Sleeping Problems

Sleeping in cribs has always been a problem with my 3 girls. Here are a few things and some pediatrician suggested ideas that have worked for us. First of all, put your baby in the bed before she's asleep and let her get used to the bed awake. Put her in there when you can so she thinks of it as a nice place. I know you work full time but put her in there when your putting away her clothes or cleaning her room for a bit. Also try putting something that smells like you in the crib. My other suggestion was to sit next to her crib on the floor to let her know you are there..she may cry yes but you will know you are doing everything you can. Shes used to falling asleep in the comfort of your arms, bed etc..I know the crying stinks..believe me im not a fan of it either but it gets easier.

Hello K.,
Your daughter misses you as you miss her. She NEEDS to sleep with you to recoup some of that lost time with you. She is trying to let you know this. You both would be so much more happy if you got to cuddle through the night. She is more aware now and she understands what the crib means versus your arms. my kiddos are still in our family bed. Please don't let her cry it out by herself. She needs a safe loving place to shed any needed tears.

S.
S.

The same issue happened about two weeks ago to my 7 month old son... What I did was changed his room around slightly. I pulled his crib off the wall and angled it. I turned his bumpers around so he was looking at a different fabric, put his mobile and mirror on the other side. And then when it was time to go to bed I did our usual bedtime routine, but put him to bed from the opposite side of the crib. By disorienting him to think he was somewhere new eliminated any negative feelings he had towards his crib. Naps went back to normal. =)

My youngest of 3 is also 11 months. She still sleeps next to me in my bed. With the 2 older girls, I didn't put them to sleep by themselves until they were around 18 months. It was awful. But at least by that age they understand that they have to stay in Bed, and it only takes 3-5 days of consistency to get a routine. Even now, my 2 year old hates going to bed, but she will.
I have only been successful with letting them cry when they are older...its very traumatic when they are babies.

Other tactics I was successful with were laying with them in bed until they fell asleep. Also, with my oldest, I put her crib mattress on the floor for a while so it was an easier transition when I layed her down, after she had fallen asleep.

If you ARE sucessful with other methods...I would love to hear about them. You would think that the 3rd baby would be easier...that I should have all the answers...and yet..they elude me.

Hi, Have you read the book Babywise? It talks about this issue of helping your baby fall asleep on their own. It emphasizes the importance of the baby finding a way to soothe/comfort itself, instead of the parents. I've used this book's methods with both of my sons (ages 9yrs & 9mos) & it works really well. Basically you need to let her cry it out even though it will tug at your heart. She may cry for 30mins or longer, but she will fall asleep. Keep her bedtime routine the same every night until she is able to fall asleep without crying or needing you. According to this book, she will take 3-5 days to get used to falling asleep on her own. As hard as it will be for you & your husband, try to think of the benefits she will get from this (confidence and some independence) as well as the peaceful bedtimes your family will have from this point on. It's a win-win situation!
Good luck!

Hi K., I know this is a very hard situation. We use to let our daughter fall asleep in our arms or in our bed when she was little but it became a problem when we would go to put her down to sleep in her crib. She would wake up and start crying. I thought to myself I couldn't do this any longer. She needs to learn to fall asleep by herself in her crib. So I know you don't want to do the crying out method but that's what we had to do. When it was time for bedtime I would lay her down and she would cry. Yes it was very hard but it took one week of her crying and then she was fine. You have to be consistent with it and NOT give in. It's so nice to lay them down awake knowing they will fall asleep on their own,and it's alot less stress for you. Hope everything works out.

Hi K.,

From what I understand, your daughter is used to falling asleep with you or your husband and not in her crib. That is why she is crying. She is not used to it and she wants to be with you. The only way to get through this is the crying method. It will take time but it will be worth it. I am a mom of an 11 year old that still likes me to sit with her to fall asleep. It is not necessary anymore but it took time to change what she was used to. We developed a habit and she wishes that we did not. It will be for her benefit and yours if you break her from it now. She is crying because it works. She gets you back in her room when she does. I suggest you find a book that will advise you. I have a couple at home but am at work so I cannot reference them for you. Try Amazon.com. You cannot put her in bed asleep either because when she wakes up at night, she will look for you and when she doesn't find you, she will cry for you. She needs to feel secure in her crib and be able to soothe herself back to sleep. It will be the best thing you will ever do for her. Find the strength to get through the tears in the beginning. It will be worth it.

S.

First, this is only a phase. Children go through many sleep phases. It sounds like your daughter simply needs more attention at night from you and is unable to soothe herself to sleep. This is very common, my daughter went through it as well. The more you meet her needs the more confident she will become and the more independent. So just keep her with you in bed, buy a king sized mattress or fall asleep with her than put her in the crib, when she wakes, bring her to your bed. Things will shift, guaranteed in a month or so. Than you will be emailing with the next thing. Welcome to parenthood.
Sincerely, Dr. Heidi vonNacher-Fennell

K.,
I am a mother of 3 ages 21, 16 and 9. I could not handle the "crying it out method" either. Some kids just don't like the separation of sleep. We played musical beds over the years helping each child to fall asleep and then moving into an open available bed. I realized that many cultures sleep in closer proximity to each other and decided that I would not fight it if my kids preferred to sleep with or near either my husband or I. Since I am a working parent I enjoyed the time to cuddle with my children and we are all very close as a result of it. Find what works for your unique family and each other's needs. I found connecting with my children through sleep after being separated all day from them was a nice way to end the day.

Please allow your baby to sleep in the bed with you and your husband for a couple of days.She maybe having bad dreams and needs to feel secure.

Hey K. -
We've had the SAME issues with our little girl! She was sleeping awesome early on. But then when she started teething, at about 5/6 months, she stopped sleeping well at night. We tried sleep training, removing nursings (we also nurse her to sleep), etc. The only thing that works is that we now (she is 10 1/2 mos old now) just let her sleep in our bed at night. I know that the doctors (even my doctor) recommend against this because of suffocation hazards, SIDS, etc. But it has been working for us. She won't sleep for longer than 45 mins in her crib, and I have to be sneaky putting her down that way anyways. She HATES it. But she sleeps between us at night, and now I just roll over to feed her, so that works well. Soooo we gave up on the crib - if you find a solution that's not too heartbreaking, please let me know!

I have had the same issue, and my 11month old just has stopped sleeping in her crib altogether. If you are open to the idea, I just starting letting my daughter stay asleep in my bed. She seems to be much more comfortable knowing my husband and I are right there. I don't know how great of an idea it is because we will just have to transition her later, but for my sanity and a night of sleep I have given up on having my bed to myself. It may be a little tighter, but I don't have to get up during the night or spend hours trying to get my daughter to go into her crib since she could be sleeping peacefully and as soon as I lay her in her crib it was like an alarm going off and she would freak out.
good luck.

I remember those days >_< .

My little girl is now 6 years old. One thing that I did that solved the problem was put my computer in her room. When it was time for bed. I would get on the computer typing, playing video games (headphones) and or watch a movie or something. My being in the room soothed her enough to fall asleep. I at the same time still had time for ME too! My daughter got used to normal backround noise too. I believe it made her a better sleeper, she now sleeps like a rock. Wakes up refreshed every morning.

She did go through a phase for about a year or two that she would only sleep well with me. (my husband worked nights so I was happy to oblige). She now occaisionally wants to sleep with me, however 99 percent of the time she sleeps in her own bed.

The exact same thing happened to me around 12 months! My son went from falling asleep nursing and doing fine being put down in the crib, to sometimes 3-4 rounds of exhaustive singing, bouncing, rocking, etc., until he would go in the crib and stay there. I think it has to do with developmental changes (walking, teething, etc.) and just wanting to be with mommy as much as possible. I was at my wits end after 1.5 hours of trying to get him to sleep every night, so I just started putting him in the car and taking a half hour drive. Yes it was a waste of gas, but it saved my sanity. Oh, and the other thing that really helped was getting the plush chamois crib sheets from Pottery Barn kids. Good luck!

I had the same problems with my daughter. Shes 9 now, but we figured out that she just wanted us there in the room with her. Do you have an old bed you could put in her room so she can see you until she falls asleep? I know that is kind of hard but after awhile I was able to sneak back into my bed earlier and earlier each time. Its like she needed me there to be able to relax enough to "let go" and fall asleep. We also noticed she really liked the music from our wedding CD. It was called "Pachabel". Good luck. S.

Sounds like you're doing a lot of the right things. It may just take longer than 2 weeks. Good luck,

Depending on your child's age, there are many phases where sleep is interupted, because of developmental stages, learning to sit up, crawl, stand, walk, etc...also teething can keep a baby up, or a cold, an ear infection, a new change in life (you going back to work) a schedule change, etc...there are many times that they go thru separation issues. There are just sooo many things in their little lives that disrupt their sleep. It's normal...sleeping thru the night as an infant is not the norm, it's the desired :)

My son didn't sleep longer then 3 hours for the first year...and my daughter is a sleeper and has slept well from the beginning, so each child is different and they do their own thing sometimes. If you try to relax and go with the flow of your child, you will find life is a lot less stressful and the baby will find it's way to sleep land without so many hoops to be jumped by you. :)

If you & your hubby are good with co-sleeping, you might try that for a few nights to see if she just needs more "mommie time"

Hello K.. I have a 14 month old daughter and she never had sleeping problems til about 11 months either. I would say that everything you're doing is fine just be consistent and make sure that whoever puts her to sleep when you're not there does the same thing you do. Crying it out is okay, so long as you're consistent every night. It shouldn't last more than a week. Hope everything else is well. God bless.

I know how hard that is, I have raised two girls, now 22 and 23. Believe me, you will be glad to know that your child can cry and you can handle it...What I suggest is that you or your husband pick a week to work on it, without company etc. You sit in her room next to her bed the first night or two, you can hug her and reassure her that you are there, she will eventually fall asleep. Then little by little you leave her, come back in when she cries...it's an exhaustive process but there are good books written by doctors that walk you through the process. Or nanny books. It's an unfortunate part of the parenting process, kids learn how to work things with crying when they get the response they want. You will pay dearly later, there is such a thing as giving them too much attention. and your baby will still love you, in fact learn to trust that she is ok without you at night. Good luck.

Dear K.,

Well, you are preparing yourself for a hard life if you are not into letting your child cry it out a bit. Allowing the child to cry it out is not being cruel, it is teaching the child that there are rules out there in this new world that they are suddenly expected to adjust to.

You need to establish yourself as an authority figure and this is one way. Allowing children to do their own thing is not a kindness.

C. N.

Dr. Ferber's method really does work. I had to sleep train my son at 7 months because he was STILL waking up every 90 minutes to nurse. This is of course my fault - I shouldn 't have waited so long to do it.
My son is so stubborn that even the Ferber method of gradually reducing the times we checked on him didn't work. Every time he saw me he would SCREAM his head off. Finally I realized he wasn't feeling abandoned or scared - he was just pissed off that he wasn't getting his way.
So, my huband bought me a bottle of Merlot and we put him to bed, shut the door and let him torture our poor neighbors for 3 nights. Each night he cried a little less before giving up and going to sleep.
He is a happy, high energy 3 year old now & still loves us - so no permanant damage.
Check out "The Sleep Lady" too she has a slightly gentler version of Ferber - but depending on your kid - you may have to go cold turkey.
Get it over with !! You'll wonder why you waited so long in a few weeks from now.

I experienced the same thing and am also a full time mom. My thought is that the older our children get the more they become aware and attached. I do not agree with the crying out method. Is it possible to hold her until she falls into a deep slumber and then place her in her crib. Also, from a Love and Logic perspective children learn at a very young age that actions have consequences. The action is "she cries" the consequence is that "Mommy picks her up and holds her close". It is so difficult to ignore your natural urge to nurture and comfort your child. But is also important for your child to develop a sense of independence. Of course you can't have too much independence when you are only 11 months old. Get her used to the crib. Place her in the crib while you are doing something else in the room. Then rock her to sleep and back in the crib she goes. This is a tough tough time and I have a 22 month old that still cries his way into our bed so know that you are not alone and this is a long loving process.

We have a 4 year old that has manipulated us at sleep time for as long as I can remember. She has realized that if she cries we will come to her and has done that off and on. The only thing that has worked for her is letting her cry it out. The first night it was 25 minutes, the next night 5 minutes then the next night she slept thought the night again. It is the most painful thing we do with her but in my heart, I know it is the right thing to do or else she realizes that she wins and does it again and again. With my second child, we let her fall asleep in the crib and not in our arms ( I learned from my mistakes) and she is a great sleeper. Good luck - but your 11 month old has gotten old enough to realize she can get what she wants from crying. I dare say that if she had more time with you and if you didn't work full-time then she might not be so desirous of your attention at night...

My daughter stopped sleeping in her bed at 11 months also. We started family bed and have all slept great since. It is 8 hours a day of quality time cuddeling your daughter. It sounds to me like she just wants to be with you. Good Luck. K.

When I was reading about your problem, I thought I was reading about myself! We recently went through this same exact issue and it seems to come back every couple weeks. I'm not sure why my 13-month boy went through this, but I went through every possible reason: teething, he had a cold, etc...but I still couldn't figure it out. There wasn't a clear explanation why he wouldn't sleep in his crib and was hysterical the second we put him down in it. We always have had a problem with his sleeping habits...he's not much of a sleeper and we've always had to rock him to sleep and make sure he's sound asleep before putting him down or else he would wake up screaming. And still he wouldn't sleep more than 7 hours throughout the entire night! But this sudden scream and panic when we would put him in his crib (actually it would start the second we would walk into his room!) was so different than I've ever heard before. Just like you, I didn't want to resort to the "crying it out" method because I would end up in tears. But after days, even weeks without sleep and trying to fight him to sleep in his crib, we finally had to resort to this method. And it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. My son is very stubborn too, so the first night it took a LONG time before he cried himself to sleep. But when I tried to to in there every 10 min or so to reassure him that we were still there, it would make him worse. I even tried to sleep right down beside his crib so he could see me there...but that made it worse. So then I moved out of his room and then let him cry it out himself. After a few days, he was sleeping back in his crib throughout the night, but would wake up around 5am and then we would bring him into our bed, just so we could get some sleep for our sanity :O) I'm not sure if you let your baby sleep in your bed, but that's where we were at for about a week and we learned that he had us wrapped around his finger and would scream only to get us to bring him into our bed. And it was true because the second I would put him into our bed he would stop crying and go to sleep. We still go through this every few weeks and have to start all over. I even called our pediatrician for help and they told me that he was smarter than we thought and we had to be firm in our bedtime routine, becuase he had already figured out if he cried, then we would bring him into bed with us. I tried telling the doctor that he would be almost in a panic attack and couldn't breathe because he was screaming so hard and she didn't think that was a problem...I had a hard time understanding that because I hate to hear my baby cry!
I'm not sure if this even helped or not, but if you get any other advice from other moms, can you please forward them to me? My email is ____@____.com
Please let me know how things go!

I really like the No Cry Sleep Solution... The book has some really useful and comforting advice.
http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Throug...

I have rocked all my children to sleep when they were babies. My baby who is 1 year old still gets rocked to sleep. Check to see if she is teething or coming down with a cold. That could be the problem and she finds confort with you. Also if she is starting to walk she might be afraid that she cant find you in the middle of the night...like she walked away and dosent know where she is.... Some babies get scared durning big mile stones like crawling or walking and want to make sure you are close until she feels confortable with her new sence of independence.

My youngest just went thought the same thing twice with in the past few months and both times she was teething and we didnt know it until we saw the teeth breaking through the gums....after that she was fine. Good luck...and remember...once she gets though one "stage"...there is always another "stage" just around the corner to mess up the baby's day. Good luck ....and enjoy rocking and holding her as much as you can....she will be grown before you know it....:0)

I dont know if you recently went back to work but your lil munch may be having separation anxiety, especially if you let her sleep with you. Its a tough transition b/c next to you and your hubby is where she most wants to be. I learned to never get attached to ANY of my guys sleep patterns- they are bound to change. Be patient with her- she misses you.

Well, the only way we have ever solved this problem with our own 3 children is to let them cry it out, sorry! We have gone through it with all 3 of them and it only took about 3 nights of crying it out before they would go to sleep well in their own bed. You have to be consistent and you can't give in at all, but it does work.

Try warming her bed with a heating pad before you put her into it (make sure you take it out before putting her down).

I had the same problem with my little one, and I tried everything, and I mean everything. I know you want to stay away for the crying out method, but that's the only thing that finally worked for us. I hated it, trust me! But she only cried for about 10 mins. then was out like a light. And I haven't had to rock her or anything since...

If you are interested in staying home, I work for a great company that allows me to stay home. You can start part-time and keep your full time job, until business picks-up...If your interested contact me at ____@____.com with how to reach you!

Hi K. S Have you tryed soft radio music or even cd. Or put some clothing of your and husband some with your body smell on it put in her curb. I know with me when i put my babys with me could not brake them myself. GOOD LUCK

K. S,
I am a mom of two boys 4 and 7. I remember when both of them were good sleepers as infants and then all of sudden they would change on me and I would think what is going on? It is most likely teething that is causing the sudden disruption. If it is teething try giving her the usual things like tylenol before bed or teething gel etc. If it's not teething then I think the Super Nanny's method is great. If you don't have her book, it is well worth the investment. If I recall correctly she has a method in there that will take about 4 or 5 nights in a row of consistency but it is worth it! At first you think there is no way this is going to work and you'll want to give up, but you have to stick with it. Basically it entails putting your baby to bed after your usual routine and then sitting next to the crib until she falls asleep, the key is NO EYE CONTACT AND NO TALKING. That way she knows you are there but you aren't interacting with her so eventually she will stop crying, get bored and fall asleep. The first night it might take an hour or more, ugh! But then each night you sit a little further away from the crib until you are in the door way and then finally out the door! You will have to check the Super Nanny's book to make sure but I am pretty sure this is how you do it. Let me know if it works for you!
C. R.
C. R

Hi K.,
We just went through the same thing with our 11 month old son. He would not fall asleep unless we rocked him, and woke up 3 times in the night. I HIGHLY recommend "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Farber. I was not so keen on the cry it out method, but that was before I actually read about the method from the Dr. himself. It offers strategies that are practical, gentle, and much easier on the parents and child than you might imagine. He now can fall asleep on his own, and sleeps at night from 7:30 to 5:15, up for a feeding, than back down until 7. Good luck!
A.