Son Had a Horrible Experience in School. What to Do?

First off, you weren't wrong for changing schools. Changing schools has nothing to do with this sad situation that happened in the classroom.

Secondly, it might help him if he knows that embarrassing things happen to EVERYONE. Tell him about something G-rated that happened to you that embarrassed you in front of an entire group of people, and how you dealt with it.

What happened wasn't so awful that it's going to ruin his life. Accidents happen. You can even explain that "little boys have little penises/penii?" including the little boy who made that "silly, silly comment." The kids laughed, yes, but they're at an age when naked is funny. Poop and pee is funny. They WILL forget it especially the next time one of them has an accident or throws up in front of everyone.

I would keep the discussion brief and don't let him know how upset you are on his behalf.

And please, don't blame his teacher. She handled the situation perfectly and didn't do anything wrong. Kids are kids, and this was just an unfortunate situation. The key here is teaching him to move past it and not keep reliving it.

That's a little heartbreaking. I would try to work out a strategy with the teacher to deal with this. Perhaps the teacher can talk to the class and try to get some empathy from them. Children these days seem a little more accepting of these things than when I was small.

I would not make him go to school the next day, and would make sure that the teacher explained to the class that someone had not done what they were told to do - tell there was toilet paper. Bad things then happened, and your son was affected and it wasn't even his fault but the fault of the person who didn't tell. Then laughing at him was not nice, etc. etc.

It can be a learning experience for the class of these very young children.

Then, after you know for sure this talk happened, have your son return to school knowing that everyone now knows it was not his fault but the fault of the person who didn't tell about the toilet paper. From now on everyone is going to be more careful to tell, and also to be careful to first check that there is toilet paper before using the bathroom.

Although we want to think the worst of children in groups, about bullying, etc. my younger daughter had tics (tourettes) and I was very impressed that when a situation is actually explained to kids, most of them really do change the way they behave/treat the other person.

Humility, the ability to laugh at oneself, the ability to laugh ALONG with others laughing at us, picking up the peices and moving on, accepting our own mistakes, shrugging it off and going forth anyway.....all are very useful life skills.

It may rob him of the chance to learn these skills if he changes schools or even stays home from school one day.

I'm so sorry this happened to your little fella. That IS rough. But I really DO think it'll be ok. Luckily kindergarteners have a VERY short memory.

It'll only be as big a deal as YOU make it.

His teacher probably feels awful too. Although, I'd guess she's seen WAY worse things happen!

:)

Oh goodness, poor little guy :( If I were in your same shoes, I would let him know he can talk to you if he wants to. Otherwise, I think parents have a longer memory than kids and it's better to let things go. I don't think the teacher did anything wrong. I can understand why they don't want 3 extra rolls of TP in the bathroom with a kindergartener! The lesson he needs to learn now is to always look before he sits to be sure there is TP. The biggest lesson you can teach him is how to get over an embarrassing situation. Give him a few words he can say if the kids tease him today. Something like, I had an accident, I bet you wouldn't want me to laugh at you if you have an accident. At home, I would also work on teaching him to completely finish before getting off the toilet. It's always possible that he could forget to notice a lack of TP and we don't want this happening again. Teach him it's better to have some poo in your undies, than showing your privates to everyone. Encourage and support him today to go to school and face the problem...otherwise you're teaching him to hide when he makes a mistake. Also, I don't think your move affected this at all...if this had happened at the old school, the kids still would have laughed.

My heart goes out to you and your son. Especially to you... you're probably more hurt than he is. Please stop feeling guilty for moving schools. Its not optimal, but you are doing your best. Kids are very resilient at this age, although I know they can also grab on to something with fierce tenacity...!

I think I would just tell him that accidents happen, its no big deal. Maybe you can help him talk through the embarrasement part, validate those feelings but let him know that these things happen. I would send him to school, because I wouldn't want him to think it was "so horrible" that he couldn't show his face. As other have said, teach him to look first, not to hold it so long, etc. And tell him never to leave the bathroom with his pants down!

I don't think the teacher did anything wrong. I would talk to her and ask her to look out for him a little bit, which I'm sure she will.

Sending you hugs....

Oh boy. Poor kid. :(

Trust me, someone will eat a booger this week and his bathroom incident will be yesterday's (forgotten) news.

The kids WILL forget this.
He needs to stick to the schedule/routine.
Share some embarrassing incident (even if you have to make O. up!) that you had and how you handled it.
Explain that peeing, pooping and using the bathroom are a normal part of life and so is being out of paper!

Poor guy! Ugh :( I don't know what I would do...my only thought - One thing i noticed this year with my little kindergartner - As much as kids can say cruel things - kindergartners move on and forget quite quickly. I don't know if that would apply in this situation or not :(. I don't know that anybody did anything 'wrong'...hindsight is always 20/20. If you keep him home...it lets him know the option is there - which could be a not good thing :(. Is volunteering in his classroom an option? When my son had his days that he didn't want to go...sometimes I would arrange to come in for 45 minutes or so in the middle of the day and help out - it gave him something to look forward to and it gave him that extra boost of courage to get there. If he and the teacher have a plan for what to do if the same thing happens again...that may help? Gosh, I just feel so bad for the little guy!! I am so sorry this happened to him!

No one is at fault. Things happen. I would send him to school. He needs to understand that bad things happen but life goes on. I feel for the fella but this is a great teachable moment. Hugs!

Oh, your poor little guy. It'll be OK, mama! Really -- I don't think you or the teacher did anything wrong. And I don't think this would be any better if it happened in a school he'd been in all year long. Sometimes, things just suck.

Send him to school -- but make sure he's prepared. Talk about what might happen and what others might say. Give him some strategies and maybe some responses he can give. Talk about how everyone makes mistakes and has accidents. My daughter was so anxious in kindergarten she was afraid to leave the classroom on her own to go to the bathrool and, sure enough, one day she finally had an accident in class. She was mortified. It took time, but eventually she got over it. Her teacher said it happens to many kids and she was pretty experienced at requiring the class to be empathetic rather than teasing.

Talk with your son's teacher and ask for help. This can help your son learn to accept accidents & failings of all kinds with humor and perservearnace if you and his teacher can work together to guide him & his classmates through it.

Hang in there!

OH -I am so sorry for your little man and you! I have a kindergarten boy, and if that happened I would sit down with him and let him know I completely understood that he was embarrassed and sad that the kids laughed at him. Let him know that it could have happened to ANY of them, but by today they've most likely forgotten all about it! Also remind him that ALL boys' "weiners" look small right after they've gone to the bathroom and are resting.

Also -give him some practical advice. Tell him first of all -not to hold in pee or poop because it can make him very sick, but to always look in the restroom before he pulls his pants down to go to make sure there is plenty of toilet paper. It's what we do in public stalls -right?

I think I would ask the teacher if they've had classroom dialogs and lessons about empathy and treating others kindly -not making fun or laughing at people. YES, it's human nature to a certain extent, and I also don't feel our schools should be doing what is really the parents' job, BUT I have been impressed that my son's class has had some lessons on empathy, caring, kindness, not making fun of others, being helpful -all good stuff! I've been in his class a lot, and while, YES, I do think they would laugh if my son presented himself with his pants around his ankles and a need to wipe -I don't think they would say anything hurtful. They've also really learned the art of apology. Ask her if she has kids apologize and suggest that maybe she go over how hurtful it is to make fun of and laugh at someone and how it's good to apologize if you've been doing that. That way she doesn't further single him out.

Ultimately, it's one of those awful life lessons we have to learn -being humiliated and facing the folks who we were humiliated in front of (I have a 3rd grade monkey bar incident burned on my brain forever). Think back to when it happened to you -and tell him about it. He'll be okay -just show him a lot of understanding! Tell him he has to go back to school, and that every day it will get better until everyone forgets about it. Tell him they've probably already forgotten about it! Seriously -they probably have.

Embarrasing things happen...and if you help him learn that yes people will laugh, but will soon move on to other things...like when Jenny throws up or someone else wets their pants...all these things happen in Kinder.

See if you can arm him with some funny ways to joke about what happened...

He must go back tomorrow and face it...the longer he waits the tougher it will be.

Teacher did great...the best she could do under the circumstances.

I don't think it will make your son feel any better but my husband's first day of work right out of college...he over flowed the toilet after a #2...and was desperatly trying to stop the toilet and figure out how to get it cleaned up...the bathrooms were right in the middle of the office, unisex restrooms...argh!! He survived and made it seven more years with the firm. But what a horrible first day!!

And the moving in the middle of the year...it happens and you couldn't fix it...happens to kids all the time!! Stop beating yourself up!! Hugs!!

Talk to him about what to say and do if any of the kids say anything about the incident. Let him see what a bad reaction looks like vs a good reaction. I wouldn't keep him home, it would only bring more attention to the situation by the other classmates when he comes back. I would go with him to his class, explain to the teacher before class starts how embarrassed he is, and ask her if there's anything she can do to help him. Tell him you can't stay with him and have him sit at his desk but stick around until a few classmates get there.

In the future, empower him by letting him know he can make sure it doesn't happen again by remembering if he's not on the potty, you don't push anything out.

The teacher didn't do anything wrong. She has an entire classroom to watch and to keep running. If it is the students' responsibility to let the teacher know when they used the last of the toilet paper, and the student who used it last didn't, then it's the students fault. (Think about it this way, would you have the teacher stop teaching every time a student goes to the bathroom to make sure there is still toilet paper, paper towels, etc. This would be disruptive to the whole class.)

I would send him to school today. Tell him that next time he has to use the restroom to check and make sure there is toilet paper before he starts going. If he's already gone and realizes that there is no more toilet paper, then tell him not to run out of the bathroom but yell for the teacher from the bathroom door.

He needs to learn not to run around with his pants down.

This same sorta thing happened to my son except his classrooms potty wasn't working and the next one over someone was in. And face it sometimes little ones can't hold it and he peed his pants. His teacher gave him his clothes and he changed. It wasnt til he was on the school bus that bigger kids started teasing him and when I heard one of them I told them that I pee my pants sometimes! I was 8 months pregnant at the time. Those kids didn't know what to say! And when we got home my son told me thank you for making him feel better. My point is tell him something ebarassing about yourself so he knows stuff like this happens to everyone not just him :)

Send him to school. Tomorrow is another day and young children have VERY short memories.

The teacher didn't do anything wrong. Your son didn't do anything wrong. This stuff happens in Kindergarten... all the time. Just take him to school and chat with the teacher and let her know that he's very embarassed and nervous about going to school. I'm assure you that unless she's a terrible teacher, she will have an "ear out" for comments towards him today.

In addition, talk with your son about how it is ALWAYS a good idea to check to see if there is toilet paper before sitting down. This will happen to him many times in his life, so better to learn the strategy now!

This will be "old news" by spring break.

nobody did anything wrong. life throws curveballs sometimes, and even in families people don't always think of the next guy when the TP runs out.
your poor little fellow. i'm sure it was genuinely traumatic for him and he does deserve a big warm dose of sympathy and understanding.
but don't go overboard with it. after the initial hugs and listening closely and mirroring his feelings back and making sure he feels understood and validated, don't YOU get stuck in it. the best way for him to internalize that this was just an unfortunate (but minor) incident and to move on from it is for him to see that you are.
take a deep breath, mama. he will have way more challenging things than this to handle. you want to make sure he learns to do it calmly and confidently.
khairete
S.

Aw poor little guy, that must have been an awful experience for him:(
I would've questioned also why there wasn't any toilet paper fully stocked in that bathroom.
I might be a little concerned if i were you about him not being able to control that #1 and 2 came out as he was walking back to the bathroom. Has that ever happened before? I think at that age they should usually have full control of bladder and bowels.

But anyhow I'd talk with the teacher and make sure she knows it was very traumatic for him and to keep an eye out for any teasing. I don't think she did anything wrong unless she didn't reprimand those kids for teasing.

I would probably give my kid a couple days off to forget about it and hopefully the other kids will too. I would not send him tomorrow, that's just my opinion. It's still fresh in these kid's minds and the last thing he needs is more embarrassment, and I would explain that to the teacher also.

I don't think you were wrong to switch schools, but if possible I would've sucked up the gas costs and kept him in the same school since it's only about 2 1/2 months left, assuming your schools get out for summer in June. I'm not a big fan of switching during the school year if you can avoid it.
If worst comes to worst and he keeps refusing to go or the kids do not let up, I'd ask for a different classroom so he can start fresh.

This has nothing to do with you moving. In any kindergarten class, kids will point and laugh if someone comes out of the bathroom with their pants down and pees/poops on the floor in front of them. A kindergartener should really know better than to come into the classroom with pants down. It's not the teacher's job to check the bathroom after each kid goes. It's not tiny tot preschool. The kids probably use too much paper and dont' want to tell the teacher they used it up, but you can tell your son that if there's no toilet paper, there are probably tissues or paper towels in the bathroom that he could use instead (but advise him to not flush the paper towels). You could send him with an emergency paper towel in his pocket. Let him know it's absolutely not acceptable to leave the bathroom with his privates showing. I hope his classmates forget about this quickly and that the teacher lets them know that it's not acceptable to tease him about this unfortunate experience