Son Has Trouble Socializing

S.,

Sounds like you hit the nail on the head. Some kids are just shy. That's okay. Keep taking him out, keep going to classes and setting up playdates. You might want those playdates to be small, though. Try inviting ONE kid over to play, and see how he does. It might take 3 or 4 dates with the same child for him to warm up, and that's all right. Not everyone is comfortable in a crowd, and a crowd can be three kids for a toddler or pre-schooler. Some of us just do better one on one.

Odds are, he'll grow out of a lot of this. Not that he'll be the life of the party, but he'll grow up to be more comfortable with his peers, and better able to interact with them. It's about familiarity. Your son probably sees more adults than kids. Are most of your friends still childless? My kid's the exact opposite. He'll interact with any little kid who comes by, but treats nearly all adults like background furniture. Couldn't be bothered with them. It's all personality.

Hi S.,
My son who is now 4 and 1/2 had the exact same problem. it didn't matter where we were he just shyed away from kids and adults he didn't know.
I have no other children and there are no kids on my block that are my sons age. i enrolled him in preschool. i have to say that was what changed him. Now daniel cant wait to go and even wants play dates.

N.

when my daughter was about the same age as your son, she wanted to be with mommy all the time. When we would plan something with my sisters and their children she wanted to sit with me and the other adults and didn't want to play with the other kids. If I planned a play date with the neighbor girls she wouldn't want to do it and would just want to stay with mommy. I enrolled myself in an art class that met twice a week for a couple of hours and enrolled her in day care for the time I was in class. It really helped. At the time it was really hard for me. I had always been there for her and never wanted to put her into day care. I felt guilty at first, leaving her there and listening to her cry as I left. she didn't want to go at first and wanted to come with me to my class, but since this wasn't an option it was easier for me to follow through and make her stay. After she adjusted to the change she really loved it. It gave her a chance to make friends and play with other children. Even on days when my class was canceled she would still want to go to day care to play with her friends. She said "Even if I choose to go play with my friends I will always still love you." I think it is really important to teach our children to be independant and to make friends at an early age and sometimes this means forcing not only them but ourselves into it as well.

Hi S.-

I had the same issue with my son Joseph. He is also as you described. (smart, outgoing with close friends and family)He has gotten much better with socializing lately. I enrolled him in a Mommy and me/nursery program and it helped a lot. I also try to keep exposing him to other children as much as possible. When others are around I would try to play with them and eventually we would all play together and after awhile I would be able to slowly remove myself from the picture. It was my way of SHOWING him how to socialize. If you would like to speak with me further feel free to e-mail me directly. Good Luck!!!!!

At this age, toddlers are still not interested in playing WITH another child. The world still revolves around them. They don't get that whole idea just yet.

It is not until they're closer to 4 do they want to interact with kids their age and actually find it fulfilling.

Right now my 2.5 year old son treats all kids like babies. He'll act like the adult and tell them to go play somewhere else or go to sleep! Even when the kids are older than him. And, at daycare I always see him playing by himself and insisting on helping his teachers. Never see him harmonously playing with another child.

It's all good. You don't have any worries.

Hi S.,

Yous story sounds so familiar to me. My son (only child at that time) was not interested in playing with other kids at all and completely hated Parties. He would opt to stay home, even when I took him to Gymboree he played alone and would not sit under the parachute circle time thingy they had. I finally stop going because he was not socializing and I wcould for no money take him to the park.

He was mostly with adults as I am the eldest in my family and no other grandchildren were around. I use to do the same thing as you, book him on play dates only to see him retreat to a corner or only play with me and ignore the other child completely. This continued until he began Pre-school, he also was very bright and a lot more mature than most kids his age..also physically he has always towered over most kids, which did not help matters.

I can still remember the first teachers conference, the teacher began with telling me my son was extremely bright and education wise he was far beyond pre-school. I was smiling from ear to ear, then she told me his social skills were a big concerned because he had none!! Apparently he played alone all the time and would only speak to the girls on occassions stayed clear from the boys and was essentially a loner...

Can't tell you how my heart broke on that one!! Anyway at that time he was going to school 2 days 1/2 a day....The teacher recommended I increase the number of days he came to school so he would have consecutive days. That made the difference within a month he was talking about his friends and on my next Teacher's conference I was told he had two friends that were boys and his Social skills were improving very much.

Now at 6 years old he is still very conservative , he is not the type to walk up to any child and introduce himself, however, he warms up much faster and eventually becomes everyone's best friend. On my last teachers conference the teacher commented on how he was by far one of the most popular boy with the girls, for his warm, kind and gentle ways and with the boys because of his height, strength and intelligence.

You have a shy boy who with the right encouragement will blossom to be the kid everyone wants to talk too.

I would only worry if crying or bouts of depression are noticed to preceed playdates...

However, it sounds like he just needs more time with kids and more time to learn the social skills...socializing with another child of similar temperament may help as I always felt my son was intimidated by the more outgoing kids....he did tolerate better kids who were also shy...

Hi S.,

It does sound like your son is a bit shy. Have you tried leaving him at a play group or class with out you there? I have a 19 month old daughter who, since my return to work in September, has been going to day care one day a week and is at home with my mother two days per week. She has become so much more outgoing and social with other kids and easily intereacts when we go to the park or to our music class.

I don't know if they have these in your area, but we have a few places around me that are structured play without the parents. You can drop your child off 1 day or five days per week and they stay for about two hours each time. It is an opportunity to run some errands by yourself while you child plays in a safe environment with other kids.

Good Luck.

H.

have you tried sending ur child to a day care a couple days a week.. i was home with my son for 15 months and then went back to work. Ever since he has gone to day care i feel he has learned alot me then me playing with him