Sleeping in Own Bed - Bealeton,VA

You can't force sleep, but as a parent and the one in charge you can enforce her staying in her own room in her own bed. Putting children in bed with you or lying in their beds are very bad ideas, someone invented co-sleeping which I think is rediculas but I'm old school. it will tale patience and discipline to get her to stay in her bed. J.

I've bed shared with my daughter since she was a newborn and now she's 5 y/o. I really don't understand why adults expect extremely young and immature emotional/physical children to stay in bed all night, sleep all night, put/soothe themselves back to sleep, etc - - especially when adults cannot even do all that stuff!

I got married just a few months ago, but I've been living with my now husband for the last 3 years. He never liked the arrangement, but I knew it would not be forever, and my child and her needs are more important to me than a spouse or significant other.

Instead of complaining that your not even 2 year old isn't staying in bed... why not concentrate on getting her to stop having nightmares which are obviously harming her sleep. Put her toddler bed in YOUR room if she can't sleep in bed with you both. At least them you can shut/lock your door and know she won't be roaming the house THAT HAS STAIRS alone, in the dark in the middle of the night.

There is nothing wrong with lying down with her to help her get to sleep or letting her sleep with you. If you don't mind co-sleeping, it's a fabulous idea. Kids get scared and need reassurance. Sometimes they wake up in the middle of the night and just need to be reassured that Mommy and Daddy are still there. Waking up all alone is terrifying to them, and that's probably what she's feeling.

If you really want her to fall asleep in bed without lying down with her and want her to stay in her own bed the whole night, there are things you can do. Try reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. It's been awhile since I read it, but off the top of my head you could try sitting quietly while she goes to sleep. After a few nights of that, sit quietly just outside her room. Gradually leave sooner, etc. In the middle of the night, give her a kiss and hug and return her to bed.

When I transitioned my son to falling asleep on his own, I sat next to the bed a few nights, then at the end of the bed, and eventually we developed a ritual of two books, goodnight kiss, I left.

Good luck! It's tough when it effects your sleep.

B.
I'm sure there are plenty of parents willing to tell you that it is perfectly acceptable for your child to sleep in your bed with you. That's fine, that's their perogative. However, if you are like me and don't want them to get into that kind of habit (I'm honest....I can't stand it), maybe I can help. First, can I say wow; my 2.5 yo has trouble opening doors, I sympathize and now worry that my 15 mo might learn this sooner. Ok, all my kids are foster children so I only know so much about there past. I did have a problem with my 2.5 yo (had him since he was 2.0 and was always in a bed) getting out of bed at 3 am and tearing apart my house while I slept. For him it was timeouts. He soon learned he would spend time in timeout having no fun or interaction. Now he waits for me to get him in the morning. Usually he will put himself back to sleep, but occaisionally he will stay awake singing or clapping to entertain himself; I don't mind as long as he stays in bed and doesn't wake anyone else up. My 15 mo (had since a 9 mo) would wake up a few times a night. For him he wanted personal time with mom or dad (we can tell he was probably neglected; once again we don't know much about their past). We let him CIO and it took 4-5 nights for him to realize that we were only going to come change his diaper and then go back to bed, but at least now he sleeps through the night. Each child is different and only you know the best how to discipline yours; the point is to stay consistant so your daughter knows that you aren't happy with her behavior and she will change if you don't.

Julie L - Nobody invented co-sleeping. It was what humans did originally before someone invented cribs!! Human children are hardwired to need their parents close to them. What is unnatural is forcing a child to "self soothe" before they themselves are ready to do so. There is nothing wrong with laying with your child while they fall asleep or comforting them at night when they awake especially if they are frightened.

B. your DD is only 18 months old. Just comfort her when she needs you and enjoy the closeness of laying with her as she falls asleep. You will be fostering a sense of security in her that will stick with her even in adulthood. There will come a time when she will be "to cool" to hang out with her mother and you will miss and cherish these precious times you two are sharing now.

Hi, I have an almost 5 year old who is still getting in my bed when his daddy goes to work in the morning (530am). I have tried putting him back in his bed but he cries and wakes his sister up. If you don't have another child, you could keep getting back up and putting her back in her bed. Have you tried playing music in her room. Classic music is the best to soothe a child and help them sleep. It's also said to help develop their brains and make them smarter (or something along those lines LOL). I hope you get some relief soon.

Oh dear-when she is 18-you will be going through her room-getting into everything and screaming at the top of the stairs-and not sleeping. Anyway-start talking during the day about what the bedtime routine is going to be and what you expect. Dinner, bath, story time-new special dolly, bear, blanky, etc. for her to sleep with. Mommy is close by and so on. Keep her busy during the day-with a short nap. Sweet dreams-I hope this helps! God Bless you-and Merry Christmas!

My son will be 18 months soon, so I can understand. He will sleep in his crib and if he wakes up it's usually around 4:30 AM so I put him in bed with me. I am curious about when to change his bed to toddler though, hum!

Just another voice to let you know that it's perfectly normal to have your child come into your bed and sleep.
Yes, we did co- sleep with my son till he was at least 3 or so. He gradually moved into his own bed. Up to age 6 or so he would get up and come into our bed in the morning or very rarely in the middle of the night.
He'd now 15 and despite Robin M's scare tactic that when they are 18 you will be soothing etc, my son has been putting himself to sleep and not coming in to wake me in the middle of the night. When he was little he got his needs met and we ALL got sleep.
Hope this helps.
L.

Even though this post is late, I had to write. Let me start by pointing out that everyone is entitled to their own opinion about raising children. Based on what I see everyday on this site, no one is the perfect parent or has the perfect answer. I am addressing this because I don't like it when others are singled out for what they have written. If you don't like what a person has written then you simply write what YOU think is the correct way that YOU would handle a situation.

With that said, B., I think the first thing do is help her get over her fear. No, that does not mean moving her bed or her into your room. Try reading to her while she is in her bed. Also, try putting on some kid friendly videos. One that is not to loud but will help her drift off to sleep. I feel that she needs to get the image of the scary mask out of her mind. Hopefully that will help eliminate the fear. Before she closes her eyes, let her see something that pleases her rather than remembering something that has frightened her. Be sure that she has a night light.

If need be, get the safety gate and put at her door and make sure her room is secure. So if she does get up she want harm herself. Also, try playing soft music when it's her bedtime. I hope this helps. Be blessed!!!

I can somewhat relate. My husband travels a lot for work and I work full-time so when our son, now 2 1/2 yrs old, fights sleep or wakes overnight, it all falls on me. We are not co-sleepers...its just something we don't do unless he's sick and we feel the need to be able to monitor him all night.

My son has been in a bed since he was 18 months old because he climbed out of the crib. For the longest time he wanted my husband and only my husband to put him to bed. This became an issue over the summer when my husband was sent away for 4 wks for training, leaving me a single mom with a toddler, a house and a full-time job. the first night I cuddled with him and soothed him and gave him the comfort he needed to go to sleep. The 2nd night he kept coming out of his room and I ended up putting him back in his bed 32 times in 45 minutes. This was unacceptable to me! The next day I went to Target and bought door knob covers. I put one on the inside of his door.

At bedtime I went through our normal routine, closed the door and went about my evening routine. He stood inside his room pulling on the door and crying for 8 minutes. Then he got into his bed, covered himself up and went to sleep. He slept through until 7:30 the next morning. That night, I did the same thing and the crying only lasted 5 mins. On the 3rd night, the crying was even shorter and on the 4th night, there was no crying. I attempted leaving the door open after about a week of no battles, but that was a no go. However, after about 2 months of the routine of closing the door, we were able to just leave it open.

As for the night wakings, we have a rule, if its before 5 AM, he goes back into his room. If its after 5 AM we pull him into our bed. And when he's not actually awake when he wonders into our room, he gets put back into his no matter what time it is (my son is a sleep-walker so its quite common for him to wander into our room in his sleep).