Son Is a Different Kid at Preschool

C., I am a preschool teacher with kids your son's age. It is very normal for some kids to observe for a while until they feel secure enough to take part in group activities. I have had kids who will just sit while we are singing and dancing, and I think "They hate this/me" but I find out that at home they sing the songs nonstop and do all the dances perfectly. I wouldn't worry about ADD. In my experience, the kid with ADD is the one swinging from the doorframe during group activities, not the one quietly observing. I bet also that once he feels secure in his new environment, he will be able to follow directions better.It just seems he is afraid to do things wrong and needs reassurance :) One suggestion that I have...since he burst out with a story when you were there, perhaps you could volunteer to come in and read one of his favorite books to the class or bring in a special snack if it is allowed. That way he would feel safe, he would appeal to the other kids, and he would see that school can be fun.

It is very common for a young child who has never been in a preschool setting to act that way. Even if he is used to going to the babysitter's house, preschool is a completely new thing. He will "observe" until he feels comfortable enough to participate. Your child's preschool teacher should have experienced this with other children, and know that it is common. It is not a sign of a problem, only of your child's personality. Just remember, sometimes it is good that your child gets a feel for a situation before jumping in. Would you want him to jump in a car with a stranger? Basically preschool is a bunch of strangers to him.

It will change. I have firsthand experience with it. Soon enough this all will be a distant memory! Don't fret.

I love Elizabeth's response! She hit the nail on the head!

I work with Kindergarten and first grade students all day and so I thought I would ease your mind as well. If you son was used to his previous sitter for some time, he will likely not adjust over night. Give it some time. Lots of new faces, new routines, and new expectations. The directions will come in time also... it is not uncommon for even a Kindergarten to have difficulty with 3 step directions - it's a developmental maturity issue - and an easy skill to practice at home in the mean time. And lastly, erase ADD from your thoughts at this point in the game. It is rare for an "observer" to be ADD. I am sure he is not as focused as his peers, but he has too many new things to take in before he can fine tune his focus.

Hang in there and just keep an eye on things. Volunteering is a great suggestion - and I recommend it to all my parents, as I believe all parents need to see their kid in school mode and all kids need to see that school is important enough for Mom to take part in! Win win situation!

It sounds to me like he is still adjusting to his new environment. Preschool is very different from daycare or home child care as far as expectations, the routine/schedule, and curriculum.
I am a special education teacher and the teacher in me is saying please don't try to label him as ADD...just try to address the "issues" he is having. He is young and has so many developmental changes ahead of him yet.
You can try prepping him before school on what he will be doing that day, what he can do to meet other kids, what you'd like him to show the teachers he can do at circle time, etc. That way he has a better understanding of the expectations and what he is allowed to do.
Practice giving 1 or 2-step instructions at home, then build them up to 3. He has never been expected to follow multi-step directions before and his learning style may not be auditory- sounds like he is more visual or tactile- so this may take longer for him. My 5 year old daughter is also an observer but let me tell you, even though it looks like she is not listening or paying attention, she is a sponge. She hears and remembers everything! Could this be the case with your son?
Most kids don't talk about school much unless drilled by their parents (my kids included) so don't worry there. You are doing the right thing by being involved and aware if your son's education:) You're soing great! :)

My son is VERY shy and acts much the same way in new situations. I started him in a pre-school at age 3, so now at 5 in Kindergarten he is adjusting much better than he used to. I about cried at his 3 year old pre-school parent teacher meeting when they told me he never smiles. That is not how he is a home at all. But he is very serious in school, even now. What you are describing to me does not sound anything like ADD at all. It sounds like he is just a shy kid that will adjust very slowly to change. That is how my son is. Give him time. I have also put my son in gymnastics, and tyquando, etc. so he has more experiances interacting with other kids and teachers. It has helped over the last 2 years. Not panic, just be there to help him adjust and learn how to overcome his fears.

I don't think that I would worry about ADD yet, and definately not talk to any doctor about it. They seem to jump to putting kids on medications that can really harm them. I would suggest two things. The first being that you have your son talk to a school psychologist. Not that there is anything wrong with him mentally at all, but sometimes they are very good at finding things out. He may be acting excited because he knows that you like for him to go to school, but he may still be adjusting. He may not want to tell you this, but may tell someone else. Maybe there is something about his teacher that bothers him. Even people that have dominant personalities, that don't act mean, have a certain effect on children. Maybe suggest for a short time moving him to another class to see if he does better in there. I know that worked on Sundays with our daughter at sunday school. The last thing that I can suggest is time. It may take your son time to adjust to so many kids with no baby sitter, and no parent. This is all new to him and may be scaring him a little even though he doesn't know how to express it just yet.

Hi C.:

Now that half of the school year is up, has there been any progress in the classroom?

Hi C.-
I am currently going through the same w/ my little one- he's 4 and in a Christian preschool for the 2nd year in a row. We are nervous because next year is required all day kindergarten in our area. Our son is a funny little hambone around his sister and his cousins but even though he sees these children in his classroom 3 Xs a week, he will not talk or play w/ them- he had a child spitting in his face the other day and he said that he turned his head so it wouldn't go in his face anymore. I came home and cried where he couldn't see me- I was sad for him... and troubled with the fact that I couldn't crack the code on my own child. I have made a play date w/ another little boy and his Mom at our McD's and will continue to try to get him to socialize w/ me there as a security hoping it will caarry over into friendships at school eventually. I have came to realize that his personality is that he is painfully shy- a helpful book is Nurturing the Shy Child by Barbara and Gregory Markway. I never thought he could be shy- at home he is quite the opposite. But anyway- that's my method- good luck:) Hang in there! This is a stage that someday we will tell them about when they are past it.

my daughter acted the same way for a long time when she first started preschool she was very shy and always didn't want to participate like they had a talent show she just ran straight a crossed then at the Christmas celebration she wouldn't sing its all normal now they cant get her to shut up for the life of them good luck