it takes a while for some kids to develop the stamina to make it through long, sedentary school days, day after day after day. it's tough! so do make sure he's getting enough sleep, enough protein, and enough running around outside of school to counteract the effects of having to sit for as long as he does.
so brainstorm with the teacher first, the pediatrician next if necessary, and be supportive and encouraging at home. good luck!
khairete
S.

Misophonia is a diagnosed disorder. Look into it. I believe it is a disorder that was discovered about 20 years ago. I have a friend who is a behavior therapist and he helps many adults and children with it. I was listening to the radio yesterday and it came up in the segment's discussion. I think a lot of people struggle with it to an extent....but some need help to deal with it without raging. I have not heard that it is treated with meds..it is more about transferring the focus to something else with behavior methods. Couldn't hurt to look into it. Sensory processing issues are a real thing!

I think many very active girls and especially boys excel in school when they get some martial arts training. It helps so much with impulse control and focusing.

Our oldest was having some difficulty staying focused years ago in kindergarten and we quickly put him in Tae kwon do. Oh my...it helped tremendously!! We stayed for about a year then phased out and got him into music classes. Music is a godsend for this child and he is quite gifted...a real natural. He is now a Freshman in High School. His teachers adore him and he is doing just fine. That first little bit in Kindergarten was his only struggle.

I hope you find the help you need. Let the teacher know you are a very concerned parent and will be helping your son at home.

Oh..oh...Something else we did was made a behavior chart. I asked the teacher each day how our son did. If she gave me the thumbs up then he got to put a sticker on the chart. Once he collected a specific amount of stickers then we did something fun together. Not a toy...an outing together having fun...TOGETHER. We sometime underestimate the simple power of parent /child fun time.

Definitely make sure he's eating well and getting enough sleep. That is important for anyone, but it can make a huge difference in a young child. My husband and I always joke about our 6 year old. When he starts getting upset easily or has a meltdown we say we need to "feed the monster." It usually works!

That being said, this is the same son who has Social Pragmatic Communicative Disorder (it's a lot like Aspberger's) and ADHD. So, it might be a good idea to talk to your pediatrician.

Our son gets overstimulated, so his teacher gives him "breaks" in the day. He is fortunate to have an aid who takes him to another room twice a day for about 5 minutes. While he's there he does whatever deskwork the other kids are doing, but the quiet isolated environment is just what he needs.

If you can, set up a time to talk to your son's teacher. Try and brainstorm some things you've both noticed and some ideas that might help him.

I understand asking him why he does things, but at 6 years old that might be too vague a concept for him. Work with his teacher. That's a really important place to begin.

S., I'm late seeing your post. I urge you to ask your ped to send your son for a sensory integration disorder evaluation with an OT who specializes in this. This really does sound like SI with the class getting so noisy that he gets a headache. The OT can work with him to help this.

The older he gets, the harder it is to help the nervous system overcome these problems. You need to get in OT NOW.

The OT will help his behavior. I promise.

Actually, never had this call for my son. But have had it for my daughter. She is now a sophpmore in HS. She had to take a test just after Christmas and others in the class that were done would not stop even though the teacher asked them to be quiet. My daughter told me she lost it and yelled at them to shut the heck up because she needed to finish her test.
There is a hearing issue if you can call it that's called sensory overload. I was told I have it when I asked to get my hearing checked years ago. I believe my daughter has the same issue. When there are sounds all around you, you hear all of them. This can cause a headache. For example, when I am cooking dinner and maybe using the blender, and my daughter has her guitar or music playing and others have the TV on, I hear all of it as though it is right next to me. It is almost as though my hearing is too good. I have trouble blocking out other sounds unless I concentrate on doing so. And I have noticed a little bit of an increase if I do not drink enough so there could be a tie in. I would let the teacher know what your son has told you and see if you can work together on a solution to help.

my son is over school by this point in the year.. it is boring.. he has sat in the chair too long listened too much and wants to be done...

unfortunely the school year is not done.. so the learning must continue..

normal boy..see if he can get more exercise after school..

I almost wrote this same question for my 5 year old son. At home he is a total sweetheart. we have rules and routines and he follows them no problem. At school, apparently, he's 'Mr. Funny Guy' talking to his friends over his teacher, being goofy, watching others instead of doing his work. When he's finally asked to take a time out or if others are bothering him he throws a fit. This doesn't totally surprise me because I know he's super social and also stubborn, but I'm at a loss as how to help from home because it's just a different environment and I don't see those problems at home. I spent a lot of time wondering if it was a problem with the school, with the teacher, with my parenting, with my son. I've finally decided that no, everything is great it's just that he has this big personality and it will take time for him to learn to control it appropriately for the school setting. He's young and the demands of school are particularly hard for him (academically he's great, it's just the being quiet, following directions). The one thing I'm doing in hopes to support the teacher is we're communicating daily and I'm reinforcing at home. The one thing he loves is to watch his nightly tv show. If he did something g particularly bad at school (like say 'no' to his teacher) he gets a 1 and cannot watch a show. We talk about what happened, what he should have done instead. If he gets a 3 there's big hugs and he picks the show and we also talk about how it felt to be a good listener. Ant say it's dramatically changed his behavior, but it has made him think about it a little more and just care to change it.
Also- another thing I decided recently is that, honestly, I don't care that much. I definitely want him to be respectful, so that's where I draw the line, but do i really care if that math page gets finished? No, I really don't. What I really care about is that he likes school. And if he's always in trouble, and I'm always nagging on him, and he's never allowed to talk, he's going to hate it. That's no way to start your school career. So I'm letting go. Or at least lowering my expectations I guess.
Lastly, not sure what grade your son is in, but I know both K and 1 change dramatically though the course of the year. In the beginning it's fun and games Anne lots of breaks, near the end it's long stretches of focused work and listening. Some kids mature at this pace and others fall behind mid year because developmentally they're not ready for that increased demand. It wouldn't surprise if that's the case with your son.

What have you done so far as discipline when you warn him to behave at school but then you hear from his teacher that he doesn't? If you have disciplined him for this and it makes no difference I would suggest something different than if he hasn't been disciplined.

My daughter had a boundary pushing stage around that age in school. I told her I would be checking with the teacher on her behavior, If I heard it was bad then ______would happen at home EVERY TIME she was bad in school. If it was good for a whole week then we'd go get frozen yogurt.

Problem solved. That was 3 years ago. But she's an easy kid who was just pushing boundaries.

Do you think the headaches are real and there's more to this than plain old discipline? Boys are challenging. I had to be tougher (threats only thankfully and then he reins it in) on my son who's now 7, but his behavior is naturally more difficult than hers. He needed more discipline in early years than she did to behave as well.

You could up the penalty for hearing he's talking non-stop and tantrumming in school and if it has no effect, check with doctor about other causes.

Classroom learning is ideally designed for girls. Many boys learn best while in motion. Sitting still in a room of 18-20 kids can be overwhelming. Ask to have him tested right away. It's probably too late for intervention in this school year but if you get going now you can have special learning plans set up for him for next year. kindergarten and 1st grade were big years for my son too - and we got him set up for learning intervention by the beginning of 2nd grade. He's now finishing up 10th grade and is doing fabulously -that wouldn't have happened if I had let it go in 1st grade. Get the book "A Mind at at Time" by Mel Levine - it will help you understand how your son's mind works.

Finally request the testing for your son, in writing right away. The school has legal requirements to respond to a written request within a defined timeframe (it's been so long I've forgotten) - send the request to his teacher and cc the principal. Be kind and sweet and don't put anyone on the defensive. Testing and special eduation accomodations are moret costly so school have incentives to not test and not provide accomodationgs - but if your child needs it - it will make all the difference in the world. A life saver.

It seems to me that if he really does have headaches, he is quite possibly causing them himself with tantrums and non-stop talking. Personally, I believe in practice. I used to make my daughter and now my GD practice siting quietly. They would have to sit on the couch in a room full of people (just like a classroom) but could not talk without raising their hand, just like in school. It may sound stupid, but practice makes perfect and that way I was 100% confident that they KNEW what was expected and how to do it.

As for the tantrums, any day he has a tantrum, he comes home, spends the balance of the day in his room and goes to bed right after dinner and bath. If he's going to act like baby, he will be treated like a baby which means 7:00 p.m. bedtime.

I'd ask the teacher. They are professionals and have training in how to manage a classroom. They should have a lot of resources she can pull from and she can even have the school psychologist come in an observe him. They can make recommendations as to what they can do and what you might be able to get through your insurance.

The school and teacher are responsible for managing his actions at school. They should let you know there's a problem but not in any way expect you to manage this from home. They need to get on top of this and manage the classroom and find resources to help your son.