SOLVED QUESTIONS: 6Yr Old Loves Dancing but Doesn't Want to Go to Dance Anymore.

One thought is to see if it's just this one recital that's the problem. Give her an out; be her safety net. Tell her she can practice with her class but that she doesn't have to go to the performance if she doesn't want to. See if that improves things. If it does, just tell her teacher the situation. That way, she can continue on with the class and just skip the performance that seems to be worrisome for her. If that doesn't ease her anxiety, then it may be that this just isn't the right class for her.

Awwww I went down her list and I got sad! Those are all very valid reasons! This is coming from someone that was very shy at that age. I always hid behind my Mom's dress. LOL!

If she doesn't want to do the dance I say don''t force her BUT take her to the show. She is ONLY 6 years old. Maybe it's the fear of the unknown. Sure she dances outside for strangers but how many eyes are on her at that time, she is also in control and can stop anytime and she can choose to dance or not.

I'm really not sure what the right answer would be for your daughter as you know her best but that is how I would handle it if it were my 6 year old =-)

Wow M.! Your daughter just turned 6 and she was able to articulate so beautifully those 8 points above in your note? I don't know many adults who can reach inside and get that much truth and understanding about their own feelings! What a magical child!

Everything she has said sounds like simple truth. She's in touch with the fact that she just doesn't care for that particular dance.. something about it is scary... soldiers are stiff.. she may be seeing relationship to soldiers on the TV and the wars being talked about.. she's in touch with her self esteem and concerned about being judged.. it's NOT the swan dance.. so that one seems like it would be THE ONE where she could just envelop herself with pure pleasure if she were the swan.. as she WAS doing before formal classes started.. and just dance the dance because she loves to dance to her own internal music :-)

If you let your daughter know of your feelings (that you don't think she is telling you the REAL reason) <<<how do I get her to tell me what the REAL reason is>>>.. then she may lose the open honest trust she has in being able to share what her real reasons are.. all of those things she said!

Why not ask her if she would like to take a break from "official" dance classes, and just practice at home like she used to: <<<because she would always dance in the aisles when we were at stores or going to a laundry mat or just outside (all this in front of people she knew would be looking at her, it was almost like she was "showing off" that's probably the wrong word to describe it but like I said it was "almost like" either that she was trying to get the children who were watching to join in or say something; idk). She loves Angelina Ballerina and Barbie with all the ballet dancing and has learned through watching these.>>>

Let her return to the pure JOY of expressing herself through dance.. formalizing it may not be what she needs in the moment... just BEING in the energy of the movement of the JOY in her heart may be all she needs.. and then see what happens.

She used to "dance" with abandon, no concerns about which dance, who was judging if she messed up or not, no one taking her picture, etc.. see if she would like to do that again, instead. Kids are VERY spontaneous, so you never know, by the time your work this out she may have a NEW way of expressing herself on the horizon!
hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

My dd is also 6, loves to dance but opted out of dance school. She did not like the repetitive moves of class. It is ok for her not to want to go to dance it does not mean that she will stop loving it. It just seems like she likes doing it her way. Personally I would not drag her to class. These experiences are supposed to be fun and not like pulling teeth.

The purpose of the dance class is for your daughter to have fun. The purpose is not to put on a recital for adults. I would tell your daughter that you want her to have fun and if she does not want to do the recital then that is fine, she can sit in the audience with you. This is sending her a strong message that you are listening to her and respect her feelings. Or, if she just wants to do the swan dance that is fine also. Just go with what she wants. It IS scary to do a recital, even for many adults that love dancing, so it is understandable that she has these feelings. Acknowledge this to her. She might really not like the soldier dance, or she might not be able to articulate EXACTLY to you what bothers her about it, but as others have said, she told you a lot! If she still doesn't want to go to dance after you remove the need to do the recital, then I would take a break for awhile.

One more note, if the teacher won't go along with the plan, then find another teacher. My son is new to his school. He absolutely LOVES music class, but when it came time for the school concert he didn't want to do it. I did not force him, he sat in the audience with me. He likes to know what he is getting into before he does something, so I understand. Next year he probably will do a solo! You might think that you need to push your duaghter to do it even though she is scared, but I disagree. At this age, you need to build her "strength" so that she knows she can conquer things even when she is scared.

Personally, I would just tell her to enjoy class, if she still wants to go, and that she doesn't have to perform if she doesn't want to.

Dancing and being free to express yourself is A LOT different than formal, choreographed dancing. Maybe dance class just isn't what she thought it was going to be.

I see lots of kids this age who try things out and decide it's not for them, or not for them right now.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I think your 6 yr old is doing her best to tell you she doesn't like it. Maybe the 'why' isn't crystal clear, but so what? She doesn't want to do it. What more do you need to know?

I haven't yet read the other answers here.
It seems to me that she loves doing whatever it was she was doing
before the concept of taking a class came up.
When she used to dance, she was free to move however she wanted,
as the mood and impulse struck her.
Now, she finds herself in a place where everyone is expected
to move together, follow the rules, no room for free expression, etc.
Her pleasure in dancing with other people watching was
when she was choreographing her own routines,
in the moment, as seemed right for her.
Now she isn't allowed to express her own delight
but is expected to conform. This isn't what she wanted.
Also, she may feel that she's disappointing you and grandma.
She's conflicted.
Tell her she doesn't need to go to this school any more.
Probably go with her and grandma to see the recital.
See how the soldier dance looks.
Later on, when she's older, expose her to some various kinds of dance opportunities. Probably NOT ballet. Ask me privately and I'll say more about that. But especially the kinds of dance where creativity and freeform movements are encouraged.
Good luck.

Hmmmm, I don't really know how to express this to your child who is only 6, but I MUST've done it with my own kids.

Now that they are older, I frequently say.....

Don't EVER let the thing you DON'T like be the thing that keeps you from doing what you LOVE.

For example I have a jr in hs who is struggling with Trig. It's bringing down his GPA, it could be the reason he DOESN't get into his college of choice for Psychology :(

Also I wonder maybe it's time for you to be less involved. Try just droppin' her off and walkin' away next time. I'll bet when you come back and pick her up she'll be full of how awesome it was, not how much she hates the stupid soldier dance.

:)

My gut feeling is that she is afraid to do the dance in front of an audience for fear she will mess up in front of them. I would start assuring her that its ok to mess up and she isn't alone in her fears. That there are probably lots of girls in her class who fear the same thing. And work from there....

(FYI she sounds just like my daughter. My daughter just started dance this year too. She kept telling people she wanted to be a ballet teacher and well the only way she could be one of those is by taking ballet classes. LOL But she tells me ballet is boring and that she already knew the moves from watching Angelina. So far she is still sticking with it, tho.)