SO Many People Haven't Rsvped... What to Do?

Updated on June 02, 2011
R.D. asks from Richmond, VA
18 answers

We've had quite a few people who haven't RSVPed to our wedding (whether they're coming or not)... does this really matter if they've told me they're coming? I wanted to keep the RSVP cards forever in a wedding memory box... like my brother and SIL didn't RSVP, but duh, I know they'll be there. Should I call or email the people left? Or... what? We'd really like to have all the RSVP cards for the final head count. What should I do? They have until the 4th, but... what kind of difference is 2 days really going to make?

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So What Happened?

@ Krista: the box thing... everyone who has RSVPed wrote really lovely little notes on their cards, just little things, expressing their love and excitement for us. We didn't ask them to do this, but everybody has so far, and I'd like to save those personal little sentiments before the wedding... and then of course we'll have something for our guests to write their well wishes on AFTER the wedding :)

LOL @ Denise and Teresa, just c'mon and bring yourselves ladies ;)

Featured Answers

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I hate it when people do that.
I ended up calling people to ask because I needed a final headcount by a certain deadline and I couldn't wait any longer while people dillydallied, lost or forgot to send replies.

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R.G.

answers from Atlanta on

since it's people that you are close to, I'd just shoot them an email and maybe even tell them why you would like to have them.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would have a bridesmaid (or two) or your mom start making follow up calls after the 4th. "I'm sure you didn't mean to forget, but we don't have your RSVP." My mom had to call her own brother, who never RSVPd. People seem to think they don't have to.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

First, you would be surprised at how many will coming flooding in this week.

Second, if people have verbally told you that they are coming, then the response card is probably long gone but they did in fact RSVP.

Third, your family may not send the card in b/c they may be doing a "keepsake" for you with it. Seriously, my sister (MOH) didn't send hers in b/c I knew she was coming and she had our entire invitation framed with our wedding picture. Really pretty.

Finally... keeping the response cards in a memory box? I'm not sure the sentiment behind that, especially considering the fact that many people haven't returned them. You might want to consider having blank cards and pens on the seating card table at the reception where you can invite people to leave you messages to read after the wedding. You could also put them around the reception in general to encourage people to do so.

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K.D.

answers from New York on

I would be fine with a polite email reminder if you haven't yet please return your RSVP cards even if you have talked to me.

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

Well, I think the PO lost MY response card, could you send me another one?! tehehe

Yeah, since it's mostly people you're close to, why not just ask them. Say it's ok if you can't find it and I know you already said you're coming, but can you just pop it in the mail if it's laying around on the kitchen counter?

:)

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hmmm...if you email, they won't really have time to physically mail them to you before the wedding.
For the obvious people (like your bro & SIL) just add them to your final count. For the people that you really don't know if they will be there--definitely email or call to help with your final count.
As for the keepsake box--I guess the absence of a card says something as well!? I'd focus on the ones you DID get back with the nice notes on them....don't worry about it too much.
And--I have to say, the PO must have lost mine as well! LOL
De-stress and Best Wishes!

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D.C.

answers from Toledo on

Nobody in my family RSVPs for anything. Ever. It makes me crazy. I have no problem calling them or texting and asking if they're coming. BUT..that's usually just for my kids birthday parties. I don't know about the wedding. Maybe you could send out an email?

I just always assume everyone is coming until they tell me other wise. It's the only way I know how to plan to have enough food.

I will never ever understand why people don't RSVP. It's so dang RUDE!!!

And if you want to keep the cards, keep them! I don't know why anyone would tell you not to. It's not like you're asking to store them at their house or anything ;) I kept a ton of stuff from our wedding. I just put it in one of those clear plastic tubs. I pull it out every once in awhile and look through it. :)

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J.K.

answers from Cleveland on

Arrggg, don't you just love that? You should probably call them to be sure. Some people really do forget to respond, but it sure is annoying! Best wishes for a great marriage.

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D.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

It's inconsiderate. I just called people.

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C.M.

answers from Dallas on

This is my biggest peeves - those non responders. Ugh!!!

I would have your maid of honor call those who haven't RSVP'd & let them know what you plan to do with the cards. I'm sure all will send in knowing they hold sentimental value to you.

Congrats!

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Just all them and say you need a final head count.
Don't berate them for not RSVPing, they may seriousy have lost the invite in a pile on the table under all the homeschool books and haven't found it yet, I just did this, the wedding is in two weeks, I was supposed to RSVP in MAy. I also found the lost Electric bill.
You may get some of the cards after you reminded them. That would be an extra bonus.
Oh and when is it again? You are just down the road from me. :o) I wanna come too.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

I feel for you! Not RSVP'ing drives me insane! How hard is it to mail the self adressed, paid for envelope back? Have your mom or maid of honor call those you haven't heard from and just politely ask. Have them say they need a final head count for your caterer. I love how you're keeping your cards in a memory box. I did that too, and it is SO much fun to look back on them every couple of years. Good luck and best wishes on a beautiful wedding!

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I totally expected to get all those cute little messages on my RSVP's, and the ONLY thing I got, was one scribble from one of the flower girls. sigh

I wanted to save mine too, but wth, they are all blank but for the food choices! LOL

When we were at the point that we HAD to call in the food count, we texted the few stragglers who hadn't responded, that we didn't know whether they were coming or not. We needed to know for the food choices. Don't know if you are doing a sit down, or a buffet/family style meal where the headcount doesn't quite matter as much, but for us, we had to give the exact amount of meals, because that's all they made! If you need to know, like we did, I'd start texting people June 5.

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I would assume about 1/2 of the people are coming that you invited. I know its horrible that people don't rsvp, but they just don't. Do you have someone in the family that you could appoint to call and see if they are coming? Then you don't have to do it and you can get a better idea....gl

m

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B.P.

answers from New York on

I would definetly reach out to your guests, especially family since they may think they are exempt from the rules. Do they live realy close by? I just got my brother's invite and an excited to send back the reply card. To me, it's very rude to not send it back. It keeps things organized and some people do keep the cards. When I got married a guest on my MIL's side not only "lost" the invitation but then told my SIL to tell me to tell my parents she was coming. Maybe it sounded b-chy, but I would not accept that. I told the guest that she had to call my parents personally to RSVP since they were the hosts. It was a formal wedding, not a backyard barbeque. Well, the guest ended up not even giving us a wedding gift. I doubt that will happen to you but yes, they really need to send those cards back.

S.A.

answers from Chicago on

Why can't people just play by the rules?

G.T.

answers from Washington DC on

probably worth it to make a few phone calls/emails so you know.
I'm a bad rsvp'r.... and have received those calls :)

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