So Attached to ME

My 5 yr old is up my butt constantly too. I can't even go to the bathroom without him laying on the ground talking to me through the crack! He's my little snugglebug, but it really helped when dad became the primary caregiver over the summer. They spent all summer together and made up thier own liitle games, went to the park, wrestled, it was great. Now dad is working all the time again, but my son jupms all over him when he sees him. I get a real break when dad is around because they want to be with him. My suggestion is to not give him a choice. He has to go with dad. There has to be some seperation between you two. My husband and I trade kids. Some days he take my girl and I take my boy and other days we switch. Eveybody knows this so there is never any arguing.

Updated

My 5 yr old is up my butt constantly too. I can't even go to the bathroom without him laying on the ground talking to me through the crack! He's my little snugglebug, but it really helped when dad became the primary caregiver over the summer. They spent all summer together and made up thier own liitle games, went to the park, wrestled, it was great. Now dad is working all the time again, but my son jupms all over him when he sees him. I get a real break when dad is around because they want to be with him. My suggestion is to not give him a choice. He has to go with dad. There has to be some seperation between you two. My husband and I trade kids. Some days he take my girl and I take my boy and other days we switch. Eveybody knows this so there is never any arguing.

I don't mean to sound rude, but your "but if I don't go neither will he" speaks volumes. Tell him he is going hiking with dad and that you will see them when they get home. Dad might be in for a time of it or your son might realize that spending time away from mom is fun. Either way, you have set the president that son isn't always going to be with mom and that is ok. If he stays in the room with you and you would rather he didn't, then remove him from the room and don't let him return. You are the parent. It is ok to tell the child no. Best of luck.

Hi L.,

You have received a lot of responses from the approach of taking a firmer hand in parenting him to do as you ask, and from those who walked your same path of a child attached - those suggestions have a lot of merit and I would try that first. But I'd also like to suggest that perhaps there may be sensory situation working with him - I have seen this kind of clinginess with children before who were later diagnosed with sensory integration disorder and once they finished their therapy with that, the issues of clinginess really changed a lot. So, if all of the efforts to be firm don't seem to help, you may want to look into that potentiality.
Hope this helps!

Perhaps it might be time for "a mommy meeting." Once a year, I go away for a long weekend with girlfriends, and my kids get to hang with my husband. If not a long weekend with girlfriends, perhaps you could go spend the night (even if it's just one) at a friend's, sister's, mom's house, or even a local motel. . . you, a quiet room (that you aren't required to clean), your favorite book. . . .

You should enjoy some -me time-, and give your son the opportunity to discover how much fun Daddy can be.

Awww...just kind've breaks your heart a little bit, doesn't it? Your poor husband.

My oldest was like this, really, until her sister was born. Then she had to spend a week home with Daddy while Mommy/baby were in the hospital, and that was it. Now, she STILL wants me to go everywhere, but if I can't, she's happy to go with Daddy because now she realizes she'd miss out on a lot of fun if she just sits at home with me when I can't go.

I hate to say try bribing him, but I used to do a little of that to get her to go out with Daddy, etc, and she'd inevitably always have fun anyhow. He will outgrow it...just maybe a little slower than you'd like.

Your kids, will be fine... when out with your Husband.
Sure they will miss you, but they will be fine.
Have your Husband take them out. Do something FUN.

My kids are attached to me too.
But they know that there is "Mommy time" too... and that is when my Husband takes them out. He does FUN things with them.
My 5 year old son will say "I'LL MISS YOU MOMMY..... " and hug me like a crab on a rock. But still, he will go out... with my Husband. And I tell him to go... its fine... Mommy is busy.
He goes. He's fine. He comes home and says "Mommy I MISSED you..." but he is fine.

They just have to get used to, doing things with your Husband... whether at home or outside the home.
Try to encourage... that.
Talk to your son.... but in a way so that he does not feel you are ignoring him. Tell him, everyone has their own time together.

Is your 5 year old in school? If not, he probably will benefit from it... and you too. So that he gets used to, being self-reliant.

Your eldest is 5. You can talk to him.... so that he feels comforted and secure. But that, everyone has things to do.

You are so much more patient and kinder than I am ;) When my son was born, my middle child was UP. MY. BUTT. CONSTANTLY. I'd tell her that I love her and she's still my cuddly bug and having a baby won't change that... but she was either climbing all over me for my attention, or lashing out at me, mad about it. Holy bipolar batman!! (my eldest child was totally indifferent and adjusted overnight, LOL)... anyway, I finally called her guidance counselor at school and asked for help. She sat my daughter down and they talked about feelings, and her new role as a big sister, AND her current role as a little sister to her older sister. L., the child changed overnight!! She still HAS to sit right next to me on the couch, and loves nothing more than holding my hand and snuggling up to me, but it's tolerable, for both of us. Her feelings aren't hurt, and I'm not being smothered; it really helped a LOT!! Best wishes :)

stop encouraging the behavior for starters. secondly, send your child with his father. I dont understand that one at all, why are you letting a 5 year old run the house? you simply say, "you are going outside to spend time with daddy" period, point blank, end of discussion. If you need to get things done, put your child in another room doing another activity, put up gates if needed. but nothing is going to happen if you keep acting the same and letting your child be like that. be firm, be the parent!

I would encourage you to show your faith in his dad being fun and capable in front of your son. If you're jumping in to help and different things like this, he will sense this but if you make a very little deal out of it and say lots of positive things about dad and his parenting your little guy may pick up on that. I think you're best way to overcome it is to force situations where your son and his dad are together and dad is in charge of all of the care giving. Your son will grow to love this time with dad too!

This sounds like a tough situation though - one that I haven't been through yet! These were just my first thoughts....good luck!

Is this a new behavior? If it is it could just be separation anxiety which is really common around 4-5, and it will pass. If it's not then I would really encourage 1:1 time between your son and Dad. Kids go through phases where they want to be with mom more than Dad and vice versa. I wouldn't let it run your life, and getting to the root of his clingy-ness to you will help everyone get through it. Don't fret...

There was an excellent nanny 911 episode about this very thing! If you cannot find that one. I suggest taking them to a Mom's day out program for a couple days a week. Start with one day a week for a few hours then bump it up to a couple times a week for a few hours. After a month or two depending on how your child is adjusting to the two days. Send him all day! Or better yet ask the care providers what they suggest. You can also send him to a family memeber or close friend for alone time. Tell your hubby when you leave to clap and say OK now its just US! I know how much that whinning and fussing drives us nuts when putting little ones to bed and how easy it is just to lay down and sleep with them. But dont its not good for him or for us. I would sit on his bed for fifteen mins and rub or pat his back. Then when he asks you to lay down tell him no . read him a book and after his fifteen mins leave. if he gets out of bed put him back. I hope you can find that nanny 911 episode...the mom would sleep with the kids and the baby would sleep all night in the parents room. it wasnt so good for the family. sorry your little man is so attached. its nice when its enjoyable and sweet but when they go over board with the attachment it becomes a issue!

I don't see anywhere where you say that you've put your foot down. They need one on one time with dad, plain & simple. It's not okay for a child to cheer when his dad leaves the house, it's disrespectful, and you need to tell your older child so. Time for some tough love, IMO.

My granddaughter went through a stage of being this clingy with me! Then she went to school and made other friends and had new activites. Now I have to work to carve out a bit of time for me!