Son Putting Me Down

I totally agree. He has some growing up to do. Once he sees how things really are--and realizes that the put downs he heard are not reality--he will change his tune. As to his complaints that you are annoying, I don't know why he thinks this but look at how you interact with him. Are you trying to be his caretaker or just someone supporting his decisions? I only say this because my brother once complained that my mom was all over him. He still lives at home, though renting second floor rooms. Cooking is downstairs and he complained that whenever he came down with dishes or to cook something my mom wanted to know what she could do. What did he want? Etc. Still being mommy. It has changed over time and she lets him ask now instead of jumping to help him.

Well, as my dad says 'The older I got, the smarter my mother became.'

Okay, that was glib. I'm a SAHM for mostly the same reasons--besides the fact that I love it, my husband works long hours too, sometimes on the weekends, and can't take days off just b/c kiddo is sick. Where does that leave me if I'm working? I sub at a preschool sometimes, otherwise, taking care of kid, cat and household.

It's easy for young people who haven't had to juggle child care demands to make assumptions. It's also easy for those who haven't had to budget food, mortgage, health insurance, clothing, etc. to make a lot of assumptions. I'm assuming his quarters, uniforms, 3 squares a day are all taken care of. He has health care in the military and doesn't have to pay for it himself. Lots will change if and when he marries and has kids of his own. Reality will do what it does-- change perspectives.

I'm guessing this is a young adult. They have lots of opinions and very litte data and no filter, sometimes. They are figuring out life and are annoyed at the very nature of it. It's more difficult than they ever thought. Suddenly they are blaming others for their life not being easier. If it weren't this issue, it would be another, trust me.

While he can speak his mind, you don't have to listen to it. You don't have to justify your decisions to him.
You can just say, that's your opinion.
Or, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Or, I'm finished talking about this with you. don't let the screen door hit you in the hind end on the way out!

Find the book, Boundaries, at your library.

If he is asking you not to call or contact him so much, then take him at his word. Cut it by half. It's time for you to back off.

He will be back. It's just the age. It's not fair. It's not easy. But they have to go through this just like toddlerhood or adolescence.

How old is he? His age might make a difference in the responses.

But if my son ridiculed me for being a stay at home mom, I would tell him extremely sternly to mind his own damn business, he is not my parent, and that it was none of his business how I and his father decided to manage our lives.

It might stem from his father, but in that case there is nothing more (other than mind your own damn business), that you can say to him, you will just have to wait until he matures and appreciates your sacrifice.

Sons should not be allowed to put down their mothers.

He will grow up and figure out that life is not perfect and that being a parent is hard. Right now he is young and thinks he knows everything, give him time to mature and for life to teach him a few lessons. Just be there for him in the way he needs even if he can not be there for you, he is your son still after all.

I do think that women find themselves in predicaments when a spouse leaves them suddenly or passes away. Money is tied up and often the woman finds she is unable to support herself due to not having worked her whole adult life.

I have a friend who's husband passed away several years ago. They lived out in the country and had 4 kids. She lost her home and everything they owned because she didn't have any skills to fall back on.

She ended up going to college and finished in 3 years. She lived with her mom in a 3 bedroom house with mom, her, and 4 school age kids. It was chaotic and stressful. She graduated as soon as she could and then had to substitute for 2 years before she got on full time as a teacher.

She's been working for a couple of years now and is finally out on her own in a modest 3 bedroom home. She misses the large home with land she had and her "life of leisure" as a stay at home mom.

I think once the kids are older and in school that all women should not be dependent on their husband for even spending money.

Your son may feel the same way. It's his opinion of course and he can have it just as you can have your opinion about why you like staying at home taking care of the house.

Ask him why he thinks you should go out and find a job. Perhaps even taking a job that someone who is trying to find work to support their family. You might also just cut him some slack too if he's in an area where they are at war because he might not come home and you'll have those last words you said to him for the rest of your life.

Letting him have his say and perhaps validating him in some way might help you both to come to terms with his anger at you.

I could be wrong...but do you think he was really wanting you to come get him and make him go back home because you loved him?? And when you just let him go to his dad's he did feel like you threw him out/abandoned him??

Because children sometimes want you to "prove" that you really do love them. And when you didn't put up a fight to keep him it broke his heart?

I think there is way more here than we can answer...but just a thought have you apologized to him for "throwing" him out? Just because in your mind you didn't doesn't mean in his mind you didn't.

So much baggage to what seems a simple question. You think u treated your son well, but u couldn't give him an intact family. Instead u gave him a step dad and a step brother who were more important to u than he was. He is broken young stupid and lashing out. This isn't about u staying home w your younger child/ren. This is about your older son hurting. I don't think u can be any comfort to him now. Just be there when he decides he is ready and if u really have always treated him well maybe one day he will realize that.

First of all, I would not have justified myself to my child. As long as you're not asking him for money, then It's really none of his business why you do or don't do what you do. You need to remind him that no matter how old he is, you are still his mother and he is still the "child."

You are probably correct in that this is/was coming from his father while he was paying child support. Perhaps you could "school" your son by letting him know that even if you were a billionaire, his father would have been ordered to pay child support. It's a parent's responsibility to at least contribute to the expenses of the children, notwithstanding how much money the other parent may have.

Tell your son that when he's grown and really understands how the world works, that you and he MAY have a discussion like this, but he is not mentally or emotionally equipped for such a conversation at this time. Then, let him do what he wants in terms of visiting or not but be sure to let him know that if you find out he's bad mouthing you to his little brother, he won't be seeing him unsupervised.

Let me guess, he is about 19 or 20 years old. My guess is this is his awkward way of declaring some independence from you. He probably wants to see like he has his own opinions now. But that doesn't mean it is okay for him to be so disrespectful. Just tell him his statements do not reflect well upon his new entrance into adulthood. In terms of him saying you are annoying, it is his again awkward way of saying he wants to be more independent from you and doesn't want to feel like you are hovering over his life. You think it is showing love, but he needs more gistance and independence right now.