Son Hurting Dad's Feelings

maybe he got it from a television show? I don't know if he watched tv. I've noticed my daughter will say something occasionally that is like out of character..and I'm like where did she get that from, and then I'll sit down and be watching one of her cartoons or something and I hear it. And I'm like "Ooh...that's where you got that", and she just smiles. She's 3 1/2...sooo, maybe that could be it.

no this is not normal. my next question is...who watches him during the day. Is he with caretakers. Is he around other men alone? What movies are being seen at home? Sit on the floor with him and play...just play. Let him come up with the topics and you follow along. Don't inject ideas in his head but listen to what he is saying. Your responses should be...oh yeah, wow, so you're going there huh, ok now what, etc... Let your son take the lead and you listen.

It could be that he has seen something on tv (bad tv) and he is repeating things during his play.

I'm sorry but I will side with your child. Even if your husband is a sweet person, after all your son is only three. Have you asked your son why he is saying this? If he is crying there must be a reason. Did your husband maybe do something to scare him by accident or did he see something in a movie that he shouldn't have? If I were you I'd sit him down and calmly ask him why he is crying like that and ask him why he specifically says "don't hurt me daddy". I hope all goes well.Good luck!

No! Not normal. Ask the pedi about it or a counsler. What happens when he does this? What reaction does he get? Get this checked out now while he is young so you could possibly prevent him doing this to someone else at school later on and creating a scene. I know many 3 year olds and I don't know why the would just start crying and up a story of getting hurt. Get help for your little guy!! OR, worse case is there something that has or is happening to him by an adult that could be causing this. Could playing with dad trigger memorie of "playing" with someone else. Scary thought but look at it from both side either something is wrong or something is or did happen to your son by an adult!!

you need to sit the baby down and ask him what he means. Ask him for details. This may seem strange but do it by yourself where your son feels comfortable and really listen to him. I am not saying there is a problem but you need to do this for you, your husband and your son.

This hasn't happened to my husband, at least not in this way. But it reminds me of a story: A wife finds her husband giving their baby a bath while leaving the bathroom window open and comes unglued! The baby was fine. No cold, no fever, just fine. Someone listening to the complaining said: at least your husband was GIVING your baby a bath!

Sometimes we focus on one thing and forget the other half of the story. You two might explore ways your husband can alter how he responds when your son overreacts.

One thing I have learned is that 3-year-olds often don't know how exactly to say what they are feeling. So, for instance, hearing my son say "it's not fair!", I would say "hmmm, sounds like (often it is "looks like ...") you are upset. Do you want to draw me a picture?" My kids didn't have the vocabulary at the age of 3 to tell me whether they felt tired, had a bruise, or understand that some joking (and playing) is for fun and pretend -- not for real.

I would encourage you to play with them a couple of times and look for what it might be that your son is trying to express.

I have caught myself telling my boys (a 15-yr-old, 10-yr-old, and 7-yr-old (oh, and the 50-yr-old! LOL) "well, I don't see any blood and you sure are scaring me screaming like you fell down, please calm down and tell me what happened" or even "oh my, maybe I need to take you to the doctor and tell him you need a shot of medicine to make it all better" (I have to contain my laugh at their reaction that, oh, it's not that bad LOL)

The comment about repeating this as something your son has heard someone else say (someone at daycare or on TV) caught my eye. I've had to explain (just a couple of years ago) "remember, you are not SpongeBob (whatever) and you don't have to act like him. You're a real boy who can talk in a regular (calm) voice about what happened."

Anyway, I'm not sure I actually told you anything helpful. Take what makes sense to you and leave the rest as rambling!

Good luck!

Ask your son when his dad isn't around what has dad done to hurt him.Or ask him when this happens. Children don't just cry w/so much emotion for no reason.You have to find out whats bothering him. Don't stop till you find out.

Go with your instincts...I've seen kids do this kind of thing. I have a child who screams melodramatically in order to avoid punishment. It sounds like someone is killing him and that is not the case. He is using his words and tears to see what will happen and as a power tool.
At three its hard to convey to him the harm that he is doing. It may be as simple as dad and he are playing and he decides he doesn't want to play anymore, and knows the quickest way to stop the game is by acting as if he's being hurt. If they are rough housing, he may be easily sensitive and doesn't want to play anymore.

As much as possible give your little guy words to say, "Daddy I don't want to play anymore." Tell him that acting like something bad is happening when its not is lying and is naughty. Your little guy may just be fearful of something happening and reacts, gets the reaction of Dad stopping the game and knows it works. Help dad to know what you think is going on with the boy and both of you work with issues of honesty (and over dramatization) with him. The key is children have over active imaginations and like to exaggerate. Find the words to help him realize that dad loves him and will not harm him. (and a swat on the bottom for lying may not be out of place)

Your poor husband.
Hmmm. Your son is getting this from somewhere. I wonder if at school there is a child there with family issues. Have you asked his teacher? Maybe she can keep her eyes or ears open to what may be going on.

Also try to think very carefully about any story books, videos or tv that your son may have gotten this from. It can be very innocent, but sometimes kids internalize these things. Imagine Hansel and Gretal and the evil step mom.. We all grew up listening to this, but now there are so many stepmothers, this story could really freak a child out.

Also in Church nursery there can be kids that cry because they are not used to childcare and maybe a dad got mad at a little boy? Or at a store he witnessed an incident?.. Your husband needs to not back away by this but instead spend more one on one with your son so he can see what a wonderful man he is.

I am sending you all peace.

I have four girls and worked in day care for years before I had them. Noooooooo!!!! This is not at all normal if it is "out of the blue" and not related to any rough play. You don't give details but I get the feeling this is happening during normal play, like block building or something? If it's during rough play then my guess is that one day he got hurt during rough play and is afraid of getting hurt again.

When they get a little older, old enough to understand manipulation, then during discipline or maybe outside of the home when talking to others, they may say things about mommy or daddy hurting them in relation to discipline. I know my niece says things like that (boy does she have horrifying and hilarious things to say...my sister could write a book!)

But, this is a very different situation. I would be concerned that someone is sexually abusive to him or abusive in other ways.

I hate to say this, but just because your husband is very sweet does not put him above suspicion, either. The 'nicest guys' are often the abusers.

I hope you can get to the bottom of this! It could be nothing....and it might be that he's actually being hurt.

Wow, that is rough! Well as someone else said, if this started to happen after a wrestle match or something that could be all it is. However, I think dad will have to affirm that he will never hurt him and then maybe probe a little bit. First a big hug and kiss and dad telling him he will never hurt him and that he will always take care of him will go a long way I think, I mean like every single time this happens. Then I think some questions are in order like "What hurts?" "Are you scared? of what?" "Did you have a bad dream?" "How do you think daddy could hurt you?" Something triggered this and if you get to the root of it I think it will get resolved. I mean he could have seen a man slap a child on tv and the child cry hysterically and made a weird association. Children are really emotional and sensitive but it isn't always easy fo them to sort out how they feel and express themselves. My son is two and there was some e.r. drama and on discovery health, I didn't even realize he was watching, and all the sudden I hear him yelling "what happened!!??!!" and he looked upset. So I scooped him up, turned off the TV and told him everything was just fine and started a tickle fight or something. But what if I hadn't been right there at the moment, it could have been something that might have popped up later and I would have had to work to try and figure out what was up. Anyway, tell your hubby not to take it personally if he can help it and give him the job of securing your son and getting to the bottom of it. I think if he sees it as a problem he needs to solve he can be less emotional and more task oriented about it. I haven't met a man yet who doesn't love to save the day;) Best wishes!!

Hi! L.,
What kind of games are they playing? That would be helpful, to understand what brings on the tears. If they're just playing a board game he may not like it if he is losing. Or if they are horse playing it may be to rough for him. I know sometimes when I'm playing around with our son, (he is 10yrs) I don't realize that I might be holding to tight and he says ouch,ouch,ouch. So sometimes as grown ups we don't get that we are stronger. Just look at how and what the play is like.

My son, same age, kind of started doing this with my father. He didn't cry, but would say "Papaw hurt me." Of course, I would ask questions and so forth and narrowed it down to rough unintentional play. He absolutely adores his Papaw. When we were headed over there one time, I told him to tell Papaw whenever he hurts him to tell him, "Gentle Papaw." Sure enough, right after we got there he was love patting him on the shoulder and it kind of hurt. My son told him, "Stop that Papaw. Gentle." It has totally stopped. And Papaw has learned how to be more gentle with him.

I would be concerned for there to be so much emotion behind your son's expression. At three, they are old enough to tell you enough details of the hurt to give you an idea of what's really going on. Ask him at different times and in different ways. I think you'll be surprised how open he can be.

Is that all the details in full? Are they wrestling, playing catch, what?

Obviously, everyone is going to want to know if he was hurt before, accidentally of course. Or has there been a past incident that triggered this even with another child?

Maybe he prefers cuddling and soft affectionate time with Daddy versus more aggressive playing and this is his way of communicating that to your husband. Maybe the play is too rough and he doesn't want to admit it is too much for him and then finally, he breaks down.

I know my husband really likes to horse around in a rougher way than I do, maybe your son doesn't like it but doesn't want to tell his Daddy that. Just a young and sweet boy who is not ready or comfortable with the more aggressive play that Daddy enjoys.

Have them try a different activity together, a calmer one.

Before jumping to the gun and assuming that your husband is doing something I would ask questions. I have 2 girls a 5yo and a 3yo. My 3 yo is currently behaving similarly. It started while she was playing with myself or my husband then out of the blue she would start screaming and crying saying "mommy/daddy hit me". Often this would be while the whole family was in the room and she was verifiably not hit. She then started doing it when she wasnt playing with anyone. She would be doing a puzzle by herself or coloring then out of the blue, screaming, crying "so and so hit me". It took a little bit but it has become obvious that she does this to garner everyones attention or to transition to another activity. We are working on teaching her to "use her words", and that lying is bad. I love her to death but the other day the "chair hit me". Review your behaviors. My little girl cant rough house because she gets hurt really easily. She has also learned the powers of manipulation. The best thing I can offer is ask him lots of questions that ARE NOT BIASED. (even at 3 I think they can sense that) That will give you a little insight into what he is thinking. Also talk to your pediatrician. I have a good one that I have had to approach a few times about behavioral issues with my youngest. Goodluck

Could be a stage, could be something he saw on TV or maybe if he goes to daycare someone hurt him. Also could be that hubby is accidentally hurting him and not realizing it if they are rough-housing around. I would sit your son down with Dad and tell him that Daddy would NEVER hurt him on purpose and did he get hurt on accident? Ask him to show you where on his body it hurts. Then ask him if anyone else hurt him. That's all I can think of. Never had that happen to my kids before.

Has your child been in a day care?,around other children who might influnce this type of behaviour? do you have a second adult male that will sometime watch him along with other children around?..
These are all the questions that I would ask.
If yes to any do some checking for yourself and see what is going on..for both of you.