Sleeping Issue - Omaha,NE

I am the mother of a beautiful 16 months old lil girl.....who did the same thing! After asking all of the other mothers I know AND her dr. they all gave me the same advice.......get ear plugs! I know it sounds horrible and it broke my heart to even think about doing that to her! But it worked! The first night she cried for 20 mins....2nd for about 10 mins....3rd for 5 mins and has been sleeping through the night! It really works!

My daughter did the same thing at that age. I took her to her doctor because I was at my wits end too. She told me that they have memory at that age and she remembers how nice and snuggly it is to sleep in mommy's bed and not her own. So basically they are getting smart. She suggested I find a good book to help with sleep issues. We choose Good Night, Sleep Tight, by Kim West. Within three nights of using her methods she slept in her own bed all night. The book goes all the way up to age five and she is two now and we reference to book all the time. It has been a life saver. So, I would give it a try. And the books methods are very gentle no cry solutions. Good luck.

The first thing - don't bring her to bed with you. Your daughter has learned that the longer she screams, the more you are going to give in. When you are letting her "cry it out" you can't go in her room. You have to be strong :) It is hard, but worth it in the end.

I know how it might seem bringinb baby to bed solves the issue, but it really is compounding it. Baby is learning that she does not have to sleep alone and that her fussing results in your taking her to your bed. Making her growth of independance shortchanged.

You want her to be comfortable with her self in her own space and develope an independance.

Bringing young babies to bed can cause a seperation issue later, and also is very unsafe. Sometimes tragic.

It's the hardest thing to do as a mom when we want to protect/soothe at all costs. But I really recommend a few nights....be strong!!!...of letting her cry it out. Sounds harsh I know. But she will learn that she can calm herself and sleep alone. She knows that she can fuss and you will come running..and really that is a very smart baby!!

She also needs to learn night time and nap time are alone time and rest time.

Give it a try, odds are it will work.

Just be aware that if she starts sleeping with you now you may be setting her up for sleeping with you for a long time to come. That reeks havoc on ones maritial and sex life in the long run.

Big no-no with allowing her to sleep with you. Let her cry it out and it may take a few nights, but she will get over it. Plus you and your husband must be together on this. My husband and I have raised 5 children, and they learned.

I think a previous person stating that letting a child "cry it out" makes the child have "abandonment" issues is completely irresponsible. I've done research on this subject in nursing school and it is completely false. As long as you tell your child that you are still there and never sneak out on them without telling them you're leaving, it is not a factor. For example, if you will be gone to work in the morning when they wake up.. you should tell them when you put them to bed that "mommy will be at work in the morning". They're not dummies... babies are so much smarter than people give them credit for. As long as you are there for your child and treat them with love and care.. letting them cry it out will not create any abandonment issues. My daughter is 4 and she knows any time I go somewhere, I will ALWAYS be back!

I have seen this happen to many, many friends and relatives and my advice is the same to all. Any child can learn to soothe themselves, if you let them. They are so incredibly smart at such a young age that they know if they cry...they will be brought into bed. I never co-slept but my daughter slept in a stroller the first 2 months and when I switched her to the crib I had to let her cry it out. All it took was 3 nights! I was also a nanny to a family of a little boy who woke up every 2 hours to eat during the night until he was 18 months old b/c his mom could not deal with him crying. After she was exhausted, she asked me for advice and it was simple... as hard as it is.. let him cry it out. She did and after 3 or 4 nights he was a great sleeper and it was AMAZING what a much calmer child he had become from getting better quality sleep. She did have to leave the house once or twice while he cried b/c she couldn't handle it but her husband encouraged her to be strong. You obviously have to do what you're most comfortable with but your baby won't soothe herself if you're doing the soothing for her. Good luck R.!!

Hi R. -

I do not believe in letting a child this age cry it out. Children under the age of 2 have basic, instinctual NEEDS - like food, warmth, and love. Crying out of loneliness is just as serious as crying out of hunger. Babies who do not feel all needs are met - including the need to not be alone - do not develop as strong of a trust bond, which can cause problems down the road. Of course, once your daughter gets older (and has higher cognitive ability), you will be able to tell when she has a NEED versus a WANT. But at her age, she simply NEEDS you.

You can handle this in many ways besides taking her to bed with you (although that was always my solution). Can you lie on the floor and hold her hand? Do you have a chair to rock her until she falls back asleep? I used to lie down with my son on the futon in his room -sometimes we'd just sleep there till morning, sometimes he would fall back asleep quickly and I could put him back into bed.

Also, make sure she is not in pain - illness, teething, etc. as this could be a cause.

JAM

I just posted yesterday with a similar request. I will say that though we had never intended to co-sleep, my accepting it has made it less stressful. I tried to do the things suggested in books to get him to put himself to sleep, etc but I got so frustrated with my inability to help him and his inability to do it, that it just wasn't worth it. After we decided to just let him sleep with us, we all slept easier. We figured that at some point in the future, we would be able to get him to sleep by himself. In the mean time, "they are only babies once." Some of the best advice I have gotten on this is that you should do what works best for you. Now if only mine wasn't so restless...

Of course your bed is softer, warmer, cozier and has YOU in it. Once you bring a child to bed with you, you are committed to a process - not an ideology.

Letting her "cry it out" is abusive. All it does it create children with abandonment issues. Until a child is 3 years old, when you leave a room and they cannot see or hear you - you have disappeared to them. They cannot cognitively understand space and distance at this age. So don't leave her crying.

I slept with my kids when they were babies and got used to it. It is easier to wean them from the bed at 2 or three by getting them their favorite hot water bottle and tucking them in with their favorite stuffed animal. Even then, if the bed is in the other room it will be difficult to convince your baby that being miles away (which is what it feels like to them) is a good idea.

Don't give up on her. Bring her to bed with you and, once asleep, take her back. She may get used to being alone in her bed in time. But if she doesn't, cut your losses and give in. You'll get more sleep and be a happier mom to boot.

She needs you. She is experiencing separation anxiety and this is perfectly normal. Despite what others will tell you, there is nothing realistic about expecting a seven-month old baby to be independent; being there for her when she needs you feels right because it is right. We can demand independence from our babies when they are not babies anymore. Indulge her and your future will be filled with sleep-ful nights. It is better not to fight it, just go with it. It will make the transition into a toddler bed way smoother than tough love. Besides that, she is probably doing a lot of teething and needs the security that cosleeping with her mother provides.

Hi R., My daugther slept great until she was 4 months old. At first she wanted to breastfeed 3 to 4 times a night, but by 11 months she was up to 7 to 8 times a night. It was crazy! After talking to the pediatrician - whom told me there was no reason for her to be eating at all during the night - I let her cry it out. The first night she cried for three hours. It was terrible!! The second night she cried about 20 minutes and that was it. My son slept in bed with us until he was 4 months. He wouldn't even take naps in his crib. I pulled a comfortable recliner up to his crib so I could touch him at all times. It took him about an hour to fall asleep. Each time after that was a little shorter and by the next day I was just sitting next to his crib in the chair. Within a few days I was able to just lay him in his crib and leave the room. I hope this helps! Good luck!!

Hi R.,
I know what worked for us for training our kids to sleep through the night in their bed. We found a videotape at the library called Your Baby Can Sleep Too. The idea is that babies need to learn to put themselves to sleep like we do, rather than being rocked, fed, etc. til they are asleep and then put in their cribs. (obviously they need to be old enough not to need a feeding at night before you do this) The basics are:
1. Put them to bed awake after whatever getting ready for bed ritual you want to create. (we didn't create a routine - we would just give her a ten minute, five minute, one minute bedtime alert - so we were free to bathe, read stories, or whatever without being tied to HAVING to do anything before bedtime)
2. The first night you go back in at 2 minutes to comfort them and let them know you are still there but it is bedtime. Whatever you want to say is fine, but you are not supposed to pick them up. (the video says no touching, but we would lay our hands on our daughter and this technique still worked for us)
3. Then, as long as they are awake and crying, you keep going back in, but doubling the time in between i.e. next at 4 minutes, then at 8 minutes, then at 16 minutes, etc.
4. The next night you do the same thing except you don't go in the first time til 3 minutes. (then 6, 12, 24, etc) Each night you do this, increase the initial time by one minute. You shouldn't have to do this more than a week according to the video.

My first daughter had real sleep issues, but she took to this like a duck to water. The first night I had to go back in at the 16 minute interval, but she was asleep before the 32 minute check in. The second night I had to go in for the 12 minute but that was the last time. That night I heard her wake up at 2am on the monitor, but she never cried and was back asleep in minutes. We didn't have to do it anymore past 2 days. She just went to sleep within the first few minutes. I was really pleased with this process b/c I didn't want to just let her cry it out, so this seemed a happy medium - she did cry, (who wouldn't when your routine changes!) but I could go in and comfort her and assure her I loved her while still attaining the desired result of teaching her to sleep.

I hope this helps. Grace and peace be with you!

Your baby may be too young for this stage, but at my daughter's 12 month appointment the ped brought up night terrors. Try to see if your daughter wakes up at the same time each night (sometimes it's almost exact!)... she may be going through the cycles of sleep (light sleep, r.e.m.) and get "stuck" between gears. If you notice that she wakes up at 9:35 every night, go in her room at 9:30 and wake her a bit - rock her and sing to her, or whatever is a shortened version of her bedtime routine - and put her back in the crib... this has now "reset" her cycle, and she should proceed with regular sleep for the rest of the night.

every child and every parent is different, so only you know. we, like angela, tried various methods and just gave up and now cosleep. i honestly just believe that's what my son needs right now. and i'm not fighting it anymore.

have you read the ferber book? if you are really interested in doing cry it out, i suggest you read that.

otherwise, i just found this dr. sears book: http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Fussy-High-Need-Child-Kno...

which has totally helped me change my perspective on this night waking stuff and crying it out. it's not for everyone, just like crying it out isn't for everyone. but if you have a gut feeling that your child needs you at night and you don't want to or haven't had success with crying it out, this might help you.

Ahhh, it sounds like she needs you a little more right now. She is about to hit her separation anxiety stage.
I have 7 kids and I found it worked out really well to just hold them and love them through it as much as possible. They WILL out grow it, but why make them miserable by making them separate from you when that is what they fear?
By age 3 none of my kids ever "needed" me like I have seen other kids. They could spend the night away from me, or all day at friends' homes. They always just knew they could get to me any time they needed me, so they were confident.
In the scheme of the 18 years your child is at home, the first couple of years really are just a blink.
Love, tenderness and understanding will help your baby get through this stage.

My son is the same way. He's now 10 1/2 months old. There's nights he just wants to cuddle and hold my finger while he sleeps. I often thing it's a teething issue and figure it'll pass and I'll later regret not letting him sleep with me. My husband sleeps on the couch but doesn't seem to mind because we all get a LOT more sleep that way, otherwise we're up every other hour.

My daughter did this at 7 months as well. She hit a phase of separation anxiety and that made it tough for her to be away from me. Anyhow, It took about 3 nights for her to literally cry it out and finally settle herself down until she woke and cried again, repeating the process. By the third night, she learned was sleeping through the night.

Make sure your daughter's tummy is full, she's warm enough, and actually tired when you lay her down. Fresh air helps. Also, that there are no signs of ear infections, acid reflux, or other. Then, when you check on her, don't say anything, just lay her back down and leave the room. Next time, just listen if you need to. It doesn't take long for little ones to learn what gets us up and moving. Be consistent and she'll settle herself down. Like I said, it took 3 nights, but it was worth it.

A little trick some one taught me... try putting a piece of your clothing in her crib with her, like the shirt you are waering. They mostly want comfort and having your scent nearby is comforting.

Hi R.,
I do agree with Lynn even though it is very hard. I recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby". It has some good tips in it and it was a really good guide, especially as they transition throughout the stages of sleeping. Good luck!