So Disappointed That

I see no problem with reminding them and speaking to them calmly. But if you're going to be overly emotional or guilt them, it'll backfire.

I remind my nearly adult kids. I'd imagine, in years to come, I will call them in advance, "hey my birthday is.....what do you say we all go out to....".

I'm not big on birthdays either, so I really wouldn't be crushed. But if I wanted to spend my birthday with my kids (or with anyone, really), I'd make it happen.

I'm aware that the parenting gig never ends.

:)

Someone wise once said to me: No one can read your mind, and you'll never get what you want if you don't ask for it.

I can completely understand your disappointment, and I would be sad too. But, I would let it go this year because if you didn't tell them in advance that getting a call on your birthday is important to you, they might just be oblivious, and did not realize you wanted this.

Next year, if you want to spend your birthday with your kids, call them a month in advance and ask them to come to dinner on your birthday - it could be at your house, at a restaurant, whatever. If it's really their company that you want for your birthday, then ask for it. Take responsibility for making yourself happy, don't count on others to do it.

My husband has no idea when his mother's birthday is. Remind your children about it. I'm guessing they didn't skip a call just to be mean, they probably just forgot (or maybe they are like my husband and totally oblivious).

YES, you say something to them. You call up and say, "Honey, do you know what Friday was?" When they don't, you say "It was my birthday." Then they will realize it.

I have a terrible time remembering birthdays. So does my mother. She writes them in her calendar up on the wall so that she won't forget.

A lot of people on facebook have their birthday DAY posted (not the year, if they are smart, for privacy purposes) and it tells their facebook friends that it's their birthday. That's one form of reminder. But not everyone checks their facebook every day.

And sometimes other family members need to give them a heads-up. If their dad (your husband) is still around, he can call them up and say "Kids, don't forget now, your mom's birthday is this weekend." If you have sons, it's even harder for them to remember. Some of them would forget their wives' birthdays if she didn't throw out 100 hints for weeks in advance...

Don't fuss and don't cry when you tell them. It's okay to eventually say later in the conversation that it hurt your feelings. When they apologize, don't say "It's okay". Instead, say "Thank you. I was feeling really awful when I didn't hear from anyone."

Do you typically have a good relationship with them? Then just call them/text them/whatever, and say "Guess who just had a birthday on Saturday?" (Hint), and then they will say, "Oh mom, I'm so sorry!" or something like that, and make it up to you.

If you have a bad relationship with them, then your birthday is the least of your problems.

It's just a day. If it means a lot to you that your adult kids remember it, remind them a week ahead of time. That way you won't be disappointed.

And yes, don't guilt them, or as Veruca says, it will backfire.

I am SO bad at remembering dates! One of the best gifts I ever got from my sister-in-law was a calendar at Christmas that had everyone's birthday and anniversary in it. I hung it on my wall and sent out cards at the beginning of each month, it was so convenient and I looked like a rock star. She stopped doing it...and my card performance has slipped once more. I think I am going to ask for that this year! Maybe do that for your kids- put everyone's birthday on it, anniversaries, and anything year-specific, like high school or college graduations, new babies expected, etc. I know I have a million things on my plate, and a one-stop reminder is really helpful.

Approach it sideways.
Make up a chart of all the birthdays/anniversaries in the family.
Call around to each of them for their info (and grand kids).
Be up beat about it - it's kind of a fun family project.
When you have all the data, print it out/make copies and send it out to everyone!
Repeat every few years.

Yes, you have to remind them!!

I really enjoy my birthday, and I start reminding my kids and family about a month before by jokingly telling them how many shopping days they have left. When it's about two weeks away, if nothing has been planned, I invite everybody to dinner and remind them that I don't need any gifts, I just want to be together to celebrate. And we always go where I want to go. After all, it is my day.

Nobody has ever missed my birthday because I won't let them. I have a friend who doesn't remind her family, and then gets all upset and victimized when they don't remember. I would never let that happen because I wouldn't want to feel that way on my birthday.

I think this year you have to let it go. And next year don't be a victim..... start reminding people and make some plans for yourself with them. It's your birthday so have fun with it. And stop expecting others to remember it if you don't make a big deal of it!

I would call "him" and tell him "It's my birthday today and I couldn't
let this special day to me go away without talking to one of the most
special people in my life. I know you would never intentionally not
call me on my birthday, so I'm giving myself a birthday present by
calling you." I have done this. I prefer this over brewing over it.
Good luck.

Yes let them know. I think when we are caregivers and used to doing for others all the time, these things can be very hurtful. I am sure they didn't mean to hurt you! Just absent minded. Let them know!

When birthdays were important to me I reminded others that my birthday was coming up. A few times when I was anxious about a celebration I planned one for others to share with me. We are responsible for our own happiness and should not expect others to know what we want and need.

I suggest you tell your children that you would luke to have a post birthday celebration and plan with them a way to make that happen. Be upbeat, be careful not to criticize or make them feel guilty. Recognize that they have busy lives and probably just forgot. Tell them that you're sad they didn't call and suggest a way they can help you feel better. Make this a win/win fir everyone.

If they usually remember your birthday why are you so upset thus one time? If they usually don't remember your birthday why did you expect them to remember this time? I suggest that more us going on to cause your hurt than just the birthday and that it will help for you to figure out what that is.

As for reminders do you always remember events that may be important to other people but not to you? Do you always know just how to recognize events in ways meaningful to them? You want hugs on the day. Have you told them that in words? I suggest your children love you and did not purposely forget your birthday. I also suggest that they could have different expectations for birthdays than you do. Both my cousin who has lived with me feel that birthdays are no big deal. We rarely remembered each other's birthdays. We know we love each other and don't need someone to remember. Therefore we both were lax in remembering other's birthdays and no one was hurt when we didn't remember.

If my kids were upset with me i would feel bad but I would still forget from time to time. I really aappreciate them reminding me. Then I ask what they would like for their birthday.
If

i'm sorry you were so hurt. i have to say, i'd be a little droopy too.
i doubt i'd break down and bawl at work over it. i guess it depends somewhat on your relationship with your kids most of the time. are they pretty cavalier about your feelings, or are they just bad with dates?
cuz i suck with dates. and i'm pretty meh about birthdays now that i don't have little boys' parties to plan any more. my husband is very good about making me feel pampered on mine, but my boys are very busy young men now, and i don't expect them to remember without a little 'help.'
it wouldn't be the end of the world to say something light like 'you guys owe me a hot fudge sundae! i get extra marshmallow cream cuz you didn't call me on my birthday, you smelly neanderthals.'
but don't go all martyr on 'em.
and yes, if you want something in particular, you DO have to remind them. i'm sure they adore you, but young adults are supposed to be busy and focused on themselves and their careers and lives. they're looking away from you, just as they're supposed to. you can keep the connection alive without making it into a chain to yoink them back.
the best thing to do to forestall all the hurt feelings is to plan in advance. a week before your birthday send out an email saying 'who can make it home next weekend? i'd love a steak dinner for my birthday. and lowes has rosebushes on sale. i could use 2 of the sunset flames, please.'
don't say 'i don't want anything'!
:) khairete
S.

All of your kids forgot? How many do you have? Have they always remembered and acknowledged your birthday before?

I am so sorry that this happened to you. It would hurt my feelings, too.

I feel like with all of the reminders that people can program into their phones and computers, that there's no real excuse to miss someone's birthday, although my 18 year old told me that most people of that age group only keep track of birthdays by checking Facebook and seeing whose birthday it is that day! So if your kiddults are on FB and you're not, maybe you want to set up an account, so they'll get a birthday reminder!

Tell them. Even if they don't get you anything, let them know it hurt and that you wanted them to remember. I think too often we let things slide instead of saying, "This hurt my feelings." You CRIED at work about it. So let them know it hurt you.

One Mother's Day, I didn't get a thing so I pitched a fit to my husband and got what I wanted the next day. However, I did feel like "what the heck - am I not worth anything?" Later that week I was at the therapist office with my youngest daughter (different story) and was telling her about the Mother's Day incident and she told me I need to step up and let the kids and everyone know exactly what I want. She said she told all three of her kids what she expected for her b-day and Mother's Day and now she gets breakfast in bed every Mother's Day and the dinner of her choice every birthday. I guess in the long run a squeaky wheel will get the oil. Now when my birthday is up and coming I make sure everyone knows exactly what I want and I don't let them forget.

Everyone is allowed to cry. Don't worry about being professional. Were you in the middle of an interview or were you being consoled by a friend (if nothing else but for the moment)?

Let it go. The harm was not intentional, just careless. Your children would never do anything to hurt you.

Say something. You teach people how to treat you. If you don't say anything it will be your silent 'ok' that you can be forgotten again at your next birthday.

I always tell my adult son what I want for my birthday, Christmas and at Mothers' Day. It never breaks the bank. I usually request something low cost like: a certain scented candle, a $20 Target gift card, or to accompany me to church. I remind him of it, not that I think he'd forget, but just to have conversation.

They meant nothing by it. But now, you can joke and say that you deserve a bigger gift!

Tell them you are hurt and want a do-over. They will understand and probably feel terrible. They need to celebrate their Mama, no matter how busy they are. Also, maybe they should be sending or giving you cards and gifts so they can plan in advance that there is an important event coming up. You should be acknowledged, even if it's a small item. Your gift to them can be calendars with the family's important dates already written on them. Lol.

I'd let it go then when it's their birthday I'd let their go too. No matter what your normal actions are when it's their birthday simply let it go by. If the notice you didn't even get them a card and ask about it say "Oh, I thought we weren't doing anything for birthdays any more. You didn't even contact me on my birthday and I know you wouldn't forget a day like that so I figured it was time to do away with birthday traditions".

I'm so sorry!! I agree with the others, no guilt, but do say something. Even just a "could we go out to dinner or something to acknowledge my birthday?" (or something similar if they are not in town). If they apologize, which they should, it's ok to say "It totally hurt my feelings- don't do it again!" And then move on.

I have an e-mail reminder service that alerts me to birthdays, and honestly, I've come close to missing some. If it weren't for that, I'd be awful and miss a lot. With busy schedules, it just happens, it has nothing to do with how I feel about the people. I'm sure this is the case with your kids. It doesn't excuse it at all, but it does explain it. You have every right to be disappointed and expect better next year.

And happy belated birthday!!