Son Doesn't Want to Poop (Diaper or Potty)

It is called Voluntary Fecal Withholding and my daughter did it too. The pediatrician put her on Miralax which was prescription at the time. She stayed on it for almost 6 months until she was completely regular and then we eased off. We only used it after that if she did not go daily or was constipated. She used to poop in her diaper and did not want to poop in a potty and at first I would put a diaper on her, she would go stand behind a chair and fill it, and then I would clean her. She became very constipated without that routine, and when she did try to poop she actually tore her anus slightly and bled a little, and after that she simply did not dare to go anymore. What happens is that the colon stretches and can hold more and more, making the poop huge and painful. The long use of Miralax allowed the bowel to shrink back to normal size. After that all was well. I would discuss it with the pediatrician, and ask to try this method. It worked for us.

Hmmmm, I agree with Megan C. Seek the advice of your pediatrician now because if he continues this way he could cause serious problems in his body. He's unknowingly already created poop so hard it hurts to push out, poor guy.

One of my brothers refused to poop and the pain he experienced was so severe they were considering prepping him for an appendectomy! They gave him an enema in the ER and he pooped. The doctor's advice to my parents was plenty of juice and water every day, set times to sit on the potty for him to try even if he insisted he didn't need to go, and he eventually gave up being stubborn.

Have you talked to his pediatrician? You don't say how long this HAS been going on. If he truely is backing up, then he's creating problems for himself.

You could try a child's suppository to get things moving. Its possible that he's slightly dehydrated and so fluids can't get to where they are needed. This was true for my daughter.

My 4y daughter had similar issue that was part constipation/part stubborness because it hurt. In Feb. she had been 5 days without having a BM. We literally spent a whole day on the toilet with no progress, just tears and shaking (from the pain). I took her into the ER and they have her 2 bags worth of an enima before she had an overwhelming BM that was over so fast I didn't believe she had done anything.

Now when she is backed up we push the Miralax in Orange juice, LOTS of fluids.

My advice is to talk to the pediatrician and get a belly ultrasound, just to see how backed up he really is.

M.

There is a book called "everyone poops". Maybe that will help:

http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops-My-Body-Science/dp/1...

From your description I would have the pediatrician weigh in and ask about a routine that includes Miralax. He does sound constipated, and it would be from voluntary withholding. The Miralax would soften everything, and you really will need to be ready for what will be an enormous amount of poop. He won't have control over letting out a bowel movement. He will simply empty his bowels. The first bit of poop will be like a plug uncorking because it's hard and constipated, but the rest will be like a dam opening a flood. Make sure he stays hydrated and drinks lots of water. Give him belly massages and let him have nice warm baths.

After the first couple of days you won't need as much for "maintenance" until his body is back on track and his fear goes back down, and it will be very important not to make this an emotional power struggle. You may find that after this is taken care of that his appetite improves.

I'd like to gently suggest that your son is picking up on your sense of urgency, frustration and impatience, and this is almost certainly complicating some or all of the following:

(a) his sense that he will perform well enough to please you;
(b) his confidence that his body functions are really his own;
(c) his ability to focus on his own bodily sensations;
(d) his willingness to cooperate.

Based on what you write about the emotions around the issue, it sounds like every poop is, for him, a "traumatic poop event." He's not the one who has created this situation, and you are the only one with real choice at this stage.

There is some possibility that he is, indeed constipated. One of the signs is small, hard lumps. Belly cramping can also indicate constipation – it sure does for me. And a reluctance to have a complete movement, for whatever reason, also contributes to constipation, especially if this goes on and on over time.

Belly pain and recent smears could also indicate this has evolved into encopresis, a situation in which a large blockage has formed in the colon, and only more liquified stool forces its pay past. But encopresis also causes rectal numbing, and the child truly can't feel anything resembling an urge to push. The wet stool comes out without the child's awareness. Some kids become so numbed they even leak pee without being aware of it.

I'd be inclined to give him small but increasing doses of Miralax until his stools become softer (too large a dose to start can really make him cramp if he's fighting going, and then you can add "pain" to the list above.

I think I'd be pretty worried at this point. I hope you'll consider taking him to a pediatrician to talk over your options. Meanwhile, most kids are reassured by the message that you know he'll manage a good poop as soon as he's ready, and until then you just want to do whatever you can to help make that easier. And Mommy, that means NO pressure from you.

This is a really silly suggestion but it helped my 2 1/2 year old figure out the "pushing" mechanism behind pooping in the potty! His sitter (who has babysat for over 30 years and is brilliant) does this with all of them when potty training. Gently squeeze his head between your hands and make a big fun, game out of it - squinch up your face and tense your body all up and say "SQUEEEEEEZEEE!!!" and bear down - kind of let him see through your body actions and feel gently through your hands on his head what he is supposed to be doing. My son thinks it's hilarious and mimics it back which helps move things along. Silly, yes, but effective and it took a lot of stress out of potty training!

Another suggestion is to buy the book "Everyone Poops" and read that with your son so he sees it's natural and nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of and that it's not a stressful thing. Does he go to the bathroom with you or your husband? It might be good for him to see that too - lead by example! HA HA... Also, sometimes when it's obviously going to be awhile for my son to go, I get a stepstool to sit on and stay there talking about stuff other than pottying so he stops thinking about it. It's tough to do esp. when we are all so busy - we've had a few thrown together dinners b/c I had to sit for a 1/2 hour in the bathroom w/him but oh well. Just trying to think of things that will take the stress out of the situation for both of you. Good luck.

I'm sure you'll hear this many times, but I'll add my voice so you'll know there are many of us who have been through this :) My son had some of the same issues and still does many years later! Get ahead of this now before it becomes so automatic that you'll still be dealing with it as he heads for 4th grade!!!
Ask your pediatrician about Miralax (or the generic equivalent). It is not a stimulant so it won't be addicting. It will keep your son from being able to "withhold" so he won't end up with long-term issues that will require a pediatric gastroenterologist and daily meds. My son didn't start out with a medical issue, but it has become one. The pediatrician said this is more common with determined (read "stubborn") children.
Just a suggestion from a mom who has been in your shoes for waaaaayyyyy too long now.
Good luck!

You have gotten some good responses so far. I'd like to weigh in on the less medicated, more holistic route.
I would also concur that this sounds like some constipation. First, looking at diet, you might want to increase fiber, more raw fruits and veggies. Lots of water. Decrease foods that bind and constipate. These would be dairy, meats, and white flour. Externally, a warm castor oil compress is wonderful. Castor oil is easily found at any drug store and is cheap. Take the castor oil, put it on the abdomen, and then also you can put some on a piece of fabric such as flannel, or just cotton, since it's crazy hot now! Take a heating pad, and place it on top of the fabric and put it on low. This can be done at nap time or rest time. Have your son lie down and read a story to him. This should help soften and release blockages easily. You might need to do this a few times.

I hate to tell you, but the "smears" could be an indication of fecal impaction (google it and ask your pediatrician about it). Please don't keep saying that is not what it is, when it certainly could be!! Sometimes the poop is stuck in there and just a little bit of watery or mushy stuff is able to slip around it and get out. That is a CLASSIC sign. We've been there. I agree with everyone recommending Miralax. It dissolves in any liquid and is completely tasteless. Another trick to "make him go" - have him sit on the toilet backwards. I know it sounds crazy, but this worked for us. In that position it is nearly impossible for the child to hold it all in. I would try this after a few doses of Miralax. I understand how frustrating this can be. It took us about a year to be rid of the whole issue. Another thing we did was increase fiber as much as possible. Now my daughter can eat a whole quart of strawberries in one sitting and I let her. When we go out to dinner (and I know she'll be eating grilled cheese and fries) I always pack carrot sticks and fruit for her to eat with her dinner. I don't really care if that is not "good behavior" for a restaurant - the memories of her constipation are just too awful. Good luck B..