Social Situations

I can only reiterate what others have said, but can tell you the suggestions helped us. My daughter started preschool this year at age 3. She doesn't have social anxiety issues, but she is very shy until she warms up to a situation. For the first 4 days, she cried for 3 of them going to school. Also, she absolutely would not eat snack or join in circle time. And if they had a birthday celebration, she would bring her "treat" home instead of eating it with the group. So I talked to another mom who also had a 3 year old just starting and we met one afternoon at the playground at our school to play. We thought about going to one or the others home, but decided to meet at school because that's where they were having the issues. We started with a one-on-one, then the following week we added another 3 year old and finally a fourth. Now all four of the girls do everything together in class. If one of them doesn't show up, the others are very concerned. And when one is having a hard time with going to or being at school, we remind the girls to look for and play with each other. It has helped a lot. I think you just need to be patient with her. I think you did just the right thing- telling her you were disappointed she didn't tell the truth, you understood she was uncomfortable and she needs to talk to her teacher. I think the best thing you can do with her is keep her in school, help her understand when it's appropriate not to go to school, and talk about the things that make her uncomfortable and ways that she can deal with each situation (such as seek out a friend, talk to her teacher). I had a friend who had a snuggly blanket as a kid that was his comfort. He wasn't big on social situations as he got older and he always carried a piece of that blanket in his pocket and whenever he was uncomfortable he'd put his hand in his pocket and run his blanket around his fingers. That helped him. Good luck.

My advice would be to invite her friends over to your house. It's a place where she feels comfortable and in control and it would make it easier to keep her anxiety in check (she doesn't have to manage being out of place). Don't force her to do something she is not ready for, that won't help. Just take one step at the time, one friend at the time, and it'll be ok.
Once she makes "best friends" with someone she'll feel like she is not facing the world alone and will start to feel more independent.
Good luck!

Sometimes the best thing is to make them stay, if she is not running a fever and does not appear to be physically ill. you may need to talk with her teachers and let them know that Social Anxiety Disorder runs in her family and that they need to be sensitive to her. It could have been something relatively small that made her feel uncomfortable, but you are right you don't want her to miss out on life just because of anxiety. I would let her know that if she is not sick, she needs to stay at school. If she feels uncomfortable with something she needs to go to her teacher and tell her and keep that line of communication open. Hopefully she can adjust well and not have the problems that I am sure her father had and still may suffer from. Some children are more shy than others and need to be treated differently, however anxiety disorder is not necessarily something that is passed on as much as it is a learned behavior and she may have picked up some from her dad. Just keep being patient with her and keep the lines of communication open with her school. It will make everyone's lives better.

I also had this problem as a child and now as an adult. I ahve a hard time meeting people and making friends. My 4 year old son goes to preschool and becaue of other issues I spent the day with him. I did not think he had any of my social issues, but after seeing today. I believe he does. He did not want to answer questions in front of the class, or do the group activties out loud. So I am not sure what to do either. I wish I knew what to tell you. Good Luck