Smart-Mouth On Teenage Boy!

One way to extinguish undesirable behavior is to consistently and totally ignore it. I learned this in a parenting class when I was a foster mother.
You do have to always ignore his tone of voice. Answer him as if his tone of voice had been more reasonable. I'd give that a try.

Or you could not respond at all when his voice is disrespectful. You've told him you don't approve. Tell him you'll only answer him, acknowledge his presence, when he's respectful. Otherwise you just won't "hear" him. He'll wonder what's going on. lol might even shock him to stop immediately but it's more likely to take a period of time.

As to correcting and being condescending to his brother I would have a definite consequence that happens every time he's does this. He is not to be in charge of his brother. Be consistent with the same consequence. Make it apply to the behavior. Immediately separate him from his brother. I suggest sending him to his room until he's able to come out and apologize to his brother.

Tell him you're going to do this and then do it every time. It will take awhile for him to get the message he has to go to his room. Stare him down. Do not move until he moves to his room. Be calm, unemotional, direct and firm. Do not get into a battle of words. Just stand there and wait.

Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and ? would be helpful.

Smart mouth or "that tone" need to be treated just like you did with whining.

You say, I cannot understand you when you speak in that tone. I need you to say that again without that tone.

If you do not have anything nice to say, go and talk to yourself in your room.

We do not want o hear your tone, takeit upstairs.

Go to your room and find a new attitude.

I can tell you are frustrated..

Sounds like you are tired..

Sounds like you are not in a very good mood.

I can only treat you as an adult, when you act and speak like one.

Just pick one of these answers per event..

Sounds EXACTLY like what my mom said I did as a precocious teenager. My eldest gets smart, too. I second the suggestion to keep doing what you're doing, particularly the chores. For every time he uses a tone you don't like, I would calmly ask him to restate his comment using a POLITE TONE. Then, equally calmly, tell him what his next icky chore will be. Cleaning the linen closet, cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing baseboards, pulling weeds, alphabetizing CDs, DVDs or books...you get the picture. Unless he's seriously in to no life and exceedingly boring chores, he'll catch on. It took my son about two weeks of chores and four years of reminders, but I think he's caught on. The condescending only comes out when he's tired or frustrated with something.

I've taught 7-12 for 19 years now and it's all teens. I honestly believe that they cannot hear themselves and need us to calmly tell them how they do sound and then have them practice saying it right. The, "I did NOT say it that way!" or "I didn't mean it that way" carries no weight because it's all in the ear of the listener. Teens HAVE to learn this. I often ask my students, "What would your boss do if you spoke to him/her like that?" The response, "I'd get fired!" Yep, sure will. Get over yourself now!

It's a process. Keep at it. It will pay off in time.

Good luck!

If it has mostly to do with his brother I would separate them? Has your older son been allowed to have his own life? By that I mean participate in things without his brother tagging along, be in extra curricular activities of his choosing, establish friends of his own? If not, now is a great time to get him involved in something that is JUST HIS.

If he's bright, straight A and this is his trouble.... this is not a battle I would "constantly correct". I would try to change his behavior another way. If he doesn't want to do activities, maybe get him involved volunteering or help him get a "job" - mowing lawns, helping clean out neighborhood garages etc to give him some self confidence.

Good Luck.

There may be something going on at school or within the family unit that is stressing him. If you can still kind of tuck him in at night, when it's dark and quiet, he may open up.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Also find what really makes him hurt. For our son grounding him means nothing. Send him to his room and he just takes a nap. Now.....make him do extra chores and he's ready to cry uncle. What are the things that will upset him the most if you apply them as consequences? And each time he repeats the behavior, lengthen the consequence time. "Ok, you lost your cell phone for the evening and that didn't work, so let's try this evening and tomorrow as well. "

I, also, am currious what other people have to say

He's a Teenager.

If you can, get the October 2011 issue of the "National Geographic" magazine. This issue, is all about the "Teenager Brain" and their development and behaviors and why.
I have it. It is very enlightening... about how to approach teens. Per their, brain development and perceptions.

Next: something I do with my kids when they are smarty-pants/mouths. I simply tell them "Mommy... will NOT help you/listen to you/cooperate with you... when you act like that." I tell them they know better. We are family. Then I WALK away. I do not, nag them or plead punishments.
They, rescind, their behavior and smart mouths.

Make your son, DO CHORES around the house. It is to learn how to be a PART... of the FAMILY. IF he wants to be a part of the family and its fun.... then he needs to learn, responsibility. Not "entitlement" about it.
It is life.

OR, try video taping him when he is like that and play it back for him.
Then he can see HIMSELF... and all his glory, and how it looks, when he is like that.
I bet he won't like it. He may feel like a real clod... after that and then act, reasonable. And more, mature.

He is like that with his younger sibling, because it is someone he can 'boss.'

Great answers so far. Consistancy. Calm. Chores.

Also, don't forget to praise him when he DOES speak particularly kind to his brother. Let him know, 'this is the type of considerate tone we are looking for.' And thank him. Let him know that when he speaks to you or his brother that way, it belittles you. And you don't take down family members. You lift them up.

Keep doing everything that you're doing. Stay consistent and on top of it. My son was like this too and it got better. Good luck and hang in there!

I am waiting for your answers cuz we are having the same problem with our 8 year old.