So Confused About What Is Best

First have his psychologist confirm his diagnosis of high functioning. Too tricky for the school.
If he has high functioning autism that takes presidence over the gifted thing.
His social needs determine his ability to function in life and be happy. No matter how smart he is, he needs people and his ability to interact is paramount.
With that said, I would stay where he goes right now. You have gained a reputation but I think that can be worked out. You need to be tough to go through the ARDS anyway.

Again, you really need a good through work up on the diagnosis. Use this summer to do that.

Hmm this is a tough. I would leave him where he is and see if there is classes that you can bring him to that would be challenging and enriching.

We too, have a simular delima with where to send my little guy for kindergarten. Good luck.

Based on what you've shared here I would keep him where he is. It's familiar, close to home and he gets the behavioral therapy, all very important things to consider. You can always provide enrichment activities yourself, at home, to keep him challenged academically, but you can't provide the guided social group yourself.

Who added autism spectrum, the school or his doctor? I ask because you can get high intelligence and poor social skills from ADHD. I should know, I am ADHD and, well, see that I am calling myself highly intelligent kind of shows the lack of social skills. :) Thing is to me it is a fact, not bragging and I really don't understand why stating a fact is bragging....make sense?

I have four kids, three are straight up ADHD the other one has an added autism spectrum, trust me the difference is palpable!

Here is the reason for my concern. Being ADHD I can study humans and pick up on social cues. They are not intuitive to me but my social skills are functional enough that I can learn, do this people get mad, do this people are happy, say this people are offended, this is what makes up a proper compliment. By being around "normal" people I can pick up enough social cues to appear, normal.

If your son is ADHD it would benefit him more to be around "normal" kids with the social pragmatics. He will learn how to appear "normal". Trust me, learning is so easy it doesn't matter what environment he is in, he will learn. but social skills, those won't be learned in all environments.

Which brings me to gifted programs. They aren't made for kids like this. Even the gifted programs are boring because it is the same stuff but at a higher grade level. Nope, he will do better to have access to the library. My god the information those buildings contain, they are like crack! Can you tell I spent a good part of my childhood in the library? They say kids with ADHD don't like to read, this is untrue, we don't like to read what most people like to read. :)

So I vote for option 1, and I question the diagnosis.

I would stay where you are. He is comfortable at the school, so you won't upset him by changing his environment. He is getting the social skills help that he needs and, overall, the school has accommodated his behavioral challenges so far. You can assume they will continue to do so. He will make friends that will be with him all the way until he graduates from high school, plus, they will live in your neighborhood. If you go to a school far away, none of those kids will live nearby, so setting up play dates or going to birthday parties (if your son is interested in being social with his peers) is going to be much more difficult.

You don't sound very enthusiastic about either of the other schools or their programs. I don't think moving is going to be best for your son, or for you.

Our son has a unique personality (although very different from your son) and is in the Gifted (GATE) program. He has a difficult personality and from what I read this goes hand in hand with many gifted kids. Many gifted kids have some of the symptoms of ADHD, SPD, ODD, and have behavioral issues. There are books and papers on this that you should look up. It made me feel better to read about this anyway. The Gifted program at his school means he is pulled out of the classroom at a specific time 3 days a week and he and other kids go to a different classroom and do some different work with their GATE teacher for an hour. This is his FAVORITE thing about school by far. Those days he is so happy and he really looks forward to it. I was worried it would be extra work too, but that's not really the case. They do things my son is very very interested in and he really enjoys it and is proud of his work in that classroom. It really engages him. If it were me I would look into a public school with a gifted program. Our school creates an IEP for your gifted child and they will provide services for other issues they have as well (for example if they are ADHD they will work with you on this to find the best solutions for your child). So, maybe try to find out more information about Option 2. For socializing...if he has aspergers this will be something he needs to work on his whole life. It is important to have other kids over every week for playdates and to sign your son up for activities so he is interacting with other kids as much as possible. Teach him the correct way to talk to his peers, how to greet people and say goodbye, how to handle certain situations. When my son was your son's age (he is 9 now) I would go over actual scenarios with him and we'd practice what to say. We would talk a lot about how others feel and to think about their feelings. Nothing too big/long...just little things. How to treat others and be polite. I'd praise him later when I saw him interact correctly/politely with his friends. I'm sorry your school does not have a gifted program...that is such a bummer. If you decide to keep him in his current school (which would be better for him socially as he moves on to middle school) then you should work with him at home. Maybe next year look into the Kahn Academy online...it is amazing. My son loves it and this year has learned a lot of computer programing through it. Kahn Academy is free and teaches a lot of different subjects. There are other great online programs for gifted kids too. Or maybe you could hire your own private "gifted tutor" to come twice a week and work with your son. Good luck.

Go visit each school. Ask a ton of questions. Talk with other parents. If the other programs will not allow you to do so, then stay far away from them!

My gut feeling is to leave your child right where he is. He's young and it seems like nothing is "certain" right now. He may have Asperger's, he may not. He may have ADHD, he may not. The school knows him and he is familiar. He will be working on his pragmatics with students he will be learning alongside for many years to come.

While I'm all for targeted interventions, it sounds as though his "home school" is able to provide those interventions while allowing him to remain part of his neighborhood community.

Without know your son, it's really hard to make specific recommendations.

Based on my limited knowledge of Aspergers, I would keep him in his current situation and try out the IEP for next year. The other two schools are further away, thus requiring him to travel further, you are not 100% they would be better than his current school and they do not feed into the middle school. This, for me, would be a no brainer.

Please pick up the book -living with intensity- Basically it states that gifted kids are being misdiagnosed with disorders--like ADHD-- when they are natural parts of giftedness.

A.:

Your son is unique. Not "very" unique....sorry for the quibble. But to say that something is UNIQUE - means "one of a kind". So nothing can be "very one of a kind".

Does your son snore? If he doesn't get to REM sleep - that causes hyper activity as well.

Now on to school. You don't want your son labeled. You want to ensure he is getting the best possible education given his circumstances. Meet with each school, visit their programs. TALK with the teachers and leaders. See what they can recommend. Maybe have your son visit the school....see how he "meshes" with the teachers...

You might want to talk to one of the other mom's on here...she has a son with high functioning autism. She would be a GREAT wealth of information!!

I would leave him where he is. He is only in Kindergarten. I would not worry about middle school now. Heck with my daughter, I just wanted to get thru the day! The principal is your friend and really help in a lot of ways. My suggestion is do not tick her off. I had an incredible working relationship with all school e players when I navigated the special Ed system. I never asked for anything above what my child was entitled too. There were people who wanted private schools etc. be reasonable and have intelligent calm discussions. Nothing is in stone. Was he officially diagnosed with Aspergers or is it something you think he might be. That can change things. School is not going to provide different services because of what you think.

I think, if I were you, I would try to get to know a couple of parents from each school and ask them what they think of their child's experience.

I haven't faced what you are facing, but I had a dilemma about sending my son to kindergarten or red shirting him. I talked to lots and lots of parents about what they decided to do, what their experience has been, how they feel about it upon reflection. Wow, did that make me feel better and better about our decision. It was ultimately about our child and what we thought was best for him, but really listening to what other parents had to say helped me understand the many factors at play.

Also, you say you have concerns about the programs at these other schools. Is this a general concern, or have you looked into them and found things to concern you? Again, talking to parents whose children are in these programs could prove to be very, very helpful.

Good luck!!! This does not sound like an easy situation at all, but if you take some time (don't feel rushed) I'm sure you'll do what's best for your baby.

Hi! I too have a son that was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD, several processing disorders and on top that dyslexia. So to say the least I can completely understand the whirlwind you and your family are going thru. I too had him in a public school and did an IEP thru the public school (after months of pushing it) but also paid to have a private IEP done as well. I did end up moving schools for him only because I found that our public school system did not have the appropriate accommodations and he was actually losing self esteem! Which was sooo hard to see! The school was pushing medication (s) and after looking up what the medication actually was it was just not an option for us. This is when I, as a chiropractor, started researching and going to seminar after seminar regarding these sorts of challenges and found out a different approach. I already knew that the only way a person can have an optimal quality of life is if there is NO interference on the nervous system. For example, if you are trying to order a pizza with no anchovies from your cell phone that only has two bars instead of five bars you may end up with anchovies because of the disruption in the communication line.
So I as I started taking care of my son and the patients in my office with these same issues I began to found similarities in their neurology. And although, I was already taking him to OT, PT and a few other professionals, once I started clearing up the disruption on his nervous system he and my other pediatric patients started skyrocketing! Having disruption on a child's nervous system is the one major challenge that is affecting our kids that is not being addressed! In my town I have a major mission and purpose to share this message to get the WHY did this happen to MY kid and how do we increase their QUALITY of life answered! I'm not sure where you are, I'm in LA, but I can absolutely help find a pediatric chiropractor in your area.
Let me know if I can answer any further questions!

4. Take him out of school. You have him medication (at 5 years old) so he'll fit in a school mold. You are struggling to set up programs that will reach him and help him reach his full potential - you are struggling because school programs exist to make kids fit into a school mold, not for kids to develop to their full potential. He is smart, engaged, and you say gifted, the best way to keep him that way? Don't buy into the "schools know best" mentality. Look at your child and really DECIDE what's best for him - don't get dragged along the school route just because that's what everybody does. Google unschooling and start reading. There is a wealth of information online and you have more freedom than you may be conditioned to believe.

You don't sound fond of the second two further away options since you know you want him in your middle school. Also, you can't take those seriously without knowing exactly what their advanced level programs consist of. Find out specifically if the programs are just busy work. If so, then problem solved and don't give it another thought. If they are teaching advanced material, then you can keep considering and find out more about how the handle special needs behavior. Research gifted curriculums. Know what your child should be covering, and then find out if they cover it. That's true for any child. My daughter is extremely advanced and we are homeschooling because I researched the local school and knew for a FACT the curriculum was much too remedial, and there are no gifted options here before high school. There are lots of resources available to let you know what advanced studies are like. The Well Trained Mind has great material references for these grades you can supplement at home or measure against the school. Know what you need, and see if they have it, then you can decide. The behavior will be an issue anywhere and may improve with treatment and discipline and age. I would put academics front and center, not center the school choice around behavior support personally. If he's advanced, putting him in classes that won't build his knowledge is always the wrong move.

After reading what you wrote, and reading most of the other answers, I have to say that I disagree. I am a middle school teacher and I have seen a lot of kids who are ASD and Gifted. In fact, I had one whole class of 30 kids that way one time. I also did my student teaching at a school that focused on Advanced Math and Science in high school. It was not limited to Special Ed, but I am not sure there was more than 10 kids in the whole school who were not on an IEP or 504. So, teachers who specialize in Gifted students should expect and be used to other behavioral issues as well.

So, if you have found a program that will help him socially and keep him interested and not bored, when its easier for behavior issues to act up, I would run at the chance for my kid to go there! If you can verify that the 2nd school can give him what he needs socially, then that is where I would send him.The fact that he won't be intellectually ahead of everyone else will help set him up for success because he will be too busy to act out as much.

I hope this just gives you a different perspective from the other side!