Sleeping Issues with Almost 1Yr Old

I used the baby whisperer method with my daughter and it has worked wonderfully for us. I would describe it as a combination of crying it out and providing comfort. If you're able to read the book, that's great. But if you don't have time, the method basically works like this: do a bedtime routine and rock the baby for a little until he is drowsy. Then lay him down. If he starts crying, rub his belly or back, soothingly say something like "It's OK, it's time to sleep, mommy loves you" and then walk away. Let him cry for a few minutes. If he doesn't stop, go back in but don't pick, him up. Help him lay back down and soothe him again and then walk out again. Wait another few mintues and repeat this process until he calms down. The first couple days will likely be hard and take a long time but he should be done with this cycle after that. I know that they can easily fall out of a good pattern when they're sick (another poster mentioned this and it happened with me too) so you just have to go back to that method after they get better. They key (for me, at least) is consistency. AND doing what works best for you. I'm personally not a fan of co-sleeping but I also understand that method works best for other families so I would never judge. I hope you find some rest soon! I know how tough it is to be a sleepy mama! Good luck!

Oh H., I totally get it - sleep deprivation is pure torture!
My 10 month old has definitely given us a run for our money in the sleep department too (and his big brother was a dream sleeper, still is, so this was something totally foreign to me since his birth in Dec 07). We've also tried everything, and nothing worked except crying it out. It's heart-wrenching, but it's definitely necessary - for parents AND baby!
We have "noise makers" in both our room & baby's room - we actually use air purifiers, as we all have allergies. The one in our room is large, and can turn on high (as I say, it sounds a bit like a jet engine!) but will muffle out most of my son's cries. I turn it on high, and close both of our doors (I know, I know, GASP!). We tried the whole going back in to his room to comfort/settle him after 10-15 mintues, to no avail - it just made him more hysterical. I hate to admit it, but what worked was letting him CIO until he fell asleep. The first night he was up on and off for 3-4 hours, the second night was 1-2 hours, and the 3rd was just a few minutes. 3 nights, and he's slept from 7:30 PM - 5:00 AM. We feel better, and I KNOW he feels better!
In my opinion, the trick is getting him to learn to fall asleep on his own. Stick to a routine AND you & your hubby be consistent - but mostly, do what works best for you all! The sleep books and advice from other people only made me feel crazier than I already felt from being so sleep deprived.
Feel free to email me at ____@____.com if you need further info or just some support - you are NOT ALONE. Sometimes the only way to get through this parenting thing is to do it "together"!
Hang in there, it will get better...

B.

When you are listening to your baby cry, 15 minutes seems like hours....but it's not that long. I have heard of babies who can wail for hours...not that I think that's a good idea!

We have done this...it's tough but it's necessary at this point. He knows that he can outlast you and it's a sheer battle of wills at this point. You are right in the thick of it but it will get better quickly, trust me! You will be so glad once you get this done and are getting some sleep.

Hang in there...you will all be okay and you'll get through it! My husband used to have to take the monitor and leave the room because I just couldn't listen to our son crying...even a little bit...but it worked and I am SOOOO thankful to be a well rested mom of 3!!!

~L.

I feel your pain also! Been there and will enver go back. Thetype of cry, the screeching, as hard as it is for you to hear it, you could actually be reinforcing it. That cry is the kind of cry that he knows will get your there, so he does it. If you wait 15 minutes until you go in there, he will do it for 15 minutes. If you wait a half hour, he will do it for a half hour. You have to be the strong one and let him cry it out. The first night for us, was 1.5 hours. The second night 45 minutes. Of course we check one him, but didn't interact or pick up . After that, he got the picture. They have to learn to comfort themselves, and at 1 years of age, they can start. Like the others said, consistency is key. If you choose to do the crying out method, you have to commit to it for it to work, otherwise it is just harder and upsetting to everyone. Good luck, there is a solution for you.

H., I know it is hard, but just keep letting him cry it out. It will get better. Fortunately, we did it with my daughter at 10 months and it only took a few nights. I have heard someone say they checked on the child to make certain she was safe, shut the child's door and her door, turned the monitor off and the radio on. If there is anyway you can remove yourself from the situation it may help. Good luck and know that when it is all over you all will sleep so much better.

Boy, have I been there with you! When my oldest daughter was born my husband was working in a restaurant and wouldn't get home until between 11:00 p.m and 1:00 a.m. She would take her 8:00 p.m. bottle and then stay awake (wide awake) until her daddy got home. For the first few weeks I relished this time with her, it was the longest stretch she was awake at a time. However, at about 4 weeks old I came to the startling revelation that I needed to get myself back into a healthy sleep pattern for work, and that meant going to bed before 1:30 in the morning. We had always believed in putting her in her crib while she was still awake (except for those middle of the night feedings), so after her 8:00 p.m. feeding I started putting her to bed. I would then occupy myself with a "loud" task (usually sewing) to block out the crying, watch the lights on the monitor and check on her. For about 2 weeks she cried straight from 8:00 p.m. to when her daddy got home. He'd give her a bottle if it was time for another feeding and she would go straight to bed. Finally, she learned that daddy would come in and check on her, and she started going to bed earlier for me. Only occasionally did we have issues in the middle of the night, and yes, we let the girls cry it out (after trying a lot of other methods). It is hard - but in the end, the benefits made it worth it for us. Both girls (now 5 and 3.5) are great sleepers - they go to sleep on their own, don't wake up in the middle of the night, and don't have any issues. Stick with it, you'll be fine and he'll learn.

It will get better I promise. It took my son about a week before it really worked. He also still wakes up once to twice a night but it's only for 90 seconds or so. My mother reminded me kindly when I was going through the sleep deprivation period that I was never a good sleeper until I was like 9 or 10 yrs old!!!! I do remember now getting up every night with my mom and now the paybacks have started, lol!!!! I suggest to try and not go in there and when you do, don't pick him up, only stay in there for under 2 minutes, tell him you love him and it's time for bed then walk away even if he's still screaming or crying. I remember saying I feel like my son's will is stronger than mine!!!!! But once you put your mind to it and go full force it will work!!! Hang in there.

H., I could not listen to my daughter screeching. We put her in bed w/ us and that's how we all got some sleep. I read the Sears book and the Ferber book and we tried Ferberizing and my daughter would not lie down. She sat up all night long until she fell asleep and fell over, and then as soon as she fell over, she'd pop right back up again, sitting up. I watched her from a quilt on the floor of the hall outside her room through her not-quite shut bedroom door.

There is a sense called proprioception that develops with the child--it's a sense of where they are in space, and he may not sense where he is in space unless he has another person there for a reference point. Letting him cry it out won't suddenly develop that sense of where he is and allow him to fall asleep. I think that's why co-sleeping worked for her/us--she knew where she was relative to her mom and dad.

Now the experts say NO CO-SLEEPING--too dangerous.

I wonder if you could put him in a playpen/pack-and-play next to your bed, where he's close, and you could rub his back, pat him as soon as he starts to squirm, way before he gets to the crying or screeching (panic) stage?

Oh H., I feel for you! My daughter will be 1 mid-November and we have had the same problem. We did the cry method a couple of months ago and it actually worked pretty well...for a few weeks until she got a cold and ever since then we are back to square one. I wish I could tell you what to do but honestly, I'm not sure myself. Just know you aren't alone and if the crying it out isn't working for you, dont push yourself and trust your instincts! Hang in there-they have to sleep eventually...right? :)

Oh Love!! I feel your pain!! I have twin boys who just turned 1 last week and have recently had issues with sleeping. Our problems are more with nap time (I never had a strict schedule for naps, only for feedings and that was due to the fact that they were preemies and i could go on forever about how long it took them to eat!!). I have FINALLY come to the realization that they will cry no matter what so...I actually turn off the monitors so I cannot hear them (I have monitors with cameras so I can always hear/see what they are doing),but I check on them constantly with the monitors I mentioned. I shower during this time, fold laundry with the tv on and anything else that has background noise during the first 15 minutes...this is the time when they cry (one boy screams at the top of his lungs but as time has gone on, and I haven't responded...but I can still see him on my monitor to make sure he is okay!) it really helps!! I know the title put on this is "tough love" or "crying it out" but I am telling you. at 1 your baby knows you love him and you are there for him but he needs boundaries...I will let you know that I am the weakest mom EVER when it comes to crying, I tried for 7 years to get prego with fertility treatments and was FINALLY BLESSED with twin boys :) They are beyond delightful, but on different schedules...one needs a 20 minute nap, the other 2 hour. If you can, I would get a monitor that allows you to see your son and you can turn down the volume but see what state he is in or what he is doing. That way you know he is just fine, not in harms way, and you can sleep (with ear plugs in). You need your sleep, otherwise, neither one of you wins. I wish you the best of luck...I must admit, I still cave at naptime, but NEVER at bedtime....MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE!!!

Hi H.!

All I have to say is it DOES work if you stick with it. Consistency is key, and probably within a week he will be going to sleep and sleeping through the night. We did this with my son when he was about 6 months old and ever since then he has been a great sleeper. We also make sure to put him to sleep awake but tired...that way he learns to soothe himself to sleep rather than us doing it for him...its a coping skill. You are doing great, just stick to it. My son actually cried for 30 minutes every night for about a week and then nothing....and now it is awesome and it was totally worth it. As long as you know there is nothing wrong, he is not wet or hurt in any way then just let him cry....eventually he will go to sleep. Just be consistent!

H.

Hang in there and stick with it. My daughter has bounced back and forth between going to sleep well on her own, and crying. Naps were our biggest challenge. I listened to her cry for 45 minutes sometimes, but every time i stuck with it, it worked. just beware of times like sickness, change in schedule, etc...it is easy to get back to rocking, and other bad habits in these situations and then you are back to square one.

one suggestion, try not to lie in bed listening to him scream. find something to do while he's crying. it's much easier when you can distract yourself! and just remember, if you give up now, it will just get harder!

It took a week for us but worked and has made our lives much less stressful and the LO is more rested. Be very consistent for a full week and see how things are. Naps can sometimes still have a little cranking but bedtime is almost always protest free and only a couple wake ups in the night a month if that. My LO is 13 months and sometimes she likes to sleep and sometimes she'd rather stay up but I'm the parent and I believe consistent sleeping habits are important so a little protesting on her part isn't that distressing. She also protests getting dressed, wearing a hat and changing her diaper but I certainly don't take her out naked with poop in her diaper. Heehee. good luck.

I've been having the same issue with my 9 month old. The past three nights i have been rocking him when he's tired until he is almost asleep, then I put him in his crib. I have a little aquarium light/sound thing on his crib that I turn on, as well as a small stuffed animal that is only for sleep time. He usually wakes right up and looks around, stands up, and starts to wimper. I sit in a chair at the end of his crib, and sing or wisper to him, so he knows I'm there and it's ok. When he starts to really cry I pick him up, give him a kiss, and put him back in his crib. My son sleeps on his side, so when he rolls onto his side I know he is really tired and I start to rub his back, then he's out. I have only been doing it a couple of nights but it has worked really well, the only time he woke up last night was to have a bottle and went right back to sleep. It is easier for me to stay in the room and try to comfort him than it is to walk out and listen to him scream. Good luck and hang in there, I know it's really hard, I'd rather be rocking mine, but it just doesn't work any more.

Hi H.,
I feel your pain. I have 2 kids and have let them both cry it out. Mine would cry for about 10-15 minutes and then settle themselves and fall asleep. It will get easier. Try and be consistant. It only took my kids about a week (give a day or 2) before they would not cry when I put them down. Remember that you are not hurting your child in any way. I remember going in our basement at the opposite end of the house to fold laundry so that I couldn't hear them cry (my husband was home to listen). I also remember setting a timer for a certain amount of time and they always seemed to be asleep before the timer went off. It just always seemed longer when I listened to them crying. My boys sleep great now. I hope that you don't get any mean comments and if you do disregard them. You aren't doing anything wrong. Good luck.
Chris

all great advice. Only thing I would add is make sure the nap time isn't too close to bed time. When our 1yr old takes a late nap, till 4:30 or 5 we have to remember to put her down later (instead of 7:30 it becomes 8:30 9)

Not sure if that'll help, but I feel your pain. :)

I understand your situation. When my daughter was born, the flap between her esophagus and her stomach was not fully developed until she was 6 months and 1 week old. As a result she didn't sleep through the night when she should have and then had the bad habit of getting up during the night. I fought with my husband to let her cry it out, he won. Eventually she did sleep through the night but still not a consistent basis.

What I found was she was waking herself up as she was snoring. After getting her on some supplements, which helped with her sinus issues she has been sleeping through the night.

Maybe your little guy has some allergy and/or sinus problem that wakes him up. Has that option been explored?

Hope this helps. Oh and no one is real happy without a good nights sleep.

I wish you well with this.

M.

Stick with it, it will work. I used the sit in the room and move closer to the door everyday method, and it was two weeks of hell, but now I go in say prayers, give hugs and kisses, and walk out! Do you have a night light in the room? My daughter likes to sleep in blackness, but my son was just afraid of the dark, I turned on the night light, and viola, he slept through the night, and quieted down much faster. good luck to you, i know it is difficult.

Hello H., My grandson, who is 10 months old, just went through the same thing. He had a double ear infection, but due to that he got his days and nights turned around. Cut back on how long you allow your baby to sleep during the day. He will be crabby the first few days, but should be so tired by then that he won't be able to fight sleep at night. Good luck.

Hi H.~

I don't remember what book I read but it helped a ton! Basically you do what you are describing...It was very hard for us because Brandon was in the hospital a lot and when he screamed and carried on too long it would irritate his asthma and would end up with asthma attacks!

We had to let him cry because of the same reasons you mentioned...we started off by putting him down awake and saying goodnight...left the room with him screaming. We waited 5 minutes and since he was still crying we went back in reassured him he was ok and that we were there and laid him back down. We left the room again with him screaming and let him carry on for 10 mins...returned in his room if he was still screaming, reassured him and laid him back down. The first couple of nights were tiring for all of us...I think the first night took us up to a waiting period of 40 mins! (You increase the time by 5 mins after you go in to reassure them.) After a week, he would go down within 10 mins...

Brandon is now 3.5 and does great! We have good and bad nights but for the most is doing great! We have had setbacks but have always made a point to get back to routine within a week and try to keep consistency.

Good luck - I feel your pain! Do something to distract you while he cries it out that way you don't go insane and give in too early.

H. - this has to be very hard on your family. I did not have many issues with sleeping (at least not like this) but I did let her cry it out and it would take 20-30min and then she would settle down then after a few days of that it was 10-15min and then it was only a min or so. I know it is hard but I use to go in the kitchen and wash dishes or do something so I could hear her but not really (if that makes sense. It broke my heart but after a week or so (a change normally takes that long) we were all done.
Have you maybe tried a night light, music - that might help
maybe also get a camera in the room so you can watch him and make sure he is ok when he is crying!
I also found that starting something on the weekends with my hubby home made it easier since we could switch off. I just did not allow vistors and limited stimulation when I was starting something new.
good Luck and happy halloween

Hang in there!! Sounds like you're doing everything right. My daughter went through the same issues, and we finally figured out that it was because her feet were cold. Easy solution for us, we put socks on her, gave her a nice warm blanket (which we tucked underneath the mattress to prevent it from going up to her face) and within a week there was no more waking up.
Just remember...babies are going to cry...it's their way of communicating what they need. So long as all of his needs are met, he'll be fine, and so will you!

Okay H., don't worry I will be nice. You will get through this I promise. Your baby is just testing you. Don't give in. I have used the cry it out method with all three of my children and it works and they will still love you. I, however, did it at a much earlier age (8-10 weeks), but you can do it. My advice is to make sure your baby knows that you are not abandoning him, you just need him to sleep. My method, which I have shared with many moms on this site is this: Do your normal bedtime routine of soothing, bath, book, rocking, singing, whatever. Then, when you lay him in his crib be honest and firm and tell him that it is time to go to sleep and that mommy and daddy are going to sleep too and that you will see him when the sunshine comes up. Reassure him that you love him, put on some soothing music and get out of there without looking back. Say goodnight once and move on. Okay, now is where it gets difficult. When you hear him crying, wait a couple of minutes and then go in, but under no circumstances pick him up out of his crib. Rub his back, settle him down as much as you can and then again tell him it is time for bed and walk out. At each cry or scream wait 5 more minutes. Trust me, I know how hard it is. With my first, I sat outside her door sobbing and watching the clock for when I could go back in. It will be difficult and take about 3 or 4 nights of torture (well it just seems like torture). I would suggest starting this as soon as possible. I hope it works for you. If you need any more advice, just let me know. And good luck!

K. W.

This site is all about many mama's advice and experience. I had 3 babies in 4 1/2 years. We of course, had similar sleeping issues for a period of time. I was not and still am not a fan of the "cry it out" method, though some mamas swear by it and that's ok. You need to do what works for you and your family and not worry about what anyone else thinks. I always thought that adults...parents, don't sleep alone in a dark room away from everything cozy, why would I send my baby there? My daughter has 2 children now. She would sit with them with one of those white noise machines on until they were asleep...at the beginning. Now, the time she sits has gone way down...they know she is there for them, the noise machine is soothing and she can leave without being heard. Works for her! We did co-sleeping with all three in our bed at some point, on the floor next to the bed or all 3 in a different bed together. It was a process. We did what we and the kids needed to get a good night's sleep. Some may say co-sleeping interferes with your privacy as a couple...be creative! Go with your gut! Do what works for you. Good luck!