J.F.
Dear S.,
My heart breaks with you. I can’t imagine finding out that your mother deceived you for so long.
As I read your story all I could think of was the prodigal son. In some aspects Maren and Aelsa are correct. He is 18 now and legally he is an adult. He now has to find out that there is accountability for his actions. You sound like a good Mom who set boundaries and raised him with values, although he might have forgotten them right now. I know it is hard to watch or hear this all unfold and have no control. You still have a couple of options. Through his My Space account tell him that no matter what he does you are his mom and you will always love him. I would even suggest that your husband let him know that also.
Then the next thing is to get down on your knees and pray. Trust that God is still in control and He loves your son, your Mom, and you UNCONDITIONALLY. He is hurting to see this all happening, but he knows how it will end. He works all things out for good. I know it sounds like a last resort but it really is the first resort. You can’t control your son but you can control how you respond to his actions. If he finds that you are willing to still love him but not control him things might start to click in the back of his head. I have found great comfort in praying for those who have hurt me. I ask God to bless them, keep them safe, and open their hearts and eyes to the truth. God had Job bless his friends who turned against him and hurt him during his trials. God did that to help Job forgive and let go. You might also read Isaiah chapter 54 and verse 13. “All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children.” This is a promise to you. Believe it and pray it over your son, give thanks to God for his promise and that he will work in your son. Remember when you pray for someone he or she usually act worse in the beginning before it takes effect, because their heart is being convicted by God. They are rebelling against the conviction of their heart not you.
Ask your Mom why she did what she did? Was she afraid of something? Try to put yourself in her shoes. It might help you with your anger/frustration.
One of the biggest things I have had to learn with my 3 kids is that, I have raised them to the best of my ability and tried to instill right from wrong, values, morals, and most of all love in them. How they act though is their choice not mine, and I am not a bad parent because of their actions. DO NOT let others try and place that judgment on you. They have NOT walked in your shoes.
I pray that this will all come to pass quickly for you. Look to see what you can learn from all of this so you can help someone else in the future.
God Bless.
J.