Baby Needs to Fall Asleep in Arms

There was a kid in my preschool class one time that only went to sleep in her Baby Bjorn or on someone's shoulder, according to the family. It took some work, but I got her to start sleeping in her crib at school. It was all about consistency. And not just a routine - a schedule. I put her down for a nap at 10:00 every morning. She cried, but I patted her back, rocked her Pack N Play, and sang to her until she fell asleep. Every day it got a little easier. I didn't pick her back up after I put her down (so she wouldn't learn to cry to get up), but I didn't leave her side either so she wouldn't feel scared or abandoned.

My daughter doesn't really need a schedule and is normally a great sleeper. On the few days when she cries after I put her to bed, I do the same thing. I leave her in her bed, but I don't leave her side until she falls asleep.

Good luck!

My son was the same- no bottle, no thumb, no pacifier... I HIGHLY recommend a Hotsling (you can at least wear him while he falls asleep & get things done. They really do outgrow it. Just keep trying.

Some babies actually have trouble falling asleep because they are overtired! Try earlier.

One thing is if he cries when you put him down- do try to wait 5 minutes... I think I was too quick to get him & he'd fall asleep. Good luck!

I did the same thing with my first child and it was a nightmare because I had another baby when he was 16 months old, so it was especially bad throughout the second half of my pregnancy. I hated the cry-it-out, too but I just had no idea what to do!!! Well, when baby #3 came along, someone bought me THE most incredible book and it changed my life completely. It's called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer..... There is a chapter in the back called accidental parenting, which is basically what I had to turn to since I started off bouncing and holding him until he fell asleep, and this chapter tells you how to correct your mistakes..... You should really get the whole book so you understand it all, but here is the crazy jist of it...

You hold/rock/bounce--whatever "crutch" you want-- but make sure he does not fall asleep. Just do the crutch until he is very sleepy but calm... Then set him down in the crib. Yes, he will scream. So pick him back up. Do the crutch (bounce, rock, whatever) JUST until he calms down, but is not asleep. As soon as he is calm and not crying, put him back in his crib. Yes, he will cry again. Pick him up.... repeat these steps over and over and over and over and over again. The book says the first night you may need to do that up to 100 times, depending on the temperment and age of the child. Mine was a few months old and I had to do it about 30 times the first couple of nights, then it went down to about 10 times for a couple of weeks (sometimes more because my older kids would come in to tell me something just as he was settling down!) While you are in the middle of doing this (especially the first couple of nights) you are going to think that this is insane, that it will never work, that it is a waste of time, that it is taking hours and he will NEVER fall asleep, that this is worse than what you were doing before so why the heck are you putting him and yourself through all of this. But I can tell you that it is an amazing technique and if you are able to stick with it for a couple of weeks (may take a shorter amount of time, but plan on giving it 2 weeks), then you will be so thankful that you did it!!! My 3rd child is an amazing sleeper because I used this method. At the end of a couple of weeks of this method (pick up if he's crying, put back down as soon as he is calm, repeat), he absolutely got it that being put down in the crib means it is time for sleep. He totally got it that I was NOT abandoning him because if he truly was upset he could just cry and I'd be literally right there for him. Plan on being exhausted. But I'm here to tell ya based on experience from my own first born and horror stories from friends, that if you do not teach them how to fall asleep without you in the first year, it gets WAYYYY harder when they are toddlers!!

You are not alone. My son used to do this. I would not do cry it out either. My son did not start consistently falling asleep by himself until he was almost 19 months old. Even with that said, I still have no regrets about not doing the cry it out method. I probably did the bounce/walk and nursing method you are doing until he was about 9 months old. Later, I just nursed him and would try lying him down awake/rubbing his back to sleep etc. I did not leave him to cry but sometimes, I would let him cry for just a minute or so while I tried to soothe him by saying shh and rubbing his back. I picked him up to calm as often as I needed too. Eventually (months) I could lay him down and rub his back and he was very relaxed and never cried and I would pat his back to sleep. Then after we got to this point, I nursed him, laid him down awake, rubbed his back for a little while and left his room. I returned as soon as he fussed and started rubbing his back again. Eventually, I was able to just nurse/cuddle him for about 15-20 minutes or so, lay him down, say good night and leave. He started to sleep on his own when he was ready. Many of my friends did the cry it out and think I am crazy for not doing it. Yes, their children were sleeping by themselves a year + before mine...but that is a decision you need to make for yourself. You need to be comfortable with your approach and I am comfortable with the gentler, yet longer approach. Good luck

Hello Cass,
I can understand your frustrations, but remember he is only 6 months old. Have you thought about setting up his play pen or bed near yours so he can see and touch you before he goes to sleep? Maybe that will help to sooth him for a while until he is read to make the transition into his own room. My son had terrible colic and acid reflux so we had to rock him to sleep for hours every night for almost a whole year. I hated it then, but miss it now. Like all things, this soon will pass with time. I do not agree with the "cry it out" method as it has never worked for me, and in my oppinion its cruel.
Best of luck,
T.

Develop a routine. If you have to rock him in your arms every night then that's what you do. Do it at the same time, and when he is too big, sit in a rocking chair. Remember, there is only a short period of time that your son will want to be held and be that close to you. If you spend 30-60 minutes putting your son to bed (bath, teeth, jammies, books/songs, and rocking) then you aren't doing to bad. A full hour or even 1/2 hour may seem like forever just to put your son to bed, but out of 24 hours, I am sure you can spare just one for this special one-on-one time. Get dad involved too. I nursed my so to sleep for close to 18 months. While doing this I would have my husband empty the dishwasher, dust, sort the laundry, clean the toilet, or something that needed to be done. It was so helpful and so relaxing, I truly enjoyed it. If you are not planning on nursing him to sleep, let dad rock him some nights, and then you will have mom-time. Remember, this "hold-me time" doesn't last long. Enjoy it. Your son will not ask you to live in his dorm room in order to rock him to sleep. Good luck!

the samething has happened to me and now she will only sleep if i nurse her!!!

It's perfectly normal for a 6 month to need you to fall asleep.

Give your child what he needs and you build his security. Let him know that he can trust you to be there. As he gets older that security will grow to independence.

My daughter never took a bottle or a pacifier. Had I been inclined to use CIO, she would have been one of those scream for hours kids too. She still has an intense personality. I used to rock and nurse her to sleep. Can you try a combo of rocking and nursing? It sounds like he really likes motion to fall asleep. Personally, I would just nurse him to sleep every time. At least with nursing, you can lay down with them to do it. If he likes being upright and in arms, an Ergo baby carrier would probably be great for you. They are comfortable because the weight is spread out over 2 shoulders and the baby sits in it facing you. Eventually he will outgrow the need for motion. I would try rocking him to sleep and gradually decreasing the speed and amount of motion. At least with rocking, you can sit down! If he likes side to side motion better, then use an office chair. (Honestly, that's what I used for my daughter though I have a regular glider for my son.)

A good before bed routine like someone mentioned is a good idea too. My son's routine (and I used this with my daughter too) is bath time, pjs, turn on his nightlight, start his white noise and nurse him to sleep in the glider. I find the white noise is a good sleeptime cue. My daughter was a light sleeper and we have two barky dogs so the white noise originated with her. While you're working on night sleep, I'd also work on his day sleep. Make sure he's napping which is probably 2-3 naps at his age. Get him to sleep whatever works best. Another poster is right that good naps help keep them for being overtired and fighting sleep at night.

To answer your question on how it turned out...At 20 months, the nursing/rocking to sleep no longer worked well with my daughter. She took forever to fall asleep and woke up when I transferred her to her crib. So I switched her to a toddler bed. Our routine consisted of bath, pjs, white noise, both of us laying down in her bed, and nursing her to sleep. Then when I weaned her at about 2, we did a routine involving reading books in place of nursing. At 3.5, my husband reads to her and she falls asleep. Usually it takes less than 10 minutes. Sometimes she even tells him she's tired and makes him put her to bed early. So without any CIO, I'd say it worked out pretty well and she obviously doesn't need rocking or nursing to go to sleep. My son is 13 months old. He's not as dependent on nursing. My husband can rock him for like 5 minutes, put him in the crib and he's out. Sometimes I can put him in his crib drowsy and he'll finish falling asleep in his crib. Different kid, same bedtime techniques, but I'll think he'll be consistently falling asleep on hid own sooner than my daughter. I just mention that so you don't fall into the trap of thinking you did something to make him reliant on being held to fall asleep. Some kids (like your son and my daughter) are just more intense and require more help with sleep. In a blink of an eye, they grow so fast. In the grand scheme of things, the time you spend parenting them to sleep is a small portion of the overall time you spend caring for them.

Get the book, "Sleeping Through The Night" By Dr. Jodi Mindell. Your child will eventually become too heavy to walk every night. My son was the same way and my back and neck would hurt and I began to dread night time. It was not enjoyable for either of us. We did try the method in the book when he was 8 months old and it worked. Even if you don't agree w/ her method, there are lots of great tips to use up until they are 10 years old. Good Luck!

hi C.,
i highly recommend a book called "healthy sleep habits, happy child" by weissbluth. it is very informative about baby's sleep patterns, what to expect month by month, and how to get your baby to sleep well through a combo of soothing and consistency.

even if you do not want to follow all the advice in the book, reading it was so illuminating when i had my second because it really educated me. with knowledge is power! once you have knowledge of some basic sleep facts, you can couple that with your gut instinct on what is right. it might be as simple as you are missing his sleep window, keeping him up too long and then he becomes super cranky and can't self soothe.

good luck and don't worry, it will get better.

there is nothing wrong with nursing your son to sleep, it's very soothing and comforting for baby, no wonder they always fall asleep! I nursed my daughter to sleep, it's what she wanted and it's what worked, EVERY time! It does build security for them and trust me, he will learn to fall asleep by himself in time, so you are not fostering any bad habits by doing it. I think my daughter was around 7 or 8 months old when she stopped actually falling asleep at the breast, but would get drousy and I could lay her down awake, and she would fall asleep on her own. She just got used to the routine, we did bath, books, nursing and then bed. Actually she will be 2 next week, and that's still the routine! Enjoy your baby boy, and do what feels right to you! Good luck!

It's unnatural for a baby to fall asleep on its' own right away. We need comforting.
Try new methods, the rocking chair, the swing chair, the lying on the couch or bed while you doze off (of course with barriers to protect your baby)...even if you have to make a bed on the floor...and place him in the crib for a few minutes at a time until he gets comfortable.
Babies can be a lot of work; but I wish you stress-free reactions to all of the changes he (and you) will go through

so far, excellent advice!
do what you have to do, mama!
hold that baby; rock that baby; love that baby!!!

Find the book No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantely and it will help you tremendously!!!! By the way, it's pretty normal for your baby to be nursed or carried to sleep at this age, but the book will help if you want to change that.

I agree with Chrissie P. It does grow into independence. I have proven that to work with my oldest son when he did that at that age.

I had a similar issue with my son (he is now 2 1/2). You are smart to look for a solution now. We waited longer than you are to address the issue and discovered the longer you wait the harder it is to change sleep habits. We read several books and attempted several methods - the one that worked for us was 'The Baby Whisperer' by Tracy Hogg. Our son also screamed for hours with the Ferber method and made himself physically sick. I have other friends who have used the cry it out method very successfully, but it was not an option for us either. Good luck and don't give up :)

This is a bad situation! I can only offer ideas to help as I did have a similar situation with my oldest.

Consider this - how do you hold him when you are putting him to sleep? Is he up right on your shoulder or cradled to the side? If he is upright on your shoulder then if you haven't already tried to put him on his stomach - try it. You could even elevate the matress in his crib so that he is more inverted than flat. If he is cradled, then try laying him on his side (the side that you hold him on) - you can get one of those things that hold him in place on his side and put a little pressure on the tummy and back (this is what ended up working for my son). On top of that, if you hold him firmly when putting him to sleep then try swoddling him tightly. You need to mimic how you hold him.

The only other two pieces of advice I have are to mimic the motion of you walking. You can buy a vibrator that goes under the crib mattress. You may need to invest in a bassinet that rocks side to side.

Again - these are only suggestions as I have no clue what you have tried already. The only other thing I have to mention is, have you talked to the pediatrician about it? Is this screaming something that occurs when you lay him down flat in general? He could have an inner ear thing going that can last forever and never show real signs/symptoms other than uncomfort. It would be worth a shot. You just can't hold him all the time or it will get worse as he gets older!

PS - the crying thing never worked for me either! My son would just get to the point of vomiting!

Awww, poor little guy!! My daughter, (now 7) would need to be rocked, carried etc. Sometimes they say you could put an article of clothing of yours in the crib so he can "smell" or sense he's close to his mama/daddy. I ended up using a swing. We made sure she was snug as a bug, and it rocked her right to sleep. I hope these are some helpful hints for you:0)

First, you are doing great to do what is comforting and nurturing to your child but it's understandable that in time it might get more difficult to keep up. I would definately look into buying or making a really good sling (nothing you can buy at most local stores, but the kind you find on the web or made by someone local). There are local babywearing groups that have periodic meetings where you can see lots of diferent slings, try them out and then be very educated before you invest. A great sling will make it possible to wear your baby in a close and comfy position while keeping it safe and easier on your back and body.

Another good option is laying down with him, somewhere safe like your bed. It may be possible to get him adusted to just being close to you (maybe while nursing) and knowing he isn't going to put down. Most babies do not like to be put down alone to sleep, although many are forced into doing so....it is not by their own choice. I have always held them or laid down next to my kids at sleep time. It's a very loving gesture, brings comfort, security and trust to your loved one.

How about a rocker? Maybe holding him while rocking or rocking and nursing would pacify him if motion is what he needs. Maybe you have tried that already!

I can't fathom why your breastmilk would be inadequate....I've never heard of such a thing actually. If you are healthy and hydrated and food sensitivities for him are not an issue I wouldnt suspect a breastmilk issue. If he is exclusively breastfed, and he is eating on demand (not by any stopwatch or clock-feeding) then he should be getting all the nutrition he needs. If he wants to nurse again before sleeping, I would do so.

I hope you find a solution that works for you....and way to go for not falling into the 'cry-it-out ' traps...it's the easy way out with soooooo many devastating reprocautions that you may not see now, but do affect your child. Your baby deserves better, less old-fashioned parenting :-) Best wishes!!!

Sooo been there, it gets worse as they get older. I hated the cry out method too. I used supernanny.com She has some great parenting advice.

HE IS HUNGRY whatever he is eating doesn't have what he needs, if you are nursing then increase your protien, best grass fed beef, organic eggs( you cannot eat too many eggs- they are a perfect food)
Check Weston Price. comm for more food tips
If he is on formula then that is the problem, most are missing so many nutrients it is a wonder any child can have any brain development at all on what is sold for fromula.
Anyway there is your solution- he is communicating with you the best he can- something is missing.
best, k

I agree with Lindsay! And developing a routine so baby learns how to sleep and knows what to expect is so important! I can't stress that enough. Look at his pattern now. If he's getting to the point he's screaming his head off he's over-tired. You may be missing his cues that he's ready to start the bedtime routine. There were times, once I figured this out, that my son would give me cues and he was in bed by 6:30 pm at that age. And I held mine, and at times, nursed him to sleep but we had a very consistent routine and by the time he was 7 1/2 months old he was going to sleep being held by me and sleeping 10-13 hours a night. It took a solid 6 weeks of the new routine before he got it-nursed, bath, book, bed. I kept the lights in his room low so when we came in from bath the tone was set. I literally did and said the same exact things every night for that 6 weeks so he learned what was going to happen and how to do it. Also, check out Dr. Sears Baby Sleep book.
Also, does baby have a good nap routine during the day? That could be a big part of it too. I found once I got the nap routine in place the nighttime sleep improved greatly. A well rested baby sleeps better at night. He should be napping at least twice a day, if not even a short 3rd cat nap in there.