My husband was transfered far from his family for work,but when he had just gone there, he used to call us everyday, infact he wouldn't go to bed without calling.
But nowhe nolonger calls to know how his children are unless i call him and when ask him why he doesnt call,he says i over complain and i think about myself only. What should i do? im worried. Icant move in because iwork and the little i earn also helps the family
Are you complaining when he calls or are you letting him know all the good stuff he's missing out on by working out of town and away from family?
He's probably already stressed by not being home, so you shouldnt add to it. Give him the silent treatment until he calls you this next time, and then only tell him that you all miss him and talk about the good things that are going on.
When you have asked your husband about not calling, he says that you complain too much and think only of yourself. That's why he is reluctant to call you. It is not a pleasant conversation, so he is putting you off. I know that being a mom and having a job and no spouse at home to help is a lot to handle, but you may be dumping on him when you speak on the phone. Try to change up your phone conservation - think about something positive you want to share with him so it starts off being a positive conversation- maybe something that may also make him miss home a little, "Little Johnny made a great catch at home plate today or baby Mary got her second tooth in" Also you said "what little I earn" so I assume you do not have a career that keeps you from moving. Could you get a job in the new location? What else keeps you from moving? Think about moving to your husband's location (if it is a permanent move) and getting your family back together. Good luck!
Is this short term or long term situation? How long will the two of you be separated from each other. If you make only a little, perhaps you need to make arrangements to visit for the purpose of finding a job there.
No one wants to talk to anyone that complains, especially men. Try being more positive and upbeat and then plan on moving there sooner than later or talk with him about perhaps coming back to where you and the kids are. I would really just pack everything up and move to where he is and concentrate on getting the kids in school where he is. Has he choosen living quarters that can accommodate a family or is he living like a single man? That would be the one thing I would be clear on before making any move. Plan out how the two of you are going to live under the same roof but living separately can test even the best of marriages under the best circumstances.
My husband is on the road a lot. We communicate many times during the day. Granted, we are on the phone with each other very often because we are running our company and it takes both of us to manage certain aspects of it.
However, when he is on the road for overnights, he always calls after dinner and says goodnight. We talk about daughter's day and anything else we had not covered during the day.
One thing I do is try to remain upbeat, pump him up and be his cheerleader.
How often does he come home? Is he only gone during the week and returning on the weekend? A system needs to be put in place where you work together in keeping connected. If the move took him within driving distance, ask him come home EVERY weekend. If farther, work on getting plane tickets during sales and purchase two per month so you can see each other twice monthly. Get a webcam. Very reasonable or if your laptop has "Skype" try that every night. If you do not stay connected, regardless of how close you used to be, you WILL drift apart. Those children need to know that even though Daddy is not there every night, he is available. Try to have him COMMIT to every other day if daily is too much for him. The kids will love to see Daddy before bed and maybe he can even read a short story to them. Best of luck to you and your kids!
My advice would be to make plans to be with your husband. What little money you make to help the family, you can make where he is. Unless you know for sure that his transfer is only for a short period of time and not worth the hassle.
This is not an ideal marital situation. It is already making you uncomfortable. Plus your children need their dad. You aren't divorced so why should they be subjected to living like you are.
Hello!
Sorry you are going through this.
You didn't say why he was transferred - is this work related or family related?
I tell my husband that I EXPECT a call every night at X time to say good night to the kids. They are his kids too after all and they need to have a relationship with their father.
Why can't you and the kids move with him?
Why didn't you and the kids go with him? You didn't make the move clear.
I would also be angry if hubby said he wont call because I over complain. I wouldn't have a sweet response either. I think that is ignorant to say to your spouse. There is a way to talk to people. When my husband gets irritated about me complaining he will gently say so and I know to back off or he will get mad. I don't blame him but I do have a problem with him saying he wont call to say goodnight to you and your kids becasue you complain.
You need to talk to him and see why he made that comment and what is going on.
I'll be gentle here: GIT YER BUTT OUT THERE WITH HIM! I don't know how much you make that 'helps the family', but keeping 2 homes is VERY expensive, duplicating rent/house payments, utilities, taxes/insurances... no matter how much you make, unless you are the main bread winner, I could almost guarantee you are spending more living apart than you are making in your job.
Is there another real reason you didn't go with him? Is your extended family where he moved away from? Choosing family over husband is a sure fire way to end in divorce.
Please share more info.. you'll get better suggestions :) Good luck! Now go pack!
Some more information would be helpful. How long has he been gone? If he was transferred that implies this is a permanent move and he will not be returning home? How far away is he, a few hours drive or a plane flight? How often do you see him?
I too would be worried about why he wasn't calling every night like he used to. However, if he feels that when you call that you are complaining, try talking about something different. Ask him about his job? Tell him what's happening back home. Tell him you miss him.
You say the little you earn helps the family. Is the little you earn covering the expenses of him living away from you under a separate roof, paying additional utilities, etc. What about the emotional cost for each of you and your children?
You don't mention your current living situation. Do you own a home, rent? Are you locked into a lease?
What should you do? Sit down with hubby and have a long discussion about the needs and goals of each of you and how they affect the entire family. Have all your financial information in order and see what you can do about being together.
You know your spouse better than anyone, so you must look inside your heart and decide if you trust him or not. If you honestly do not, then you need to figure out why and talk to him about that. I would pray about it, ask God for guidance, and really try to be understanding in the mean time. Unfortunately trust is such an issue I have seen it destroy relationships when there really was nothing happening. Best of Luck.
