So Mad!

It really bothers me when non-custodial parents consider their visitation periods to be so optional. Custodial parents need to be able to make plans too and they don't get to "opt" of their time. Step up and be a parent for crying out loud!

One tip one of my divorced friends lives by is "Don't ever tell the children when a planned visit is coming up so that if he misses it they won't be upset and disappointed." That might make things easier on you too if you know that he won't be disappointing the kids and you won't have to be the messenger to such sucky news.

oooh sad that your ex puts his own life ahead that of his children...it will be his loss and his undoing...he will reap what he sows...

I would be mad...I would be mad for my children as they need their father...too bad he's not thinking straight and has his priorities skewed...

In front of the kids and when the kids ask "where is daddy?" DO NOT bad mouth him or say ANYTHING like "your daddy chose his dick over you" or "he chose a vacation with Suzy instead of time with you."

You don't need to make excuses for him...your oldest is 6, right? i would say "you need to ask Daddy when you see him next."

Keep it Simple - don't be mean or hateful - they WILL see their father's true colors...and love you more for not being a mean and nasty W. in front of them...

You absolutely have the right to be mad. I think they should either be in the kids lives full time (well weekly visits etc.) or just stay out of their lives. It is so very hard for kids to wonder if and when they will see the Dad. I would be mad too. Me I would be on the phone letting him have it but that is just how I am. None of us want them to make it work with someone else because we feel like it must of been us but I look at the ex and say thank God he is with someone else he did me a favor by cheating!!!! Good Luck

You have a right to be mad about anything you want. No one can tell you how to feel.

It probably makes you mad because it is still new, and maybe it bothers you that he has already moved on, and its almost like a slap in the face.

But you need to focus on you and the kids. It's HIS loss that he chooses to skip out on visitation. It isnt your loss. When your kids ask why Dad isnt there, just tell them he is busy but good news, they can spend all the time they want with Mama. Your way better anyways!

Breathe, and think happy thoughts.

Here's a few of the 'reasons' my ex has blown off his kids....

1) He's tired
2) He forgot (yes, really)
3) It's raining and he's waiting for the UPS guy and worried his package may be left in a place where it might get wet.
4) He has too much paperwork to do.
5) He has to get ready for his trip tomorrow (he's a corporate executive who travels extensively)
6) One of the kids has 'a thing' he doesn't feel comfortable taking them too (gymnastics, wrestling, bday party, dance, etc)
7) He doesn't feel good (this means already had a case of beer and can't drive the car).
8) His GF finally has the day off.
9) Wait, they were coming THIS weekend?! I thought it was NEXT weekend.
10) Sun is finally shining and he hasn't been out golfing in WEEKS!

I could go on and on.
It's been almost 5 years now for us. The kids no longer change their plans or ever even actually expect him to show up when he says he will. We roll our eyes collectively when he texts one of them 15 minutes after he was supposed to be here with one of the above reason....

I know it sucks. But we know we can't change him. We know we cannot make him be who we need him to be. They know there's nothing wrong with THEM that their father is so disinterested. Frankly, they'd rather be home anyway.

We choose peace and enjoy what we have together. With him or without him.

HTH.

:)

Yes, you have the right to be mad! I wouldn't say a word to your ex about it, though, except to say that your kids will be sad (or something). He's choosing his girlfriend over his children...that's insulting. He'll reap the consequences of that all on his own. I would be really mad, and insulted personally if I had an ex that was choosing to be with another woman than with our own children. He sounds like a loser.

Hi,

Of course you have a right to be mad!!! You should feel the way you feel--any way is ok! Have you tried: writing down your feelings, beating your pillow with a tennis racket, or screaming into your pillow? All of these things can help rid yourself of the anger. Don't let it boil inside you--let it out in controlled,safe doses where you can grieve through this process well. Try to accept things as they are and not what you WISH they would be. It will be easier to deal with if you accept that. GL!

M

Hun, based on my experience you have every right to be mad about whatever you want. If you need to vent here go for it!

During my divorce it drove me nuts that me ex would put everything above the kids. Then when he was talking to the guardian ad litem he was sooo sad and wanted to be the best father ever!!! Made me want to puke!

It has been four years, our youngest is now ten, he has yet to step up to the plate.

Yes, absolutely, because it sucks. This is typical ex-husband behavior. Men need to get that "itch" scratched (you know what I mean), so they are more likely than women to scratch that itch sooner. We women have to focus on our top priority, our kids; it's just what us moms are bred to do. Get use to behavior from your ex. It gets even stickier because eventually, he's going to have a woman in his life who will play a part in your childrens lives as well. That's when the real fun starts:(

Yes, of course you have a right to be mad!! I'm so sorry that your ex is such a jerk. Didn't you just have a baby??? Why does your husband feel like he should shirk his fathering responsibilities just because he has a new girlfriend?? What a jerk!!

You have a right to be mad, and I am very angry on your behalf. :-) Hang in there, mama! I know you said you can't afford counseling, but is there a support group or something near you for newly divorced moms? Maybe at a church or something? I really hope you are able to find some support, and hopefully the support you find on this website helps.

You have every right to be mad. I totally understand.
Having said that I would love the extra time w/my babies.
"She" now gets his issues and let me tell you those issues resurace.
Look at it this way: you get MORE time w/ your kids (thank God) and you know they are happy, safe and loved.
It's a hidden blessing and don't worry all good things come to an end, not all that is shiny is good, he will get his, the grass is never greener, etc .
Stay happy, stay strong. :)

Don't know if your wife # 1 or wife # 2, either way take heart, your former husband will do the same thing to his next wife and if they have a child or children, he will blow them off too. Once a loser always a loser.

Put you love and energy into your kids. Find some nice adults to hang out with and don't give your former husband or his girlfriend a second thought. They aint worth it!

Blessings....

It's always that other woman isn't it....for some reason it's ok to accept a divorce when the man stays alone, but the moment he finds another person, it escalates because bottom line, now you feel even more rejected. It hurts and you should be mad.

He's an adult and he's making his choices.
It doesn't make it right, but he is the one losing out in the long run.
You're divorced now. You have a right to be mad, but there's not a lot of point in it.
I'm divorced. I've been single for many years and raised two kids by myself.
I got mad over child support. Didn't help me get it. I got mad over all kinds of things, but being mad didn't change any of them.
I realized I needed my energy being a rock for my children.
I think part of the problem lies in the thinking that even though you're divorced, you're still a family. You should be first, your kids should be first. I'm not saying that thinking is wrong because it hurts deep down to realize that things have changed completely.
It's even harder for kids to put things in perspective, but they can still turn out okay even if dad flakes on them. It might not be fair, but they can adapt.
I don't mean that to sound harsh or cold.
If he disappoints his children enough, one day he will perhaps have to answer for that.
Keep your bitterness to yourself. Don't overcompensate for your kids because you feel sorry for them.
I've recommended this book a bunch of times and I think you should pick up a copy.
"My Life Turned Upside Down but I Turned it Rightside Up" by Mary B. Field.

It's a book for kids, but my son's counselor suggested my ex and I both read it and read it WITH our son.
My ex refused to read it because he wasn't the one who wanted the divorce and he wasn't the blame for anyone getting turned upside down.
Unfortunately, cooperation isn't always easy to come by.
I read the book with my son. We talked about it.
There are good tools for these kinds of things.
You might want to consider some counseling just to help you through what may be a bumpy road ahead for the years coming up.

Best wishes.

If all these dead beat dads are so terrible, why do you really even want them in your kids lives? I know there are laws, rules and rights, but why even be upset if the dad doesnt show. If hes that big a loser, I wouldnt want my kids around him at all. I wouldnt bad mouth him to the kids. Id just say I dont know if he is coming or not. Id make my own plans for whatever we want and not even worry about him showing up.
As for you being mad,,yep I bet it makes you mad to know hes off having fun with someone else, doing things you would have liked to do with him. Its not surprising youre mad.

I gave up my weekend with my kids because they don't have an interest in going up north when the fire works at home are so much better to them.