Sleeping Issue with 19 Month Old

hi Deanna! I can SO relate; i raised 3 by myself as a single mom & NONE of them slept thru the nite til they were 2 1/2!!! I was/am also working full time, then, at least 50 hrs. a week. I just had to go w/it & try to get thru it. They eventaully grow out of it & now all are very sound sleepers. The're now 30, 23 & 10 I am am still standing! LOL Hang in there, friend; it DOES get better. another mom, V. in California.
P.S. feel free to write any time if I can help.

Try to locate the book The Family Bed, it helps you to understand why or our primal instincts, this helps alot. We always at about eighteen months moved our kids to a trundle bed right next to the bed and during the day stored it under the bed, and you could just use the crib mattress or any mattress,or a thick piece of foam rubber, always use a mattress pad of some sort, this really helps the transistion and EVERYONE sleeps. also maybe making it soft and cuddly where your son feels not so open, the same idea of swadling a newborn, you could also have him wear one of your t-shirts or cuddle it for your smell, put it on his favorite bear.
I am the mother of six, ages ranging from 29 to 10 and have raised my two grandchildren as well, ages 7 and 10. With such a large family no one has ever had to be completely alone at night, usually about age three the shift would take place to sharing a room with the one of the older kids.
I always remind myself that even though my our children are younger than we are, they are still human beings just like us and we tend to like to have some one in close proximity when we sleep, it is a very primal instinct tied to our survival through the centuries.
If we nuture and keep our young close when they are young, they grow up to be some pretty stable, caring, wonderful people. I read this along time ago, I wish I knew who to credit for it, "We are not raising future children, we are raising future adults." That saying has always kept me pointed in the right direction while raising my 'future adults'.
ALWAYS follow the golden rule, treat others how you would like to be treated, and Lead by example, always respect your children in your dealings with them and they will learn to respect.

Great blessings to you, you are obviously very strong, and your job is very important because you are raising a future MAN - I was without a husband and 'fathers' three times during the raising of this family, and many times I was very lonely, but thankfully I was never alone - you are a very smart cookie, because you reached out. We have been given these little ones to guide, teach and protect. It is a huge responsibility - but I can tell all ready that you are going to be successful.

I was a single mom for 8 years from the time my son was 8 months to almost 9 years old. Because of the separation between his father and I, he always wanted to sleep with me and I let him or else would end up sleeping with him in his bed, because I needed to get enough sleep. It was until I met my current husband that we finally had to break that bond. It basically took a week. I don't have any advice for your son at that young age, but he obviously wants to be with you as much as possible, especially since you are working full-time. This is very normal and I had heard from other single parents that their kids always wanted to sleep with them. Just so you know, you are not the only one!

I have a son similar age and he hates going to bed (cries every night) and wakes up in the middle of the night just from time to time. We tried the co-sleeping thing with similar results to yours. We have gotten to the point where we don't even go in there anymore when he wakes up. He goes back to sleep in minutes. I've found that in the long run we're all happier. It would take him a long time to go back to sleep too when I would go in there. I know it seems harsh, but just sticking to a bed time routine and letting him cry a little will help him and YOU get a better night's sleep. I've found that some babies are just not good at co-sleeping. I have one that isn't and it looks like you do too. He'll eventually adjust. I think the reason they don't like to go back to sleep is because they're distracted by us being there and want to stay awake, but are just too exhausted, so they cry.

Good luck! R.

Hi there!
I live in the Phelan area as well. I too was a single mother of three for ten years. And the sleeping issue I had to deal with too. My best suggestion is to spend some cuddle time and a bed time story prior to bedtime and a bath that always calms all of us down. Then put him to bed in his own bed every night. He will cry but eventually he will fall asleep, just like when you take the bottle away. I would let mine sleep with me every once in awhile and it was a special event. But if you let him sleep with you every night, the older he gets I think it will just get harder. You might think you are going to die when he cries and cries but he will get used to it and so will you. Oh and my kids snuck into my bed for a very long time... I would just let them know that I love them very much but that they needed to sleep in their own bed. Oh and pretty soon they got pretty good about sneaking in.... LOL... and I would wake up with a precious little person next to me :):):):) Good luck and God Bless you both. And thanks for bringing a smile to my face it reminded me of when they were little:)

Dear Deanna,

Just take him back to his bed and do not miss one single time. He will get back to sleeping well, but it will take some time. Really, this is true. He will cry. But, it will not hurt him.

C. N.

It's all separation anxiety... you just have to wait it out... the minute i put my daughter (18 months) in her bed she grabs on to my neck and doesn't let go screaming "out out".. her dr said we need to wait it out and if possibel when we leave her to leave her with people she connects with better than just a babysitter... m,y daughter has gotten better since we have been leaving her with my parents as apposed to the older lady babysitter we used to .. good luck!

I'm also a single, full-time mom, my son is 10 yrs old now, When I got divorced my son was only 6 yrs old. I think from my experience the kids wants to be with us when we're home and they feel safe if they sleep with us on our bed. They'll grow out of it, my son now sleeps on his own on a futon and sometimes he still wants me to lie down with him. They just miss our presence, so i think that's normal, if he doesn't sleep right away he's just making sure that your
not leaving for work. The kids are smart, just lie down with him, he'll eventually will get to
the routine that you'll have, I've also lived with my folks since I got divorced they're a big help.
Take good care of yourself, your son and your folks.

You see, where your ran into problems is the "at first it was no big deal" part. When you make a decision like allowing your child to come to bed with you you have to consider how it will play out- will this be okay in a few months? There is no easy way to break this habit. You have to let him cry (to a degree). Get into a really consistant bedtime routine, put him in his crib, and let him cry for a few minutes. Then go back in, lay him back down, tell him it's bed time, and leave the room again. Let him cry a little longer, then go back in, but don't say anything (when I've had problems I have told Izzy to lay back down, but my problems hadn't been going on for seven months) and lay him back down, then leave again. Basically repeat this until he goes to sleep. Repeat every time he wakes up. You may want to start this on Friday night (or whenever you have a few days off work) because you may not get much sleep. But it will only take three days, or at least the worst of it will only take three days. He may continue to test you a little when you lay him down, or he may be fine now and in a few weeks test you again, but if you continue to be consistant it will work. Also, make sure he is putting himself to sleep so that when he wakes up in the night he can fall back to sleep on his own. And don't outright abandon him in is crib to "cry it out." I don't like that, but I buy that it works with infants. However, it will not work with toddlers. Then you have to look at your child's sleep as a constant work in progress- just because he has it down now doesn't mean he won't have any problems in the future. Every three months or so my Izzy (right around the same age) decides she needs to be awake all night or that she won't sleep in her own bed. I've even given in a time or two and brought her to bed with me. But I learned that was a bad idea (not completely- I bring her to bed with me if she wakes up between 5 and 7, which is after Daddy has gone to work, or if she wakes up from her nap too early which doesn't happen often, but I've set these limits, and even then if she starts doing it every day I stop it). So I try to be very consistant. Also, now that she has slept well in her bed for a while I do rock her if she wakes up and does her "serious cry," but she always goes right back to sleep, and as I said, if it became an every night thing I would stop doing that. You are the parent, you have to set limits, and anything you do will get harder to undo the longer you do it.

Unfortunately I feel that having your child/ren sleep with you is a bad habit that leads to this issue. You don't sleep well and they are learning that it is okay. I know it is hard because you want them to sleep well - but sometimes looking after you is really the best thing for them too! They sleep in their bed. Snuggle time is before bedtime. Reading to them in their bed just before lights out is a good way for them to look forward to bedtime (in their own bed). Saying prayers together etc...and then, goodnight :) It might be hard at first, but it will win out in the end and you will sleep better and work better and have more energy for him when you have your family time! Good luck and God Bless You!

My suggestion is to never bring him in your bed again. That's what I had to do with my baby. She was waking up at all hours of the night because she wanted in my bed. I finally had to let her cry it out. She has finally forgotten about my bed and sleeps hours longer in her own crib. Finally, mommy is getting more sleep!!! I should have done this sooner......take my advice, it works! It's hard hearing her cry for long periods of time, but it only took less then a week.
Good luck!

If he's still in his crib, it might be time to move him into a big boy's bed. But before you do, speak to him about it and get him excited about having his own bed that he can climb into and out of, and let him know that now that he's in a big boy's bed, he would need to behave like a big boy and stay in it. Good luck!

Deanna,

My son went through a similar phase. It took about a week, but I got him to sleep again. Here's what I did. When he would wake up I would go in, give him a hug and tell him it's still night night. I would then lay down on a mat in the room and we would both go back to sleep. The first night he cried and fussed for over an hour, but he could see me on the floor. It's important not to talk to him, just let him know you're there. Each night it got better and after a week he was sleeping through the night again.

God Bless,
M.