Son Plays with Ears- Problem or Habit?

My first thought is that if he's not disrupting the class--why does she care?

Seriously, I think teachers need to get over themselves sometimes.
Tell her it's a habit you're certain he'll outgrow.
Geez.

Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone.

I assume you mean the outer part of his ears only. I assume you've checked for any sign of irritation as the result or something like dermatitis or eczema as the cause. I assume he is not doing anything inside the ear canal that could indicate a problem with wax, infection or other problem. So his touching is only for self-soothing. Honestly, I don't see the problem. I taught for 6 years, and I had many students who had little habits or some calming exercises they engaged in, and if it kept them focused, it was beneficial. If your son is using both hands at once to touch/stroke both ears, then he’s not going to be able to do any of his work or even turn pages, but you don’t say that’s a problem.

I’m not sure why the teacher gave him another object to hold – she’s just substituting touching for touching. If a child were touching herself or himself inappropriately, that would be something else again. I had a female student (age 10) who used to stroke her breasts, and obviously the staff had to have some conversations with her about that. So I’m curious about why the teacher is so bothered by this.

Christy Lee raises the point that he may ultimately be branded as an odd duck, and others will make fun of him. That’s a very valid point. We certainly don’t want to indulge bullying, but it’s a miserable fact of life in schools. But if the other kids are currently oblivious, and if it’s not a problem now, though, you might wait to see if he outgrows it. I think it’s very interesting that your mother had the same habit.

I guess I would discuss it with the pediatrician next time you’re in, and I’d discuss with the teacher more to find out why she finds it such a problem. Are other kids noticing and commenting negatively about it? Is he obsessive about it? Is he unable or unwilling to complete his work because of it? Then perhaps some work with a counselor and some strategies for finding some other way to calm down or relax would make sense.

My son is almost 7 and he does what we call the 'Flappy Bird" when he gets excited about something. He will literally flap his arms in front of him. We never really thought anything of it. His teacher brought it to our attention because he started getting teased by some of the boys in class (our son never said a word about it) and she wanted to let me know. You mentioned that your son has large ears, so maybe she is concerned that he will get teased by drawing attention to them? I can't imagine that the teacher is just saying it for no reason. I would think it was either that she was concerned about an ear infection, or about future teasing.

I used to play with my ears, usually while lost in thought. I still find myself reverting and accidentally messing with my ear occasionally.

My guess would be just a habit, not worth even noting. :)

ETA: I just remembered that a chiropractor told me long ago I probably played with my ears (usually the upper part) because there were many sensory points on the ear used for relaxation and focus.

I would let it go unless it stops him from doing his work. It may be his way of concentrating on what he is doing. I would think that if the teacher gave him something else to hold, then he is not disturbing the class and maybe she just wonders about him hurting himself.

ETA: I just remembered a really good friend of mine would put the heels of both hands to her mouth, with her elbows a little out, and make a very soft sound when she would get excited or stressed. Kind of like if you sit at a desk with your head in your hands but not leaning on anything. I asked her once why she did that and she told me. She stopped doing it by the time we were in high school. It never bothered anyone and did not last a long time so did not interfere with class work.

i'm with you.
for my boys it was always an indication that the exasperating ongoing ear infections were gearing up. but if your boy just likes his ears, what's the big deal?
:) khairete
S.

At 8, if it's a distraction in class, I would begin to encourage your son to find something else to fidget with. Not put too much pressure on it, but do talk with him about it. Let him know that it's fine to do when he's falling asleep, relaxing at home, and not in school. While he's at school he needs to work on schoolwork and leave his ears alone.

There's a time and place for everything in life. This is a good way to help him understand and work through that.

ETA: Yes, you could just let it go. But honestly, eventually he's going to have to kick the habit or be labelled a weirdo in middle and high school, and looked at as very odd as an adult. Maybe you don't mind that, I don't know. I'm not saying to make it forbidden, but to teach him to learn other ways to self soothe when in public.

I wouldn't bring up "he's a boy, at least he's not playing with other parts" as Patricia suggests. That's ridiculous and inappropriate.

My brother played with his ears when he sucked his thumb, and so did my good friend. I remember seeing it all the time at my mother's preschool at naptime. I think he will either outgrow it or keep it for something to do at home to soothe. I wouldn't worry at all. I think teachers often bring up behaviors to parents just in case it's a medical concern.

I do have kids with tubes in their ears, and there is ear pulling and rubbing if they have fluid build up. But it's not quite the same. One of my kids digs their ears if they're getting an ear infection and another one looks like he has tics when his ears are full - he does a wide range of facial pulling to relieve the pressure in his ears as well as some rubbing.

It's not a soothing action though when they do that - it looks more like their ear is bothering them. It's not relaxing.

Hope that helps :)

My sweet little girl does the same thing. She's nearly 2 and it's definitely a self-soothing thing. She does it when she's tired. I wouldn't worry too much .... We did have her ears checked by an ENT to rule out anything physically causing her need to run them. So, I guess have a ped or ENT check 'em out just in case and then help him establish a new soothing routine when away from home.

After you confirm that there is nothing medically wrong. Thank the teacher for informing you, you have checked into it and there is nothing wrong.

If the dr. says there is nothing wrong.. just let it go.. he is not hurting anyone.

I think the teacher might be letting you know thinking that maybe there is an ear infection or something?

Good luck.

Tell the teacher to leave him alone. It's how he concentrates and processes thoughts. It sounds like it bothers her and not him.

Other than checking for an ear infection, this is a non-issue.

They're his ears, for goodness sake. How is this a distraction in class? I mean, ok - SHE can see him playing with his ears but I doubt the other kids notice or care. And if it's a distraction to HER, that's HER problem, not your son's.

Let it go. It's HIS body, HIS ears, it makes him feel good and sooths him. Making a thing of it will cause stress which is the last thing he needs.

Let her know that you checked, his ears are fine, and that it's not a problem so just ignore it.

And seriously - since he's a boy, he could be playing with a completely different body part in class, so she should count herself lucky. ;)
- If you need to bring this last bit up with her to get her to lay off his ears, feel free LOL!