Sleeping Issues - Staten Island, NY

How about trying to get some headphones and let him listen to music that may be enough of a distraction and also calm him down to go to sleep on his own. My mother never put her foot down with my brother so he slept in a sleeping bag on the floor in my room until I was 16 and I put my foot down. I wanted my privacy. I think at his age you need to be firm with him otherwise he will continue to depend on you for sleeping. As far as him taking long to fall asleep without you I wouldn't let that concern me let him stay awake as long as he stays in bed. Eventually he will be tired enough and go to sleep on his own. Good luck!!

He may just be a poor sleeper. As a child, I remember quite vividly how I struggled to get to sleep while my youngest sister nodded off at the drop of a hat. My eldest has the same problem, so I taught her a trick that helped me as a child. We call it "heavy as gold" and it involves going up the body, tensing and relaxing each body part starting with the feet. I talked her through it the first few times, encouraging her to feel how relaxed and "heavy as gold" her body became as she moved upwards. Now she can do it on her own and it seems to help.

My firstborn, 19 years old now, has always been a night owl. He takes after his Momma that way. :) My husband and younger son fall asleep within seconds of their heads hitting the pillow. My night owl son would join my husband and me in our bed many a night from birth until the age of nine. We never minded it and actually enjoyed having him sleep between us when he wanted to. Our younger son liked being in his own bed and would never join us and that was also fine. My son Cooper decided at the age of nine, that he didn't want to come into our bed anymore, but could I please lay down with him to chat with him for five minutes? So that's what we did. I'd lay down next to him and we'd do some catching up and then I'd leave him to fall asleep. Both my sons are readers, so he would often read himself to sleep after our chats. He's also volunteered to read to his younger brother. I miss those days of seeing their heads together on Connor's bed while Cooper read to him. So sweet! Cooper read all of the Harry Potter books to Connor (except the last one, Connor read that one on his own) because he wanted his brother to know what he was talking about when he'd talk about the series. LOL!) Another thing we'd do for both our sons as a playful way to get them to relax was to do "Going on a treasure hunt" on their backs. While doing tickling hand motions on their backs and necks, we'd say; "Going on a treasure hunt.... X marks the spot.... a line.... a dot.... a question mark! Shall we go up? Or shall we go down? Or shall we go aaaalll around?! Two black spiders, crawling up your back.... they bit ya! The blood goes rushing down! A pinch.... a squeeze.... a tropical breeze.... and an egg.... to top it all off! Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!" The gotcha part is a quick tickle in the sides of the tummy. It only takes a minute to do and it's physical contact that is very relaxing. Try it! :)
D. N.

You could try having the time with him on the couch before bed. Have him lay in your lap, rub his head or back and have a little chat about your day, with the understanding that he has to go to sleep on his own. He may be just craving a Mother's love. So you could help him to "pre-fall asleep" as a wind down, but then tuck him in and say goodnight. Maybe having the same routine in a modified way might help both of you. If you try it, let me know how it goes! I have a sweet, sensitive, kind, 9 year old boy myself! He's a Momma's boy and sometimes he just wants to be near me. Hope this helps!

I have an 8yr old boy who has trouble getting to sleep. I've seen the suggestions here, so far, and I've tried most without much success. But I got a suggestion for helping my 3 yr old settle down in the evening, which also helped my older one to fall asleep. We placed pillows in a pile and got something to hit the pillows with. need to have rules around this - each one takes a turn, others stand back and support, etc. But then each hits with great energy the pile of pillows - and anything goes, screaming, hitting, punching. And you take a turn too! My daycare provider/child dev educator recommended this as a way for directing and releasing emotional energy from the day. Anyway - it worked fairly well for my 3yr old (and great for me!), but my 8yr old went to his bed and was snoring (never does this) within minutes. Prior to stumbling onto this, his mind just couldn't seem to quiet down. And he wanted me to hold his hand or be near him on most nights until he fell asleep.
BTW - I tried jumping, or other physical exercise with them just yesterday and it didn't work. there must be something with directly the emotional and physical energy on a specific thing that focuses it. Also, the person who shared this with me says this activity does not translate to hitting people (as long as child has normal dev).
good luck,

He's definitely old enough to understand reason. Talk to him about it. Tell him you're there, but you can't sit with him until he falls asleep anymore. He's a big boy now and needs to do it on his own. (It's got to end sometime, so it might as well be now.) No TV and warm milk is a good idea. I'd tell him to bring a book in bed with him, so he has something to look at, and then leave after you say goodnight. If it takes him an hour to fall asleep, then that's how long it takes. I imagine that, like babies learning to sleep on their own, a child will take a long time at first and then go to sleep quicker each night once they have a chance to get used to their new routine.
Good luck

Others have given some good suggestions--music, relaxation exercise, books on tape, reading, white noise machine or nature sounds type CD, 15-20 minutes of attention from you before bedtime.

Hi W., I sang to my children for years, also played guitar. They are now all musicians besides successful at other things. You could try to limit to one or two songs and tell him he needs to try to sleep on his own. Our time with our children is really short, do your best to help him out of this habit. Grandma Mary

You can make a deal with him that you will sit with him for 15 or 20 minutes and read books or talk about his day until his bedtime, but as soon as it says 8pm (or whenever his bedtime is) on the clock, you have to leave and he has to lay down. You can leave a little night light on if he needs it, but 10 is way too old for you to be treating him like a baby. At this age, falling asleep is his own responsibility, not yours. It may take some adjustment time, but after a week or so he will learn that you are serious, as long as you stick with it. If he stays awake for hours, get him up the next day on time- don't let him sleep in. Explain to him the importance of sleep and that if he doesn't go to sleep he will be tired the next day. If necessary, you may have to move his bedtime earlier until he falls asleep in a reasonable amount of time.

Another suggestion is to make sure he is getting enough "Mom time" during the day. Maybe he is craving some time with you so he tries to get extra time with you at night. Make sure you all sit down to dinner together and talk about his day. On the weekends make sure he has some special time with you- go to the park, a museum, etc.

Put him to bed. End of it. At the age of 10 he does
not need you to sing to him or play with his hair until
he goes to sleep. You say good night, give him a kiss
walk out. End of discussion. He will fall asleep
eventually.