Sometimes I Feel like I Am a Bad Mom.....

Ok I have a great book that may help you. I have learned to have a lot more patience and put things in a different view. I like the tactics and it has a great way of putting things. It is called Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility, by Foster W. Cline, Jim Fay. My copy has an orange cover and I will double check tonight so you get the right book. It is more about decisions and less about the yelling (it really does no good to you all) Check it out, what do you have to loose! Let me know if you like it!

Good Luck!

I know how you feel. My almost 4-yr-old does this. They will "test your/their limits" probably until they leave the house. I think being patient, praying and lots of love are key. I think it is really hard for us (especially dads) to get down on our knees and be at their level and talk through whatever the issue us. (the toys, dogs, bed are probably not the real issue... it might be attention or anger at something else completely) Hold his face, hug him. Many things are going to be attention-getting schemes. Don't let the negative be rewarded, just positive (constantly complementing good behavior) although this is hard and sometimes you feel silly. When I am frustrated and yelling, or on the verge of yelling, I get down on my knees. It's hard to yell that close, easier when you are towering over him. Show him the same respect you expect from him, and he will start to learn. As far as getting out of bed, we (fortunately) have never had that issue... knock on wood!
After yelling, we also find it is important to tell him we do not like yelling at him, or getting upset with him and that it makes us very sad. We humble ourselves even in these situations and apoligize to him, showing by example that he cannot treat us disrespectfully, and we should not disrespect him either. Hope this helps!!

I know how you feel- I find myself yelling at my 3 girls. Sometimes I yell so hard my throat hurts. It is an awful feeling.

I find that play dates with friends can really be helpful. They love it and it takes them out of you hair for a while too.

Also- I have several friends doing a reward jar. They have a jar and for good behavior they fill it with beans or macaroni and for bad behavior they take them out. When the jar is full they get a reward- something they like either McDonalds or a toy from the $$ store or something of that nature. I haven't tried it myself but they sware by it.

I hope this helps. :)

i totally know how you feel. i hate myself when i yell at my kids. but i'll tell you one thing. i have 3 kids: girl, boy, girl and the girls are so sweet and gentle but that little guy in the middle goes around breaking stuff, he's up on top of the fridge throwing stuff down, takes off with the shopping cart in the store, i could go on and on. i mean i know not all girls are one way and all boys are another but some boys really are just boys. the best thing i've found that controls him is to not try to control him. i get him outside on his bike, the trampoline, take him to the pool, anything that keeps him moving and wears him out! good luck!

Hi C.,
There was a time that I felt exactly like you do with my two boys. We were yelling all the time. I am happy to say that things are definitely getting better. I can't speak for girls, but what I have seen is that boys have a very hard time growing up. I have found that if I respond to them with more compassion and try to talk things out, the acting out has become so much less. Approaching things with humor helps a ton. I have used some Love and Logic techniques and have worked on keeping things positive. Reward the positive and give strong consequences for the negative without reinforcing the negative. Now that my boys are 9 and 13, we are experiencing more and more peace around the house. We are having more fun because we have focused more on the positive. Good luck!

All of us get overwhelmed and frustrated and yell. I am a yeller myself. It is totally natural. I think the best way to refocus is to go out with some friends. Your feelings need to be validated. We all want validation! Even your little boy needs it. I could tell you stories of mine. But it would take up alot of typing but just listen to your own advice. You said, maybe I am not spending enough time with him." Maybe you could schedule in time with him for you and your husband with him just one on one. I think it might help! Listen to him. Maybe he has stresses as a child too and can't seem to know how to talk about it just like you are feeling. Maybe he can open up and talk and you have support from all of us moms. We have been there done that and have kids too. Hang in there. From my own kids I know that when I have a schedule (even play time for us scheduled) he is happier and structure really helps them feel safe and happier. So there isn't as much yelling from me and they are happier kids. Just give yourself a break. We all need them! I call them time outs for moms.
M.

I agree with Jennifer S. Love and Logic is a great resource...I don't use all of the tactics in it but I love having my daughter choose her own consiquences and never talking about things when I am upset. I say we will talk about this tomorrow, I am going to want you to think of some consiquences we can discuss for these actions. and for the record...you're not a bad mom, if you were you wouldn't even think twice about yelling at your kid.