Sleeping Problem - Goleta,CA

Since your dughter loves to sleep with daddy how about daddy taking her shopping for a "daddy teddy bear" for her to sleep with every night. It is also a idea for her to sleep with a picture of dad. Personally I would include myself in that picture:)You can start with dad putting her to bed in her bed and laying with her till she falls asleep. It will take a few nights but in the long run will be worth it

Hi K. ~ I saw a really good episode of Dr. Phil not to long ago and he covered an issue just like this. He suggested putting the baby in her own bed and sleeping with her for a couple of nights and then moving to a chair next to the bed for a couple nights, and then each night after that moving the chair closer and closer to the door until you are finally out the door and in your room in bed with your husband where you belong. Truthfully, I wish I had seen that episode about 17 years ago. My youngest slept in my bed with me until she was 12. Yes 12. I tried everything to get her into her own bed, except the above. I didn't think it would hurt anything because I was a single mom and thought I would always be a single mom. When we (my husband and I) got engaged and we (my girls and I) moved in with him, my baby really resented my husband for taking her place in my bed. It was a lot of drama for my daughter and soon to be husband. But now, she is 17 and has been sleeping in her own bed for 5 years!!! I say nip it in the bud while you have the chance. But that's my opinion. Good luck to you.

Dont think allowing your child to sleep in your bed is negative. In fact, it is bonding moments, so think of it as more of a positive issue. Our solution, we brought our youngest son's bed into our room and placed it next to ours and made it the same height as ours. He loves to come to bed and will start out in the middle eventually will go to his bed. Sometimes I just tell him you need to get to your own bed and he does. I think it saved a lot of our fighting, b/c I was feeling rejected...

Since we've moved, my son has been kinda freaked out in his own room, so we've been letting him sleep with us again. We had just gotten him into his own bed, and then we moved. He like your daughter will only fall asleep with his father. But we put him in his bed the other night and just let him cry it out. We would go back after five minutes if he was crying and just hug him, lay him down again and then leave. Then if he was still crying after ten minutes we would go back and do the same (Don't pick them up though). Each time you go to check on them do it five minutes longer than the last time, just so they know you are still there. The first night it took an hour, then second night it was like 20 minutes. He still has bad nights, but he has been pretty good. Also, I tried giving him a bath and then letting him play for 20 minutes and then reading him a book to calm down and rubbing him down with the sleepy lavender baby lotion, he went right to sleep. If you feed him something starchy before bed it also makes them sleepy. Hope any of this helps.

Where does your child take her naps? Does she have her own crib? Does she have her own room? None of these are essential...it's just whatever you all work out...but if it isn't working, it's time for you to take control.

First of all, I would absolutely stop the formula at night. She is almost 2 years old, & unless she is really thin or won't eat much, she should be ready to sleep thru the night without formula. This will be a process, that won't happen overnight, but if you stick to your goal, & are consistent, you can do it! You might try giving her some milk or water prior to bedtime, (recommended to brush her teeth afterwards, if giving milk) and definitely tell her she is getting to be a big girl & it's time for her to sleep thru the night without drinking. Also keep in mind, since she is 2, she will be potty training in the next year (+/-), so you won't want to give her LOTS of fluid prior to bed...just talk to her about these things, she may not be able to talk at your level, but I'd bet she can understand a lot...

The second step, (or simultaneous step) in my opinion, is to have her nap on her own during the day. If she has a crib, or her own bed, lay her down there for the nap. When my son had trouble sleeping in his own bed, I would just get my blanket & pillow & sleep on the floor next to his crib until he fell asleep, then I would quietly leave & go back to my bed.(I used a little fold-up futon, to be more comfortable) Try to lay down with her, so she knows you are close, but have her be in her own space. Do not engage with her once she is in the crib. Meaning, just softly tell her "time to go to sleep", "sweet dreams" and "love you" or whatever you say, but don't make eye contact or pick her up. This is how she will get the idea it means it's time to go to bed, and that "mommy time" is over for the moment. Once she can nap in her own bed, then try it at night. You & your husband may need to spend a few nights (or more!) sleeping next to her, or letting her cry (this is so hard, but it does end!!) but eventually she will get it, and you will get the sleep, and intimacy, you deserve.

Make sure your husband is totally on board with this or it will not work!! Since he is the one she wants to sleep with at night, have him be prepared to be the one spending the night (or part of it, anyway) in her room.

You are the adults, you get to say what happens in your bed...don't let your toddler take charge or you will really be in for a fight the next couple years, as she learns how to test you. And your sex life will suffer...this is not good for a marriage, it makes everybody edgy!!

This process can be really hard, you might need to prepare the other kids for a crying little sister, but just let them know you love her, & what you are doing, so they will also be supportive & not undermine what you are trying to do. Count on your husband for support, and be there to support him when he gets burned out or crispy, too. This is really a team effort!

good luck...

I had the same problem with my daughter. If she still has her crib put her in it and let her scream till she falls asleep. What you will be doing if she gets out of bed is put her right back and and tell her bed time kiss her and lay her back down. If she gets up an more times don't say anymore to her just put her in bed. This would take me some nights 2 hours with my daughter sometimes 2 times but within 2 weeks she knew it was time for bed.

Get the Nanny 911 book. She has a lot of great tips on this stuff. I am now breaking my son of being rocked for every nap and bed time. So what I do with him is start getting him to be an hour earlier that way I'm not super tired and having to do this.

Good luck
M.

First off...I did the same thing with my son...it was sooooo hard to get him out of our bed and into his...We bought him a firetruck bed and it even took a while before he slept in that...Now what we have done and it worked...was made a ritual...First he uses the restroom...then he gets in bed and we read him a story or two...and then its time to go to sleep...and this is the secret for us...We bought a small lamp...not too bright but not too dark...and he sleeps with it on...the light...I dont know how he does it but he does...It took a while before he started sleeping in his bed but now hes ready, jumps in bed with all his "buddies" lol power rangers, spiderman, batman, but there is always a time when he comes to our bed and its either because he accidentaly wet his bed or hes sick...so try getting a lamp and do some routine stuff to get her used to it...good luck!!

I work with children ages 2-3, along with their families. I give a lot of advice to parents about issues like this and the number one thing I have to say to them in situations such as yours is to remind them who the parents are and who the child is. Your child is not the boss of you, your husband, the sleeping situation, or the house. You and your husband are the the bosses and you must re-establish yourselves as such if you are ever going to get your child to stop tantruming her way into getting you guys to cave in, in this sleeping arrangement situation or any others for that matter. You have, unfortuantely allowed this to carry over into the "terrible twos", as I'm sure you have heard it called before. And if you and your husband do not nip this in the bud, you are going to have an even harder time when as she ages and the task of indpendence and autonomy really set in. Get her into her bed at night. You must be in charge of where she sleeps, tantrums and all. The more you cave into the tantruming, the more she will tantrum. You must ignore it. I ignore tantruming in my class ( I even use ear plugs so I don't get a head ache) and eventually, the children find the acceptable ways to communicate with me effectively. I can't tell you how powerful it is to the child to win a battle with a tantrum. You have to be able to build up the nerve and strength to ignore it, and believe me, I know it is not easy, but you know what? It does not last forever, and it slowly fades as you begin to respond to her appropriate means of communication. A simple, "I do not listen to screaming, it hurts my ears, and I will not talk to you until you speak to me nicely." I say it over and over and over again. Never give in. And I would do it cold turkey...none of this "weaning" her out of your bed. Just do it, and do it soon and do not cave in to her screaming. And the formula in the middle of the night is an absolute NO NO!! That needs to stop immediately, especially if you are giving it in a bottle. You are setting your child up for all kinds of social/emotional issues if that goes on any longer. I have had kids drinking bottles way too long and it inhibits nutrition and speech development, as well as perpetuates dental health issues. You are the boss and you need to stick it to your toddler...no more sleeping with mom and dad, no more formula in the middle of the night, and no more attention paid to her tantrums. Good luck to you all! :)

I had a similar problem with my son, and what I found that worked was to take one side off of his crib, and actually lodge it between the wall and our bed. It was hard at first trying to get him to go to sleep there, but the I started letting him fall asleep in the middle and rolling him over me to put him in his crib (where he would stay for a couple of hours, and then climb back over me into the middle of the bed again)It was a long process, but he now sleeps in his big boy bed in his own room! It was worth all of the effort, and now it seems so long ago that my fiance and I had no intimacy.
Good Luck! I hope this helps.
A. H.
(SAHM of Wyatt, age 2)

oh no!!!!!!! must get the intimacy back and kick out the kid (in a loving way). she is running your bedlife and she is the kid (oh no).

you've got to get a plan and be consistent with it for at least 3 nights and then see what happens and what changes you need to make to the nightime routine.
you can do it slowly because she is so attached. first, put her in her bed, read stories, and tell her this is where she sleeps at night now. you can lay with her for the first couple nights. then the next couple nights you can sit on the floor and bed. then, next couple nights you can move to the other side of the room. so gradually your physcial distance will be greater. do it will love and patience.

I took my at the time 2 1/2 year old son shopping for special night time things such as bath soap, lotion and a extra special stuffed animal. Since it seems that your daughter is attached to Daddy then maybe he should take her to get a special night time bear that can hug her like Daddy does. Plus, maybe Daddy should be the one that helps he r to get ready for bed. Until I got married,my son only wanted me to put him to bed and it was always a fight. Now Daddy does it and no more fights. But whatever you do, you deffinetly need to make sure that you stick with it, even when it seems that she will never go to sleep. Good Luck!!!!!

Dear K.,

I am positive that you love your husband and your big family, now you have to love your two year old
daughter enough to be firm with her about sleeping in her own bed.

Of course she will scream and cry dramatically, standing in her crib for hours, and probably throw up too. You need to tell her what is going to happen that first night, all day long you talk to her about it - talk about it at play time and have her put her babies into her bed too at nap time, she does nap, doesn't she? Well, she will nap in her crib too - she might as well get started on the screaming and crying - then she may not scream and cry so long that night when she goes to bed for real. Give her a nice cozy bath, cozy bedtime story in her own room, warm milk maybe, anything that you can think of to let her know that you are serious, then you be serious, love her, kiss her good night, Dad kiss her good night and both of you put her to bed, make sure she has her best blanket and dollies. Then walk out of the room together, leaving the door ajar so that you can hear every screaming and crying breathe and only go in when she throws up, and she will. Give her a sip of water , wash her face with a warm or cool wash cloth,change her diaper and night gown if need be, tell her that you love her , make her cozy, and leave the room. Good Luck, You need to steel youself to be the winner of this battle. It is seriously important that you two become her boss because you will be miserable the rest of your lives if you let her get the best of you.

Where do you think all of these bossy, selfish, careless women and girls come from lately? They come from getting their way and being bossy, selfish little baby girls. We are here to teach them how to live in a civil society - Do you realize how important women are to the civility in our world? Seriously important .

I told my grand son that if he were going to have a partner again that he choose a girl that is three C's and a K. That stands for someone who Cooks, Cleans, is Caring and Kind. Not that she is the only person in the household that cooks and cleans is caring and kind, but that she is seriously firmly committed to being a living working part of the family - not a monarch who bosses everyone about.

Yes, I have seen this happen way too much in my 75 years of life. Get ahold of your darling daughter, and be her leader and dearest teacher as well as loving and firm mother and father.

Of course she wakes up and screams for Dad - don't let that control you. Kids are smart too, you know. I had to do a similar thing to my beloved son when he was about 6 months old, but I did it, and it worked - He cried for 5 hours the first day, 4,3,2,1, then 15 minutes. It wasn't fun, but I got my ironing done that week, that is for sure and the house spick and span while I listened to him cry. (Mom's ironed in those days). That was his nap time - he finally took good naps and was a happier boy.

It says in the child development books that children should nap or rest in the p.m. until they are 6 years old. Yes, it did. Umhuh, it did. ....and it was written there for a reason, that I am sure you can figure out for yourself.
Most sincerely, C. N.